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Getting People to Listen

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by genuinemommy, Jul 25, 2018.

  1. genuinemommy

    genuinemommy Moderator Staff Member

    If anyone has a moment to provide feedback... Is this good advice for getting people to listen?

    Abbreviated from this website: How I Teach Men Not To Talk Over Me – Asserting Your Humanity as Female
    1. When they interrupt you, stop talking. Wait.

    2. Ignore everything they’re saying.

    3. When they finally shut up, say: ”I wasn’t done talking.”

    4. Start over.​

    I don't see talking over people as a problem that is specific to men (as the author of that link suggests). I think it's something that everyone could do by accident sometimes, especially if they're excited about their ideas.

    I'm wondering if it would be offensive to anyone for me to incorporate this into my communication style. I could see this as coming off as know-it-all or unkind - because in the process you are not listening to anything they have to say. It kinda rubs me wrong. But if it is indeed good advice, I'd love to know.

    What advice do you have to get people to listen to your ideas?
  2. SirLance

    SirLance Death Therapist

    I had this problem with my ex. Never, ever solved it. She would talk over me (and everyone else). I used to say that she didn't talk in her sleep, and that was the only time I could speak without being interrupted.

    I remember one exchange....

    "You know, I was thinking about the situation with your mom. What would you think about...."

    [Interrupts me]

    "If my words seem sharp, it's from constantly having to fit them in edgewise. I don't think you realize it, but frankly when you interrupt, and you do it constantly, the message you send is that you are not listening, nor are you interested in listening, and that what the other person is saying is not worth listening to. It's rude and disrespectful. Please stop."

    "I was raised in a large family. You just jump in!"

    "You were raised to be rude? I'm not the only person who's offended by this behavior, and frankly while you call yourself a good listener, you are really not listening at all, just formulating what you are going to say. Please make an effort to change, it is a big deal to me."

    Never solved the problem. Ususally when someone talks over me I just say, forcefully, "Excuse me, I wasn't finished. Please let me finish." Then I do finish. Then I shut up and listen.

    Frankly, I think 2 & 3 are just as disrespectful as interrupting in the first place. Perhaps more so, as it's my view that interruption is not usually intentional, but spur of the moment. An idea you're exploding with....literally...
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  3. genuinemommy

    genuinemommy Moderator Staff Member

    @SirLance this is exactly the kind d of a response I was hoping for! Thank you for the tip.
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  4. Borla

    Borla Moderator Staff Member Donor

    If the conversation is important enough, sometimes I'll start it by saying "Can you please listen to what I have to say for 4-5 minutes straight and just listen, without interrupting or trying to formulate your response before I'm done? I promise that after 4-5 minutes I will gladly give you time to response without me interrupting you either."

    Or, if I'm interrupted partway through a sentence or thought I stay silent until they are done and then say "Can I go back to what I was originally saying, so that you can hear the entire thing before responding?"

    Generally speaking I think my wife and I do well in listening to each other and really trying to allow the other to express themselves. But sometimes the above responses help without being confrontational.
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  5. michaelyoni64 New Member

    For me not necessarily my wife but at work. So I stop let them talk. When they have finished I would say ... "any more to add"..... good ...then I would continue.. ... if they start ... I would say "I thought you had nothing more to add, go on continue". Then keep repeating the process. I am also in a senior role so I have to show restraint (otherwise you get labelled a bully etc).

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