Jon Loves Tim, Tim Loves Jon, but sex never happens

Tim and I met in 2001 as friends and got together in 2004. I knew back in 01 that he wasn't what you'd call a sex maniac. He loves kissing and holding, but to have actual sex I always had to like, prop him up and insert tab J into tab T. Not into that, because it feels too much like I'm raping him against his will.

When we started the relationship, he said he was willing to learn to be more sexual. 7 years later, that hasn't happened. I try to get him to talk about it, but he shies away from the topic, gives me non-answers, etc. Neither one of us is comfortable talking about "feelings."

So I'm looking into other options that don't entail cheating on him. I got a fleshlight which was great, but it got old, so I got a new on and the new one is too ... something, it doesn't work well.

I recently found the Venus2000 online but having trouble getting real testamonials (ie not advertizements) ; anybody have any experience with this machine?

Any other ideas?

 

I'd suggest to work on the root of the problem, not to find alternatives to the real thing. I couldn't give advice on sex alternatives anyway, since the only thing I've done was the pre-sex masturbation. I'm sure the others can help you with good alternatives.

My suggestion would be to seek out a quality sex therapist, for you to make crystal clear to him your frustrations and to work on the issue together. Obviously, before visiting the sex therapist, it'd be best to to discuss the sex therapy option with Tim and to persuade him that this is something to work for, especially if you communicate how much this issue bothers you.

You could always throw in the females' choice: "DOES OUR RELATIONSHIP MEAN SO LITTLE TO YOU THAT YOU WON'T EVEN MAKE AN EFFORT FOR MY AND OUR SAKE, YOU BASTARD?!"

 

Gave my dear friend Robert a man for xmas one year - a blind date. Sadly it was like I got him a scalectric with a dodgy transformer, they got on very well, but Robert described him as being a cyberman when it came to sex. I dropped in one day, and his pressie had the look on his face that our old dog used to get when the vet had shoved a thermometer up its arse. They didnt last as long as you have, it cant have been easy for you. I have other friends, a couple, who have met a young man who is coming to live with them for a year whilst he is in college. Their sex life was dead before, and now it isnt - myself, I think they are swimming in dangerous waters.
You do need to bite the bullet I think, and talk to your partner. Could be a simple medical condition that is easily rectified, maybe not, but I think - heck, whats wrong with visiting the well man clinic. Would he be willing to explore viagra or would it hurt to raise such an idea with him. Bitches may use the line given by remixer, I would think a better approach is to say what you have told us, that you have been hoping for a long time that he might develope more of an appatetite for you - its obvious he loves you as much as you love him, and please would he at least have a proper health check up - if its an early sign of a medical problem, because he loves you, tell him he must find out - put both your minds at rest.
As to equipment, my mate and I never discussed such things - he could be a bit of a tart at times (but I love him) - he used to watch movies - but I guess you went down that path long ago.
Good luck to ya. I hope you get his transformer fixed.

 

If you really love each other, talking about your feelings should come naturally. Likewise, the sex. I don't get it. I don't understand sex toys, either, so I guess I've got nothing more to offer. Value the cuddling & talk to him about what else you want.

 

Yeaa...sex is a huge part of my relationships. Even if such a conversation will cause problems, it's worth it to emphasize to him just how important the sex is to you. Otherwise, the problem might fester and become a cause for resentment.

 

In a relationship, sex is a means of pleasure and communication. Many people have different sex drives from both perspectives - they need more or less pleasure, and more or less communication. BUT... both pleasure and communication are major aspects of a relationship, and when there is a major difference in the sex drives, there needs to be some negotiation if the relationship is to survive. After 7 years, it sounds like you feel you are making all the accommodations for the difference in the drives, and are becoming more and more frustrated with his inability to appreciate your sacrifices for the relationship. I would say you need to make him understand that, either directly, or through counselling. It may be that he sees that he is responding appropriately, accepting more sex than he wants simply to please you. If you're going to stay together happily, you need to know how each of you sees the issue.

 

I agree with greywolf, sex is part of communication. Unfortunate for those of us, whose partners speak a different language...

 

The fact that neither of you are comfortable talking about your feelings is probably the bigger problem here. Sounds as if you might both be suffering from unmet needs. Yours is sex...his is...well...you'll never know until you both learn how to communicate your feelings to one another.

If you are both unwilling to do that then nothing much is likely to change if it hasn't in 7 years. Pleasuring yourself with equipment outside the body and mind of your partner is only a bandaid on the problem and is only a bandaid for you.