Is Monogamy really THAT complicated?

forgive me for pulling the Bill Clinton card, but does that just mean intercourse? there's a slew of other things that really arent that simple unfortunately :\

 

So, basically... you're sporting a one-in-a-million case and somehow that applies here?

 

Relationships can be complicated when a) the rules are unclear or undefined, b) the rules don't suit both individuals.

Monogamy involves an implicit set of boundaries governing acceptable behavior towards others, which elevates its complexity above that of other relationship types.

 

So what are you saying? That my position, though rare, is unacceptable to bring up because it doesn't fit a particular mindset?
Is my statement of "everything else is negotiable" too vague?


meh...don't bother answering...I'll be over here in the freak corner if ya need me...

 

I trust you'll stay there until you freak out. My one-in-seven-billion experience told me I fucked up. That sensation is unsatisfying to me, which leads to me changing my mind... Thereto I plight thee my troth. Monogamy is perverted, IMO; impractical at best, & retarding to the experience of being fellow human beings.

 

Complicated? I know the rules and stick to them, but the mind wanders, the eye wanders, long term monogamy will eventually mean some times where you feel distant.

 

From what I've seen and experiences, there's the "idea" of fidelity that is the cultural standard, and then there is the Real Life part.

My own standard is that its much more about breaking a level of trust than it is any specific act. In order to know what I'm trusting someone to, that's where the conversation comes in.

I'm a flirtatious person. I am drawn towards very outgoing personalities who themselves are also flirtatious. I also do not believe that my relationship with someone overrides their autonomy. We're both in a relationship together to come out greater than the sum of our parts, but above all we are ourselves first.

I think the biggest reason for the communication hurdle is people don't really often know how they'll feel about specific things until after they happen. You might have agreed that X was ok. But then something else happens that one party didn't know would bother you and it was never discussed, but come to find out it DOES in fact violate a level of trust. In my observation this is often the case in violations of emotional intimacy.

 

amonkie, well said. I could have written the same thing. I especially agree that sometimes in retrospect one realizes that even one's own behavior was "flirting" (speaking of flirting) with some boundaries that hadn't been discussed. I know that has happened to me. I love people and interacting with people and getting right to the good stuff, but in our early days together, I'd have to say that that easy intimacy was a problem for my partner, now wife. As time goes on, our own intimacy has deepened, as has our level of trust and security with our relationship. I think the irony is that the stronger the relationship, the better chances there are of it becoming greater than the sum of the parts, as well as the chance of each of us to become better, wiser, more experience, more fully realized. That is, the stronger the relationship, the more likely it will allow some experimentation. That's when it gets really fun.