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Is it safe to sit upright on the edge of the sofa and masturbate?

Discussion in 'Tilted Life and Sexuality' started by banwan, May 26, 2015.

  1. redravin

    redravin Cynical Optimist Donor

    Location:
    North
    You know if I didn't know better I would suspect @Plan9 of being banwan for shits and giggles.
     
    • Like Like x 4
  2. Lindy

    Lindy Moderator Staff Member

    Location:
    Nebraska
    Sofa fetish evermore...

    Upon a sofa hard and germy, handling my cock so firmy,
    Thought of my quaint and curious problem, muscles rip and muscles torn–
    I sat upright, clearly fapping, close to cumming from the fapping,
    On the sofa, edging, fapping, freaked at tapping on my door.
    "'Tis some scientist," I muttered, "seeking knowledge, nothing more–
    Knowledge of the pelvic floor."

    Apologies to Edgar Allen Poe

    and

    Elmore Rual Torn, Jr.
    Rip Torn - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
     
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2016
    • Like Like x 6
  3. Baraka_Guru

    Baraka_Guru Möderätor Staff Member

    Location:
    Toronto
    I think the research required to determine an estimate on this is too cost-prohibitive. Why do you ask?

    Why aren't there guidelines about masturbation in general if it is unsafe for your eyesight?
     
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2016
    • Like Like x 6
  4. Lindy

    Lindy Moderator Staff Member

    Location:
    Nebraska
    Not with government financing. Let our grandkids pay for it. The new bureau could be Federal Angry Pricks Fantasizing Anal Penetration For All Peckers.

    That's Fanny;) FapFapFap in Government Speak.

    I firmly believe that if I only masturbate in the dark with a Hitachi Magic Wank the buzzing has a protective effect on my eyesight. The same effect carries over into daylight if I wear dark glasses or the name of the day ends in 'ay.'
     
    • Like Like x 6
  5. MeltedMetalGlob

    MeltedMetalGlob Resident Loser Donor

    Location:
    Who cares, really?
    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2018
    • Like Like x 10
  6. Lindy

    Lindy Moderator Staff Member

    Location:
    Nebraska
    This fun thread has given me incentative;) (let's see... nominative, genitive, dative, accusative, instrumental, and incentative, right?) to have fun with bad parodies of warhorse poetry.

    I'm probably using it as an avoidance mechanism to fluff off something important that I should be doing.


    Apologies to the Kansas City Royals

    The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Fapville nine that day;
    The sofa's edge was hard, with but one cumming left to play.
    And then Baraka died at first, torn muscles sore inflamed,
    A creamy, sticky substance touched the patrons of the game.

    A straggling few zipped up their pants. The rest
    put lovely pearl necklaces on six cheerleaders breasts.
    They thought, if only banwan could get a whack (heh-heh) at that
    They'd take their chance with muscle tears
    with banwan at the bat...

    etc., etc., and so forth...
     
    • Like Like x 6
  7. MeltedMetalGlob

    MeltedMetalGlob Resident Loser Donor

    Location:
    Who cares, really?
    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2018
    • Like Like x 9
  8. Japchae

    Japchae Very Tilted

    #HairyPalms
     
    • Like Like x 2
  9. redravin

    redravin Cynical Optimist Donor

    Location:
    North
    Countdown to banwan asking the question again ...

    5
    4
    3
    2
    1
    .
    .
    .
     
    • Like Like x 5
  10. banwan Banned

    Doctors have said that if a male is sat upright on the edge of a sofa or chair masturbating there is a chance that he will become unaware of the pressure from the chair building up on the area between his anus and scrotum as a result of the pleasure experienced from the masturbatory act. If the male ejaculates in this position that pressure will result in his ejaculatory muscles tearing due to the pressure obstructing the free movement of these muscles.
     
  11. Borla

    Borla Moderator Staff Member

    What doctors?

    Link?
     
    • Like Like x 2
  12. banwan Banned


    Local doctors, who do not post all their information on the internet!! Where is your link to suggest it's safe?
     
  13. Baraka_Guru

    Baraka_Guru Möderätor Staff Member

    Location:
    Toronto
    Doctors have actually disproved that theory. I think it was ten years or so ago.
     
    • Like Like x 4
  14. Borla

    Borla Moderator Staff Member

    The doctors that proved it is safe are local doctors that do not post all their information on the Internet, sorry.
     
    • Like Like x 5
  15. banwan Banned


    Right, so why so concerned about me not providing a link when you won't? Bit strange don't you think?
     
  16. Japchae

    Japchae Very Tilted

  17. banwan Banned

  18. Borla

    Borla Moderator Staff Member

    My guess was that someone so concerned with the subject would only reference actual published studies.


    Otherwise it would be paranoia over an old wives' tale, no?
     
    • Like Like x 1
  19. banwan Banned


    This does not require studies this is basic anatomy and specifically the impact that furniture pressure has on the workings of male anatomy at the state of orgasm. You are presumably aware that during an orgasm the bulbospongiosus and ischiocavernosus muscles contract forcibly. If these forceful contractions are interrupted by furniture pressure acting on these muscles as they attempt to move it is just common sense that they will rip. Why do you find this so difficult to imagine?
     
  20. Borla

    Borla Moderator Staff Member

    'Cept it isn't.

    If it was, you'd have scientific documentation to link.


    IB4youaskmetolinkyoutoproofofanegati ewhentheburdenofproofisontheinitialclaimyoumadenotonanyonelse. ;)
     
    • Like Like x 4