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Does your SO/you give bj's? Maybe NSFW.

Discussion in 'Tilted Life and Sexuality' started by ralphie250, Apr 23, 2012.

  1. ralphie250

    ralphie250 Fully Erect Donor

    Location:
    Jonesboro ga
    We have been married for almost 13 years and she has never blown me. Her reason is that its grose.... i have always been ok with it. I tried to get her to once about 10 or so years ago and she quickly put a halt on that. I go down on her, i get pleasure out of knowing she likes it and she gets off on it. In the past couple of months she seems to be getting closer to actually doing it. I may be wrong though...
    My question is this. Is there something i can do or say to get her to do it??? Or just leave it alone and let it be like its been forever... women.... how many of you dont do it for the same reason????
     
  2. evaderum

    evaderum Getting Tilted

    Location:
    California
    I feel the same way, that I would enjoy going down on a girl [friend] when she enjoys it and gets off from it. I have a general lack of experience though, so I don't really have any insights to your situation, and is why I said that I 'would' enjoy going down.

    But I just did read a post on another thread the other day that dealt with this sort of thing and linked an article that may be worth reading...
    Things you may like that your partner doesn't quite, and vice-versa
     
  3. fflowley

    fflowley Don't just do something, stand there! Donor

    It's been 13 years. The status quo must, on some level, be acceptable to you.
    Be patient, maybe it will happen.
    Pick your battles.
     
  4. martian

    martian Server Monkey Staff Member

    Location:
    Mars
    The bad news: you can't force a woman to suck your dick. There's no magic set of words or actions that will instantly make her want to spitshine your tentpole, so if that's what you're looking for you're out of luck.

    The good news: a great many relationship issues have been solved by simple, forthright communication. If you want this to happen your best option would be to sit down with her at some point (and not in the middle of sexy time, if you need that clarified) and explain that you understand her reservations but that you'd really like to try this. And do make an effort to actually see where she's coming from, instead of just saying the words in an effort to convince her. See if you can make an evening out of it; get a nice bottle of wine, light some candles, put some good sexy music on, ship the kids (if there are any) off to grandma's for the weekend, and so forth. Be gentle about it, be encouraging, and most of all understand that if she does agree to try it and then decides she doesn't like it you're out of luck.

    Honestly, after thirteen years I don't much like your chances, but that's what I would do if I were in your position and wanted to change it.

    My lady friend didn't give me oral sex for the first year of our relationship. My solution was to accept it, since I didn't think it was that big of a deal. She eventually decided to try it and subsequently discovered (much to my delight) that she quite enjoys it, so there's hope for you.
     
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2012
    • Like Like x 1
  5. ralphie250

    ralphie250 Fully Erect Donor

    Location:
    Jonesboro ga
    It is acceptable to a certin point. But gesh...
     
  6. Ayashe

    Ayashe Getting Tilted

    Why is it gross to her? Is she afraid it may be unclean? Maybe suggesting a shower together beforehand? You say she seems closer to trying it now, maybe as time passed she feels enough intimacy has been shared to give it a go but would like some encouragement? Maybe because she was so squeamish before she feels weird about saying she wants to try it now? Maybe she doesn't like the hair and would prefer if you shave if you don't already? Maybe try some flavored oils and it would be more... palatable? Maybe if you give her a massage with some flavored oils and oral and encourage her to give it a try... you may have to get her to loosen up with some wine and put it on your manly bits yourself?
     
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  7. Borla

    Borla Moderator Staff Member Donor

    Martian and Ayashe have covered the basics. First it takes open communication. Explain what you would like and why. Listen to why she's reluctant and try to understand. Make sure your hygiene is top notch, bonus points for showering during the beginning of sexy time. Groom yourself to her preference. Throw in a bit of alcohol if possible (you don't want her wasted though, for obvious reasons). Explain to her that it's ok if she just wants to try it for a few seconds. And during, be sure to communicate well and not overreact. No hands on the back of the head (unless she's a rare one that asks for that, which I doubt if she's unwilling at all right now), plenty of warning before you finish, no request for her to let you finish in her mouth the first time. Go slow.


    That being said, I'm spoiled. My wife is very giving in that regard, usually multiple per week (two in the last 24 hours). Please, PLEASE, no one tell her that that's more than normal after 14 years of marriage............;)
     
    • Like Like x 1
  8. Lindy

    Lindy Moderator Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    Nebraska
    I think some women just don't like dick. Not the same as not liking sex.
    You don't say, but is she maybe not be too keen about touching it either?

    My guy, Sig, is a widower who was married to a woman like that. He feels somewhat compelled to talk about his late wife, including their sex life. They were both virgins when they got married. He tells me that his late wife was rarely unavailable for sex, but was also not much of a participant. She liked, or at least provided, mish in the dark, several times a week. Sig was happy in the relationship which as a whole, was good. She died of cancer about four years ago.

    I was a teen slut and had probably a dozen different partners still in high school. I almost lost Sig by being too aggressive. He didn't know how to deal with my sexuality, and would sometimes completely lose his erection when I would do oral. An anxiety of some kind, because I was behaving like a whore. Nice girls don't give head, or something like that. We finally went (together) to a counsellor, and it helped tremendously. He just needed somebody in a "white coat" to tell him that diverse sexual experiences were OK.
    Now he's turned into a horny dog.:)

    Anyway, if she is willing, try to get her comfortable with some hand work first. Maybe that could lead to some oral love later.

    Lindy
     
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  9. greywolf

    greywolf Slightly Tilted

    Rarely :(... my wife simply isn't into oral sex that much, which is a shame since I enjoy both very much. And it's not communication, it's simply different drives after decades of being together. While frustrating to some extent, I realise that there are things I don't do that she would like so it's a bit of give and take (although my shortcomings tend to be less in the sexual area and more in the more mundane areas of life).
     
  10. kramus

    kramus what I might see

    Maybe you just need to wrap it up in a condom first. Then you are dealing w the taste of latex but any old flavor supplement will do because you'll toss the damned rubber before you carry on with the main event (assuming she'd accept it as part of foreplay).
     
  11. Tully Mars

    Tully Mars Very Tilted

    Location:
    Yucatan, Mexico
    I had no idea so many people were going without oral sex. Not sure I'd be in an on going relationship that didn't include oral sex (both ways.) Heck it's not that uncommon for me to get oral sex while driving home from an evening out. Not sure I have any advice to add, especially since it sounds like this was the deal when you began the relationship. I'm still stuck on the "I go down on her but she won't go down on me" statement. But I think if that was the original deal you're likely stuck with the situation.

    Another thing to think about, in my mind anyway, would be how much fun would it be to have your partner engage in an act they don't enjoy... at all. I mean you said she considered it "gross," right? What kind of BJ do you think you're going to get from someone who considers what they're doing "gross?" I envision a lack luster "ok, ok, I'll put in in my mouth (yuk!) and I'll move my head up/down or back and forth but that's it... and I'm going to hate every minute while doing it." In my own experience if either partner seriously dislikes a sexual activity engaging in said activity is less then rewarding for either party.
     
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  12. mixedmedia

    mixedmedia ...

    Location:
    Florida
    I tend to agree with tully. If she doesn't like it, then how much fun is that going to be? And, coming from a woman's perspective, or this woman's perspective, if I don't already like giving head, there's no amount of flavored oils or condoms or funny hats that will make that putting that cock in my mouth seem fabulous. And, I mean, come on, giving head is not about the taste or even the act itself anyway. It's totally a psycho-sexual thing. We do it because we get off on the submission or, conversely, the power or it makes us feel naughty, whatever. It's one size fits all. But the one common denominator is that it has to be erotically stimulating to the giver. I don't think any amount of serious discussion about needs is going to ameliorate a preexisting aversion to blowjobs. But, if it can be reimagined as an act that fits into her sexual persona - you know, if she likes to be submissive or dominant or 'slutty' or teasing - then there might be a chance for her to rethink and be more open to giving head.
     
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  13. snowy

    snowy so kawaii Staff Member Donor

    I kind of wonder if she is waiting for someone besides her husband to tell her that it's okay to like blowjobs. Personally, I think blowjobs are great, and so it's hard for me to wrap my head around the "they're gross" perspective.
     
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  14. kramus

    kramus what I might see

    I know ralphie is getting all kinds of communicate advice. I'm hoping that if his SO is purely against giving head because she has an aversion for precum/ejaculate, or a hypocritical "ew, he pees out of there", the idea of a barrier (with something to hide the latex taste) would help defuse such concerns. I know that a BJ while wearing a rubber just doesn't make the grade. But if you are getting nothing at all a little bit of foreplay oral from time to time can make a huge difference.
     
  15. Freetofly

    Freetofly Diving deep into the abyss

    If you do sit down and talk about it, let her know she would be the one in complete control of you. Totally enjoy it at the same time. ;)
     
    • Like Like x 1
  16. ralphie250

    ralphie250 Fully Erect Donor

    Location:
    Jonesboro ga
    The "its gross" comes from her dislike of germs not a fobia. Ive showered before, and during sex and nothing ever happened, but i guess what im concerned about more is her getting all pissed off and storming out and being pissed off for a week or a day. There has been alot of good advice here so far but tully and MM make since in the "im just doing this to shut you up"she kinda thing. But we havent discussed it in years. Maybe it might be time to revisit the subject.:eek:
     
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  17. Borla

    Borla Moderator Staff Member Donor

    Bam. Found the problem. If my wife didn't do something I wanted (sexual or non-sexual) and I hadn't broached the subject for years, it's on me. Assuming the last conversation wasn't a vehement 'and NEVER bring this up again, EVER!', it's on me, not her.


    Time to communicate in a mature, open fashion when the pressure to do it right that instant isn't on.
     
  18. Daniel_

    Daniel_ The devil made me do it...

    I was married to a woman that didn't do oral. Now I'm not.

    All in all, it's better than it was.
     
  19. Cayvmann

    Cayvmann Very Tilted

    Mine will occasionally kiss it a bit, but no BJ for the Cayvmann. Worse yet, she won't even let me try to give her oral ( I've been told that it's one of my better skill sets ). Sad really ( I am slowly trying to erode her resistance, but I have no idea if it will ever work )
     
  20. Daniel_

    Daniel_ The devil made me do it...

    Wine, blindfold, restraints?
     
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