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Is it safe to sit upright on the edge of the sofa and masturbate?

Discussion in 'Tilted Life and Sexuality' started by banwan, May 26, 2015.

  1. banwan Banned

    Don't get so upset. Just because I caught you out!! You must have your reasons for thinking it's dangerous. What are they?
     
  2. banwan Banned

    Further views please
     
  3. Baraka_Guru

    Baraka_Guru Möderätor Staff Member

    Location:
    Toronto
    I believe sitting upright on the edge of a sofa whilst masturbating would enhance the orgasm if the sofa cushion were hard enough. (My sofa cushions are, unfortunately, too soft.)
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2017
    • Like Like x 4
  4. MeltedMetalGlob

    MeltedMetalGlob Resident Loser Donor

    Location:
    Who cares, really?
    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2018
    • Like Like x 7
  5. Japchae

    Japchae Very Tilted

    Would you risk your penis?
    I don't have one, but I'm thinking the edge of the couch isn't worth the risk of anything happening to my important bits. Just move.
     
    • Like Like x 3
  6. MeltedMetalGlob

    MeltedMetalGlob Resident Loser Donor

    Location:
    Who cares, really?
    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2018
    • Like Like x 9
  7. Japchae

    Japchae Very Tilted

    Bahahahahaha ha! Seriously. Sit somewhere else, for fuck's sake.
     
    • Like Like x 3
  8. Baraka_Guru

    Baraka_Guru Möderätor Staff Member

    Location:
    Toronto
    Little known fact: "Under Pressure" by Queen and David Bowie is a sustained metaphor for the horror they experienced when a close friend of theirs sat upright on the edge of a sofa and masturbated.

    It did not end well.

    I've included the lyrics below.

    Pressure pushing down on me
    Pressing down on you, no man ask for
    Under pressure that burns a building down
    Splits a family in two
    Puts people on streets

    It's the terror of knowing
    What this world is about
    Watching some good friends
    Screaming, "Let me out!"
    Tomorrow gets me higher
    Pressure on people — people on streets

    Chippin' around, kick my brains 'round the floor
    These are the days — it never rains but it pours
    People on streets — people on streets

    It's the terror of knowing
    What this world is about
    Watching some good friends
    Screaming, "Let me out!"
    Tomorrow gets me higher, higher, higher...
    Pressure on people — people on streets

    Turned away from it all like a blind man
    Sat on a fence but it don't work
    Keep coming up with love but it's so slashed and torn
    Why, why, why?

    Love

    Insanity laughs under pressure we're cracking
    Can't we give ourselves one more chance?
    Why can't we give love that one more chance?
    Why can't we give love, give love, give love, give love, give love, give love, give love, give love?..

    'Cause love's such an old-fashioned word
    And love dares you to care for
    The people on the edge of the night
    And love dares you to change our way of
    Caring about ourselves
    This is our last dance
    This is our last dance
    This is ourselves
    Under pressure
    Under pressure
    Pressure
     
    • Like Like x 7
  9. Japchae

    Japchae Very Tilted

    I almost swallowed my gum, ha ha.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  10. MeltedMetalGlob

    MeltedMetalGlob Resident Loser Donor

    Location:
    Who cares, really?
    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2018
    • Like Like x 7
  11. redravin

    redravin Cynical Optimist Donor

    Location:
    North
    My apologies to Keats



    Thou still unravish'd couch of quietness,
    Thou foster-child of masturbation and hard edge,
    TFP historian, who canst thus express
    A flowery tale more sweetly than our rhyme:
    What legend haunts about thy shape
    Of deities or mortals, or of both,
    In angle or the dangle of dickly danger?
    What men are these? What maidens loth?
    What mad pursuit? What struggle to escape?
    What pipes and pressures? What wild ecstasy?




    Banwan heard stories unsweet, for us unheard
    further views he demands; therefore, ye soft pipes, play on;
    Not to the sensual ear, but, more endear'd,
    Pipe to the spirit ditties of no tone:
    Fair youth, sitting on the edge, thou canst not leave
    Thy dick in hand, nor ever can the ass be bare;
    Bold Lover, never, never canst thou kiss,
    Though winning near the goal yet, do not grieve;
    This is all for science, though thou hast not thy bliss,
    For ever wilt know if you die, from jacking it on the edge!
     
    • Like Like x 6
  12. MeltedMetalGlob

    MeltedMetalGlob Resident Loser Donor

    Location:
    Who cares, really?
    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2018
    • Like Like x 8
  13. Baraka_Guru

    Baraka_Guru Möderätor Staff Member

    Location:
    Toronto
    [​IMG]
     
    • Like Like x 7
  14. MeltedMetalGlob

    MeltedMetalGlob Resident Loser Donor

    Location:
    Who cares, really?
    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2018
    • Like Like x 8
  15. Lindy

    Lindy Moderator Staff Member

    Location:
    Nebraska
    Apologies to Lt. Col. John McCrae


    On sofa's edge our muscles tore
    Though banwan warned us, times afore,
    That they could rip; and even tear
    Though prone ones, they fap without fear,
    Tumescent to their solid core.

    Our cocks now dead. Short days ago
    We lived, aroused, felt lustful glow,
    We sat and fapped, but now we cry
    On sofa's edge.

    Take up your cocks, avoid the gore:
    To you from fapping on the fore
    Edge of the sofa; You won't vie;
    Your hardons will forever die
    So pound your pud, but do avoid
    The sofa's edge.



    Apologies to Limerick County

    A horny young man named banwan
    On the sofa's hard edge he sat on
    As he fapped without care
    He felt his muscles tear
    And now his hard-ons are all gone.
     
    • Like Like x 6
  16. Baraka_Guru

    Baraka_Guru Möderätor Staff Member

    Location:
    Toronto
    [​IMG]
     
    • Like Like x 6
  17. banwan Banned

    But how many males have sat upright and masturbated sit ting on the edge of the sofa? Why aren't there guidelines about this if it is unsafe for your pelvic floor?
     
  18. MeltedMetalGlob

    MeltedMetalGlob Resident Loser Donor

    Location:
    Who cares, really?
    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2018
    • Like Like x 10
  19. wye

    wye Getting Tilted

    There are! Few people know about it, but there's some classic Swiss medical research which documents harmful consequences of masturbation including digestive problems, appetite loss and vomiting, epilepsy, vertigo, bad dreams, gout, rheumatism, pimples, hemorrhoids, memory loss, blurred vision, bloody urine, and headaches: L'Onanisme; ou dissertation physique sur les maladies produites par la ... - Google Books

    A few years after Doctor Tissot authored that seminal review paper, an esteemed French publisher circulated this critical public reference guide for understanding the dangers of masturbation with the help of illustrations depicting tooth decay, balding, hemoptysis, paralysis, and death: Dittrick Museum: Le Livre Sans Titre, 1830

    And modern medical research reveals that sofas may indeed be implicated in these severe health effects: The SOFA (Sepsis-related Organ Failure Assessment) score to describe organ dysfunction/failure | SpringerLink
     
    • Like Like x 4
  20. banwan Banned

    I repeat, how many males have sat upright and masturbated sit ting on the edge of the sofa? Why aren't there guidelines about this if it is unsafe for your pelvic floor?