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Is porn ruining our love lives?

Discussion in 'Tilted Life and Sexuality' started by Eddie, Oct 26, 2011.

  1. Eddie Getting Tilted

  2. CinnamonGirl

    CinnamonGirl The Cheat is GROUNDED! Donor

    Without reading the article, I'm going to say NO. Pop songs and romantic comedies are ruining our love lives.

    I'll go read the article now :)

    Edit: watch the video, rather. C'mon, get buffering!
     
    • Like Like x 4
  3. Eddie Getting Tilted

    You got dial-up?
     
  4. CinnamonGirl

    CinnamonGirl The Cheat is GROUNDED! Donor

    lol...no, just a dying router (plus, I got distracted while it was buffering.)

    Anyway, she makes some good points, and I did check out the website. A lot of it seems like common sense, and it's weird to think other people can't see that.

    I dated a guy, though, who had been watching porn since he was 8 or 9 (he was 21 when we first got together, 4 years younger than me.) We never really talked about it much, but some of his perceptions were a bit....off. I wish I could think of a specific example, but I'm totally blanking right now.
     
  5. Eddie Getting Tilted

    Well, the lady in the article's point was that young men are receiving their sex education by watching hardcore porn and therefore have a skewed idea of what is acceptable during sex. She used a face shot as an example. But I'm not sure I agree with her.

    I sort of look at it like, there are things that men like; blowjobs, handjobs, etc that aren't necessarily enjoyable for the woman...but she does them to please her partner. Just as there are things that women like that aren't the most enjoyable for men, but we do them. The whole give and take thing. I think giving a woman a money shot is something that men like to do, even though it's still fairly taboo, but women do it to please their partner. Maybe I'm way off here.
     
  6. Cypher

    Cypher New Member

    I don't think she should speak about being a young man until she experiences it for herself.
     
    • Like Like x 5
  7. Eddie Getting Tilted

    Do disagree with her assertions? Did you check out her website?
     
  8. martian

    martian Server Monkey Staff Member

    Location:
    Mars
    I think you're missing the point a bit. The issue isn't porn as such; it's that young people are turning to pornography in absence of other educational sources to learn about sex, and are developing all sorts of unhealthy beliefs as a result.

    So the problem (and ergo the solution) is not porn. It's (lack of) proper education.
     
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    • Agree Agree x 1
  9. mixedmedia

    mixedmedia ...

    Location:
    Florida
    /end thread
     
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  10. Poetry

    Poetry Totally Sharky, Complete

    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA
    Where do I send the two dozen roses?
     
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  11. Plan9

    Plan9 Standing in the Door Donor

    Location:
    This Island Earth
    ...
     
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  12. Plan9

    Plan9 Standing in the Door Donor

    Location:
    This Island Earth
    Okay, now for an actual post:

    A lot of pats on the back and yet I'm still not getting a warm 'n fuzzy here.

    I must have totally missed the How To Fuck Properly memo when I was 15.

    Okay, that's great... but... what's a proper education on how to do the nasty? National Geographic segments on African tribal culture? Those low grade smutty History channel shows about the history of human sexuality? Peering through the slats in the closet to watch your older sister get pommeled by that studly high school quarterback with the monosyllabic name? Biff. Jake. Something. Where's the Legit Bible of Carnal Knowledge?

    Didn't Foreigner do a song on this exact topic? "I want to know what [sex] is... I want you to show me."

    Turns out porn is the overwhelming education medium because Discovery Kids doesn't have an instructional series on how to have wholesome sex. The actual katas... how the sexin' gets done... is still a taboo topic in many circles. My father's advice? "I know you're going to do it. Be safe. Use a condom. Know that it causes a lot of emotional drama." But nobody ever said how... like there were rules and regulations to follow or something. Granted, my father didn't know she was showing up on the weekend in Victoria's Secret lingerie and I was railing her in the ass in his basement.

    What's "right" sex? What's "normal" sex? I have to say that my sex life kinda mirrors the things seen in hardcore pornography. I must be a freak.

    To suggest that porn isn't a good education is to suggest that there is a mainstream alternative. So what is that? Sex Ed in high school? HAW HAW.

    I received a primer on the female anatomy and how to get to know someone (Bible-style) from Ye Olde Hardcore Pornography (TM). I saw ridiculous-looking people doing things that disgusted me and I saw ridiculous looking people doing things that appealed to me. I tried those things that appealed to me with various girlfriends (most had minimal exposure to pornography) and everything worked out okay. I think the problem with all these clever "wrong education" responses is that nobody says what a "right education" is, where to get it and who is supposed to dispense it.

    So somebody share that with me? I'm not a genius. I want to learn.

    Because apparently I've been doing it wrong my whole life.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  13. Fremen

    Fremen Allright, who stole my mustache? Donor

    Location:
    E. Texas
    I read that as "Hee Haw", and I thought, "Yes, I did learn quite a bit about sex from Hee Haw as a kid."
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  14. Baraka_Guru

    Baraka_Guru Möderätor Staff Member

    Location:
    Toronto
    The issue is broader than simple changing of expectations of sexual interaction.

    Not to drop a bomb on the thread or anything, but I think porn can ruin relationships on a level beyond simple "why won't you take it on the face?"

    (Article has links on source page; shortened for length)

    http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...induced-sexual-dysfunction-is-growing-problem

    So I think it's a bit early, but there is growing evidence that porn as it relates to a sex addiction can lead to problems in the bedroom. I think it deserves study to say the least.

    Porn and how it's distributed and how much it is distributed (and consumed) has changed astoundingly in the past ten years alone---heck, five, even.

    This isn't to say that porn is bad in and of itself. What I think can lead to problems is something about porn viewing habits run amok.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  15. Cypher

    Cypher New Member

    In canada we learn everything about sex that we should know when we are young. I think thats the right way to do it.
     
  16. Plan9

    Plan9 Standing in the Door Donor

    Location:
    This Island Earth
    For those that are all "TL;DR": Baraka just filled the page, Host-style, with the "all good things in moderation" argument.
     
    • Like Like x 4
  17. martian

    martian Server Monkey Staff Member

    Location:
    Mars
    Not quite. Suggesting that porn is not good sex education implies a need for a better alternative, but not the existence of one.

    And, quite frankly, yes.

    Look, you don't have to give kids an illustrated tour here; there's a lot of stuff that you can just leave them to figure out for themselves. But the problem is that in order for kids to be able to discern good sources of information from bad you need to give them some basic facts.

    Sex is highly personal. And if your greatest sexual fantasy involves pounding a girl in the ass for 40 minutes before busting a nut on her face, and if you can find a girl who's happy to participate in this fantasy, I say bust away, good sir. I certainly wouldn't say my sex life has ever looked anything like a hardcore porno, but that's just me. And if you see stuff in porn and you think it looks fun and you and your partner want to try it, that's cool.

    The problem is that many, even most kids aren't being educated when it comes to the basic facts on sex. Nobody is sitting down with them and explaining how to use a condom (or why they should), nobody's telling them that spit is not a good lubricant, nobody is telling them that it can take a woman as much as 20 minutes to get fully aroused, nobody's telling them about the risks of STI's or how truly, genuinely awful ass-to-mouth is. In short, nobody is explaining that porn is a fantasy on film.

    I enjoy porn. I think it's neato. But let's just make sure we understand it for what it is, here. Nobody in porn ever smashes their skull into the headboard accidentally. Nobody in porn ever falls off the bed. Girls in porn never leave a big wet spot on the sheets. None of that stuff ever happens because it's fantasy, and as long as everyone understands that we'll be fine.
     
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    • Agree Agree x 1
  18. DamnitAll

    DamnitAll Wait... what?

    Location:
    Central MD
    I knew there had to be another reason I like Canadians so much.
     
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  19. Plan9

    Plan9 Standing in the Door Donor

    Location:
    This Island Earth
    Martian,

    Yeah, I wasn't implying that the alternative was in existence. Because it's obviously not. Sex education in the United States (in those states that even allow it) is a half-ass human biology class taught by awkward middle-aged women that focuses more on gametes and crappy cartoon fallopian tubes than on anything else. It certainly doesn't talk about what kids really need to know: how to roll on a condom properly and the location of the clitoris.

    It's been my experience that parents don't really talk about sex other than the "use a condom" speech.

    And nobody wholesome is really talkin' about how exactly to use those "Moves like Jagger."

    You've got locker room conquest tales and Web pornography to guide you.

    Being a teenager is confusing. It's amazing I figured out sex at all.

    ...

    What the fuck does that even mean?

    ...

    Relevant:

     
  20. Baraka_Guru

    Baraka_Guru Möderätor Staff Member

    Location:
    Toronto
    Maybe the powers that be feel that the U.S. economy needs all those unwanted teen pregnancies. I can't otherwise understand why they don't do anything about it, considering the U.S. has the highest teen pregnancy rate in the industrialized world.

    I'm just kidding. I know why they don't do anything about it. It would make baby Jesus cry if kids knew about contraception.

    My guess is that this is a reference to the fact that sex ed in Canada puts sex ed in the U.S. to shame.