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Is Marriage Becoming Government Sponsored Dating?

Discussion in 'Tilted Life and Sexuality' started by EventHorizon, Aug 23, 2011.

Page 2 of 2
  1. Charlatan

    Charlatan sous les pavés, la plage

    Location:
    Temasek
    I think one of the best things that's happened to marriage is that one can get a divorce much easier and will much less stigma. Back in the 70s I saw too many of my friend's parents stay together, "for the kids". Those were some of the nasty homes to visit. The parents were trying to hide the fact that they weren't together, they were trying to keep a happy face on for everyone else. But their misery was plain to see.

    After 10 years of marriage, my Mom left my Dad. This was 1968. She was ostracized by her parents and treated as an "unfit mother" by lawyers who tried to take me away from her. I was only 6 months old, so I can only go based on what others have told me, but it sounds pretty shitty.

    Why should anyone stay in a loveless marriage?

    That said... too many people rush into marriage. They don't think about long term. They don't spend time getting to know their partner. I am a big advocate for living together before marriage and clearly of per-marital sex (I can't believe I have to advocate for this but I have heard too many people state the opposite to take anything for granted). You need to know someone before you are going to commit to the long term. Anything else is living in some sort of happily ever after world that had no bearing on reality.
     
    Charlatan, Aug 25, 2011
    #21
    • Like Like x 1
  2. KirStang

    KirStang Something Patriotic.

    Location:
    In the 17 Judicial Circuit
    Typing from my phone here so its short: But marriage for love is really a culturally dependant concept. hence loveless marriages arent per se bad, simply we're conditioned to believe that love should be ever present in a marriage. other reasons for marriage like child bearing or stability are largely discarded in contemporary western society.
     
    KirStang, Aug 25, 2011
    #22
  3. lionrock

    lionrock Getting Tilted

    Location:
    Out here
    If only dating were involved....
     
    lionrock, Aug 25, 2011
    #23
  4. snowy

    snowy so kawaii Staff Member

    KirStang brings up a great point about divorce.

    Additionally, I would argue that divorce statistics, as they are currently tabulated, are incredibly misleading. Tara Parker-Pope's book For Better: How the Surprising Science of Happy Couples Can Help Your Marriage Succeed outlines some of the reasons as to why. It's worth reading just the first chapter of the book to get a sense of how divorce statistics are compiled. I can't sum it up well, as it has been several months since I've read it, but I do remember that divorce statistics are better understood when broken down and controlled by when the people in question got married--for instance, people married in the 1970s are more likely to get divorced than people married in the 1980s. Part of that is the fallout from no-fault divorce, as KirStang mentioned. I know from my own coursework that the risk of divorce goes down considerably 1) the older the people getting married are, especially if they are over 25, and 2) the better educated they are. The chance of my husband and I getting divorced is ridiculously low because we got married at 28 and both possess Bachelor's degrees. This isn't to say we're overconfident--rather, we've spent a lot of time trying to improve our relationship with each other. Did I mention tomorrow is our one-year anniversary? We did live together for five years before we got married, so we both knew what we were getting into :)
    --- merged: Aug 27, 2011 11:31 PM ---
    Also, to add to something KirStang said: marriage for love is not only a culturally dependent concept, it's also a relatively new concept. We no longer view marriage as a communal institution that furthers familial interests.
     
    snowy, Aug 27, 2011
    #24
  5. Charlatan

    Charlatan sous les pavés, la plage

    Location:
    Temasek
    Happy Anniversary Snowy!
     
    Charlatan, Aug 27, 2011
    #25
  6. Mathilda

    Mathilda New Member

    No fault divorce has certainly had a big effect.
    Even bigger though in my opinion has been more economic freedom of women.
    If you can't support yourself and your kids, you are kind of stuck in a marriage, how ever loveless.
     
    Mathilda, Aug 28, 2011
    #26
  7. Ourcrazymodern?

    Ourcrazymodern? still, wondering

    Location:
    The Longfellow Neighborhood
    Feeling the effects of government sponsorship with the benefits it's said to provide might cost everybody more than society's accepting the fact that its people control it, not vice-versa.
     
    Ourcrazymodern?, Aug 28, 2011
    #27
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