Exploring anal sex with the wife

This week at DAR Constitution Hall: Dr. Turdcock and the Push It Ins. Get your tickets now!

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I never thought a dude could say something that would make me not want to plow my girl's alternate love canal.

And yet here I am reading the OP and this new pearl of wisdom and thinking to myself "I'm glad I'm not a woman!" because I'd be like this:

 

I wish I knew who the comedian was that said this about men to women "if you ever knew what we were thinking, you'd never stop slapping us. "

I think maybe there are somethings that are better left to our thoughts.

 

I'd like to think that a lot of us are classier than the vulgar zinger posts in this thread. I'm a pretty lewd dude (I like punk music and was in the military, after all) but I'm a right-proper gentleman in comparison to this excrement.

 

A right good bitch-slappin' gents.

 

...I guess. Nobody really wins in these kinda threads. This isn't Reddit. Correctifying goons doesn't really do a whole lot for the board.

Ideally, mods would come in and clean up that kinda stuff so that it doesn't make TFP all "broken windows" like so many other forums.

Not that I particularly give a shit. I'm always on the lookout for opportunities to get butthurt and troll people and start some trouble.

 

Meh, I don't see too many broken windows that haven't been covered up or repaired already. It looks like the membership took care of the last guy.

 

Don't worry, it's only you.

 

I think its pretty well known that I'm not at all shy when it comes to discussing sex, and that Dave and I are pretty damn all across the board as to what we do in the bedroom.....sadly, as much as I'd like the opposite to be true, I am one of those women that will NEVER enjoy anal sex, not only does it hurt like hell (no matter how much alcohol, foreplay, lube and "working into it" is done) it totally makes me have to spend the next two days in the bathroom.

Dave on the other hand is a whole other thing, there is nothing I love more that simultaneously giving him a blow job and massaging his prostate with my finger and making him have both kinds of orgasms at the same time......strap on time is fun too, although I regret to say I have not figured out how to do that and blow him at the same time lol

 

Well, you're obviously not utilizing FaceySpace properly. Find a friend. These kind of complex tasks require help, I'd imagine.

Just as Baraka said in the 50 Shades thread, if you're going to fuck somebody, you're supposed to totally destroy them.

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Baraka is forgetting that this thread is about an anus that has a woman and not the opposite.

 

Been there done that, multiple times.....this is about ME doing both lol

 

Relevant (NSFW)

 

that is......interesting

 

Mmm, I have no problem with pet names like "the wife" or "the old lady." I mean, really... it's less about the title than how you say it. Pretty sure some guys can charm the panties off their partner calling them a dirty bitch.

Hell, pretty sure some of the women on TFP have slingshot-ified their panties for a guy who has referred to them as such.

/Captain Obvious

 

I call my wife "the wife" but that's only because I don't use her name on a public site without her permission. I respect her as a woman, and my wife, and a pretty good step monster to my daughter.

I'm pretty sure anal sex is out of the picture, but she likes me chewing on her butt. Good enough for me.

 

Dude, you never know. I mean, that's how I ended up balls deep in the alternate love canal the first time. Messing around with my first girlfriend, "You want it here, lady? Huh? I'll do it." She dared me. "Oh, really? Then go ahead."

True story.

 

The last time I shit something the size of my dick that wasn't as soft as toothpaste there was more blood to clean up than the one (and only) time I made a serious mistake with my straight razor while shaving. There's very real consequences to doing this wrong OP, a lot more visceral than just her sitting funny for a day or two.