Is it normal to want a baby so young?

I am almost 19 years old and have wanted a baby since I was 15 or 16. Earlier this year (in June) my I had a miscarriage and it was sad but I dealt with it. I feel this empty void in my heart and halfway hope my period won't come ever since then. Part of me feels this is normal but part of me feels it's not the right time for a baby.

Any thoughts?

 

Think about this:

Reproduction is the single most illogical and selfish thing you could do at 19.

Human biology and The Way that Life Works Today (TM) are often conflicting.

No Brainer: Just because you are able to have children doesn't mean you should.

...

I once talked with some PRT / Civil Affairs (hearts 'n minds) guys in Afghanistan.

One of those dudes said the best birth control he'd ever seen was education.

Afghan girls going to school weren't married and knocked up at 15.

Females being allowed to and encouraged to attend school?

Huge deal. Social tectonics in action.

TL;DR - My Point:

Don't give up on your education.

...

There are a number of reasons to avoid having a child before you've established yourself to the standards of Western society.

If you have a kid at 19, your odds of completing college "on time" are nearly zero. Without said education, your jobs prospects are crap.

If you have crap job prospects and are taking care of a child, even with the help of a spouse, you're still fighting uphill for your future.

Long hours, multiple jobs, piles of debt, lifestyle expectations not being met. You're not going on vacation, you're driving a '84 Corolla.

How are you going to save for your retirement, the kid has to go to college at some point, right (unless you expect the military route)?

Sure, you might want to have a kid, but that's not a whole a lot different than me wanting to have two hardbody nymphomaniac brunettes chained up at home for when I go on vacation. You don't need a kid right now. You've got you to worry about. And you've got life to live. You've got classes and Cancun and most certainly new partners (few relationships last through college). So ignore your biological cravings and realize that when you have taken care of you, you can think about bringing another screaming poo factory into this polluted, overcrowded and violent world.

Anything less would be uncivilized. I apologize for being all doom and gloom but I've seen how "Had Kid Before College" ruins lives numerous times.

/I really do talk too much

 

i would say as long as you're married and have enough income go for it. if not, hell no.

 

I'm sorry, but she doesn't strike me as nearly mature enough to fully understand the implications and responsibilities that comes with having a baby.

You don't make a decision like that under consideration of your own situation, future prospects and all of the issues involved, when you're 15.

The absolute majority of girls/women I've met so far want/wanted a baby and were close to make a reckless decision at some point in their lives due to being too caught up with the idea of having a cute little baby girl/boy and how awesome it would be to take care of one.

Does you wanting a baby mean you're ready for one? Have you considered ALL the implications of such a decision, and the responsibilities and hardships that come with it? Ask yourself those questions and think about them long and hard.

 

Based on another thread, she has had a boyfriend for 10 months; so no, she isn't.

What is his outlook on babies?

 

Three words.

BIG FUCKING MISTAKE.

 

My oldest daughter was born when I was 24. There is good and bad with having a child at that age.

Your single / party / normal teen 20ish lifestyle will come to a complete and utter stop a few months after your child is born. That was OK for me at 24, it may not be ok for you. At 24, I had a fairly good job at IBM and a spouse that was an RN. Finances were still pretty tight, babies are stinkin' expensive, even with 2 middle class incomes.

On the good side, I didn't watch my kids participate in sports, I joined them. I've picked up my daughters' skis off of expert runs and taken them on 2 week backpack trips in Alaska. At 55, I have a 4yr old grandson and neighbors with 4yr olds of their own. I love my grandkids; but being able to send them home is nice.

 

I was pushing hard for a baby in my second year of marriage... if I'd had on, he/she would be nine years old right now. That kinda blows my mind.

I'm glad we didn't have one, though. I thought I was ready at 21/22, and believe me, I wasn't. I'm not even sure if I'm ready NOW.

My mom had me when she was 19. I just...I can't even imagine. Go enjoy your own life before dedicating it to someone else.

 

Hi, sunshineandshadows

I totally agree with the above posters.
I totally respect your biological feeling
And I support your feeling that it's not the right time for a baby.
In fact, well done as you keep strong that questioning on behalf of the right time and also on behalf of your baby, who, unborn, cannot answer that part.
In giving h/er your best answer, your feeling of NOT YET, you are already being a good mother, as you wait until you can give your very best "Yes" to that biological feeling which, I believe, will include not just giving any birth, but also about being the mother who will best support your child's life.

I have no children, and I believe most of the above posters do. Sunshineandshadows, let's re-read their words.
Take care

 

If you are willing to give us a whole lot of freedom and can support yourself and you want it, it is your life. It is both harder and more rewarding than I expected.

 

It's not that children aren't rewarding or that they can be lots of fun (and aggravating little shits at the same time), it's just that at 19, there is so much going on that it's not fair on the mother or the child most of the time. Most people don't have a solid career at 19, most people still like to go out on the weekends at 19, most people enjoy the freedom of not having to carry a diaper bag at 19. It has nothing to do with the fact that you'll be a good mother, it has to do with the fact that life is still being laid out at 19 and a child is not something that you can just say "oops, this is not my thing" and change.

I enjoy my kids, but I didn't have them until I was 26. Even then I feel it was a tad early, but like Stan said, now I can be a part of their games etc and not be looked at like a complete moron. (shutup jazz).

Just wait a bit.. and if you aren't married yet.. wait even longer. Most people don't understand how good it is to just enjoy married life (if there is actual enjoyment) without the extra work that children require. There is no rush.. just trust us on this one.

 

I like your signature very much, Glory's Sun.

 

Remember that deep down you want to do what's best for this baby-to-be.
And you know that means waiting until you are more prepared.

 

I had a friend in high school, probably 15 or 16 years old, who told me that all she ever wanted was a baby. Apparently, she had wanted a baby for years prior.

But she knew she had to wait until the situation presented itself as good for both her and her potential offspring.

So she waited. Now she's 29 and has five kids. Maybe six. I can't keep track of all of them.

Maybe it's not the most normal thing, and it's likely a psychological or hormonal thing pushing at you. But you're not psychotic for wanting a child, as long as you realize that when you have a baby, you need it to be born into the best possible situation. Being parented by a 19 year old isn't the best possible situation. Give it a few years.

 

Strangely enough I seem to be one of the few men my age I know who actually wants to be a father.

Beats the hell out of me why though, I can't fucking stand other peoples kids.

 

Agreed. I also want kids, but not a single one of my friends below the age of 25 wants one.

 

Condolences on the miscarriage, sunshineandshadows. I sincerely hope that the underlying cause does not affect your future attempts at motherhood.

I don't think that what you feel is necessarily not normal. That would depend on why you feel that way. The OP is very emotionally charged. Strong emotions can overrule all the sound, practical advice being offered here. But, you're reaching out. Reach for whatever support you can find.