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Kink: for fun and consensual sexploration

Discussion in 'Tilted Life and Sexuality' started by mistressanarchy, Nov 9, 2011.

  1. Alistair Eurotrash

    Reading, UK
    I've never really thought about the difference between "kink" and "fetish", but I see what you mean, mixedmedia (or I think I do).

    Would it be fair to say that "kink" is something you can play with and enjoy, while fetish is more about a narrowly focused area that you get off on?

    I also wonder about the original post. I'm not sure what it's about. Is it about espousing more playfulness and bringing that playfulness out of the bedroom and into the rest of one's life? I'm not clear what it was all about.
  2. Baraka_Guru

    Baraka_Guru Möderätor Staff Member

    Ah, kink... It's been around forever, but people still talk about it like it's something new. I suppose it is if you consider the religious or social "norms" inherent in most communities.

    Personally, I'm not nearly as interested in the practices we call "kinky" as I am about the narratives we can build around them. You know, the accountant who likes to be pegged because it takes him outside of his staid world of ledgers and balance sheets, or the well-known CEO of a large multinational corporation who's into paraphilic infantilism because it alleviates the stressors of his professional life fraught with responsibility, decision making, and leadership demands.

    I suppose this is merely to tame the closet existentialist in me who might think we're no better than creatures fucking in the mud.
    • Like Like x 1
  3. EventHorizon

    EventHorizon assuredly the cause of the angry Economy..

    i mean, i've always wanted to try some kink out but my limit is when Bruce Willis starts choppin down dudes with a katana to save me from being ball-gagged and on the receiving end of a colonoscopy from some pawn shop owner's one eyed monster. also, i don't think i could handle being a sub, it has no appeal to me whatsoever.
    • Like Like x 1
  4. Plan9

    Plan9 Hard To Kill Donor

    This Island Earth
    We really need to drink together sometime.
  5. Baraka_Guru

    Baraka_Guru Möderätor Staff Member

    You're probably right.
  6. curiousbear

    curiousbear Terse & Bizarre

    MM, I wish that statement is really true :)
  7. Zen

    Zen Very Tilted Donor

    Hi mistressanarchy

    I read your post in the monogamy thread ...
    You and your boyfriend are at long-distance at the moment, you feel alone in the midst of wide and varied possible plenty, and refuse to do what could be hurtful.

    I'm pleased to meet you
    I'm male, and for many years, my ex-wife was pre-op transsexual until deciding to be lesbian. Queer culture and gender study was a large part of our relationship. I celebrate the learning we did together as well as our choice to go our separate ways.

    So-called alternative lifestyles and activities are rich areas for study because they are dead-centre of where spread of opinions become widest and most intense. The word 'alternative' itself proposes difference which may be relabeled or re-felt as oppositional. 'Simple' feminism, and earlier notions of 'equal rights for women' have also been or made to be 'zones of combat', rather than accepted with relief and curiosity, as the natural progression of a population committed to identifying, embracing and evolving diversity.

    Safe space is something which alternative minds are often denied in the world - with extreme prejudice :mad: Your concern with safety and not hurting people is very appreciated by me.

    I've also read your posts in this thread and, actually, I'm very upset as I see your last words so far ...
    ... because I can stand, as well as I can, in your shoes, and have a sense of 'my first thread has been slapped in my face', which, added to your stated love of discussion, and having just discovered this place designed for intelligent discussion in the areas you've specified ... Aw Heck dang and dang again. I mean, you've not even had a chance to pull your chair up to the table.

    Please can you hear this: nobody's judging your lifestyle. Some are, however, questioning your own judgments and assumptions about it and also about this forum.

    Also, I think your understandably prompt response, to EventHorizon's well-meaning and welcoming suggestion that you do a Kink thread, short-circuited the 'Newcomers' Optimal Lurk-> Post Process', which left some gaps in your knowledge which were difficult to bridge without some abrasion. Let me explain, or at least share my perspective:

    There's an unhappy 'circle' which, best as I can see it, turned into a spiral: this forum's founders and admins have spent years to create a safe shared space that alternative minds might appreciate - to explore and evolve, in ways which could be unsupported or even hampered elsewhere. Now You, Mistress have come along and
    However, since you have done so within the very space - this forum - already set up for that function, you have received "???" and "!!!" responses. And now you're upset. And I have to shout "Same Team!" or "Friendly fire!"

    To use your own other stated interest .... it felt like you'd cycled into a Bicycle Repair Shop, tapped your wrench on the table for attention, and announced: 'Y'know, in this world of car-drivers, it can be a challenge for people who like traveling on two wheels ... I was lucky to get this choice in life, but the danger of being vilified and shunned is real for people .... I am going to set up a small, safe corner of this repair shop for people who are interested in repairing ... Bicycles'

    Other people in the repair shop pause from tightening spokes, balancing rims and debating the comparative worth of closed gear systems like Sturmey-Archer and open ones like Dérailleur; they look toward you and you get a sense of their different degrees of bemusement and possibly a little irritation - because, in the main, they're already doing it and it's not a big issue.

    It's not about your liking bikes or your lifestyle, Mistress ... it's that you've found a relatively safe place ... perhaps a place to be less alone ... possibly, eventually, an on-line home ... but haven't yet realized it.

    Welcome, please stay through and beyond the discomfort of this thread, and take care.
    • Like Like x 5
  8. curiousbear

    curiousbear Terse & Bizarre

    Zen, good post.

    mistressanarchy, I came here 3+ years ago! I had learnt a lot! I love this forum. Take it slow - You will definitely like it
  9. cynthetiq

    cynthetiq Administrator Staff Member Donor

    New York City
    Welcome. I think that many people who came here later don't know that we started off here as a porn site. In 2009 we spun off the porn into it's own forum. Some members may have forgotten. "Come for the boobies, stay for the discussion" became our unofficial tagline. After the initial draw of looking at tits at the titty board, it got boring so some people wanted a space to have more Off the Wayside. In fact the Off the Wayside rules are more or less how it is for a good portion of this space.

    What we do here well is disagree respectfully during discussions. It may include statements as, "That's good for you, it's not for me." or "I'm glad you like it, I don't."

    What isn't acceptable is to attack the person for their beliefs, lifestyle... heck look at my sig for the rest of them.
  10. mixedmedia

    mixedmedia ...

    Yes, that would be fair. :)

    A fetish is more sensual. Sexualizing some thing based on how it looks, feels, smells, tastes.
    Kink is an activity. Something that you do.
  11. lotsofmagnets

    lotsofmagnets Vertical

    another n00b scared away?
  12. curiousbear

    curiousbear Terse & Bizarre

    Thanks MM and all for the clarity

    So I am more on kink not any fetish
  13. wyopen

    wyopen Getting Tilted

    Is kink any always thing or can it be just occasional to spice things up? There are some things I'd like to try and a few I've tried, but most of the time it's good ol' mutual masturbation and intercourse often with some sexy video on. As long as both people are okay with it, why not try it?
  14. davynn

    davynn Getting Tilted

    East coast U.S.A.
    Kinks and fetishes ... keeping in mind that definitions and socially acceptable parameters evolve within the context of the times extant ... the unchanging questions for me are: Does a specified kink or a fetish involve an unwilling participant? Is anyone irreparably physically or psychologically harmed? If not ... you're good to go.
    • Like Like x 2
  15. ashland

    ashland Vertical

    Have you ever been on a date and found out the person you're with will only agree to sex if you're tied up and blindfolded?
  16. Plan9

    Plan9 Hard To Kill Donor

    This Island Earth
    ...bitch took my wallet, too.
    • Like Like x 3
  17. streak_56

    streak_56 I'm doing something, going somewhere...

    C eh N eh D eh....
    I see it as making things interesting and something to explore if both partners want to do it...
  18. wyopen

    wyopen Getting Tilted

    taking a wallet?
  19. streak_56

    streak_56 I'm doing something, going somewhere...

    C eh N eh D eh....
    yeah, you just got reach down really deep
  20. dunpender New Member

    Alight spanking can make me hard, at leats it did when I was a boy, only happened once and led to some interesting developments
    • Like Like x 1