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Life changes & Friends

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by SocialJoke, Jul 28, 2017.

  1. SocialJoke

    SocialJoke New Member

    I had previously written about how I was "maintaining" my wife eating as to not be enabling her bad choices. Which made her life better but she didn't see it.

    Anyways I got some advice and made some changes (not so much based on advice here but about changes between her and I).

    My neighbors are 20yrs younger than me and one is 25yrs older and we all started hanging out as a bunch. Grilling, talking, watching movies, doing family time.

    My wife didn't want to join in instead sit inside all day and sleep and eat and watch Netflix and I finally said "ok you do whatever" and let her eat and be the way she wants.

    Since June she has gained 42lbs, her doctor got all over her about her actions, i hardly spend time with her anymore. She has taken over our bedroom and its as if im no longer allowed to sleep in there.

    She msgs me constantly asking for things and I have told her no cause im either working or I was just at the store and im not going back.

    The sad part is.. My wife hates her life, she hates what she is, she complains all the time, she even complains about the doctors. Everyone else is a problem but her.

    I have tried and tried to make this work but she at this point just wants me for doing things otherwise im nothing and Ive had enough. So does that make me a asshole.. Yep.. Did trying for years and years to keep my wife functional and not enable her.. Yep..

    So am I a Asshole.. yep.. And this week im filing for divorce.. The kids know their mom has issues and she wont take help and know im at wits end and i wont continue this anymore.
    • Like Like x 1
  2. cynthetiq

    cynthetiq Administrator Staff Member Donor

    New York City
    Sounds like your wife may have issues beyond your ability to help her.
    • Like Like x 1
  3. Cayvmann

    Cayvmann Very Tilted

    Do what you have to to keep your own sanity. Sounds like she's got problems that she doesn't want to address, and you can't make her do it.

    You are probably going to feel like and asshole for a while, but living with someone like that is suffocating.
    • Like Like x 4
  4. genuinemommy

    genuinemommy Moderator Staff Member

    I'm glad you're making steps to get your children and yourself out of a bad place. I hope that you'll consider family counseling for yourself and your children to help you through this difficult transition.
    • Like Like x 2
  5. Wildmermaid

    Wildmermaid Very Tilted

    Pacific Northwest
    It sounds like leaving is hard but staying will be harder and will teach your children maybe the wrong lessons. Sometimes people just grow apart and the best thing is to realize that and let each other go. Sounds like you're taking the right steps for your future and that of your kids. I agree with @genuinemommy a bit of counseling personal and family could really aid you all in the transition. Good luck to you in divorce in the coming months. You may feel horrible now but down the road will probably wake up and breath a little easier knowing that your future will be what you make it.
    • Like Like x 1
  6. SocialJoke

    SocialJoke New Member

    Our oldest who has a child of her own whos been living with us, her husband is active duty and is over seas for a while. Will not let her mom near our grandson and that has created more friction as well.

    My oldest and me and my youngest are going to get a place and my wife will have to make due and take responsibility now. Its hard to be this way.. I still love my wife but even if she cleaned up today I just can't anymore. It's been too much. I have spoken to my mother in law and sister in law and while they are not happy they understand whats going on and we will keep tabs (especially cause of the kids)
  7. snowy

    snowy so kawaii Staff Member Donor

    Sounds like she might be struggling with mental illness. Perhaps some compassion is in order, on both sides.
    • Like Like x 2
  8. SocialJoke

    SocialJoke New Member

    Well figured I post a update. I left my wife and our oldest moved with me till her husband got back from serving and they got a house. My youngest and me live together. I got a new job and will be moving (with my youngest) in a couple months out of state. I have dated some but the move and is where I plan to start fresh. My divorce was final early this month. The kids have had limited contact with her by their choice. I can't believe what's all transpired over the last year. I'm just glad this all came out better than expected. It was hard but and it took alot to put the big foot forward, making alot of sacrifices, dealing with the kids (they pretty much were ready though). Last I heard from about my ex, was through my ex's parents whom im still good with, was she had gotten a one bedroom apartment and was working at a pizza place.

    Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk
    • Like Like x 3