1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.
  2. We've had very few donations over the year. I'm going to be short soon as some personal things are keeping me from putting up the money. If you have something small to contribute it's greatly appreciated. Please put your screen name as well so that I can give you credit. Click here: Donations
    Dismiss Notice
Cookies Donations 2021

Masturbation

Discussion in 'Tilted Life and Sexuality' started by Alexandria, Dec 29, 2013.

Page 1 of 5
  1. ALEXANDRIA

    Alexandria New Member

    I was on my fiance's computer and found file folders with pictures of celebrities. I'm sure that he uses these pictures for masturbating. What bothered me is that there were also file folders with pictures of females that we both know. He is a great guy so I don't understand why he would be using pictures of girls that we know. He is getting their pictures from facebook. Knowing that he masturbates does not bother me at all. I am a virgin and we are waiting to have sex until we are married which is in June, so I understand that he needs to release sexual tension. We have been together for 7 years. It just bothers me that he has pictures of our friends. Not that long ago, I asked him if he masturbated and he told me no. He probably just felt weird talking about it. Should I worry that he has pictures of friends? Does this mean that he would want to have sex with them in real life or is this harmless?
     
    Alexandria, Dec 29, 2013
    #1
  2. Borla

    Borla Moderator Staff Member

    I'd say the first step is to address why he lies and why you snoop on his computer and have to ask strangers about it instead of him, eh?

    Honest communication by both of you is the first step to a healthy relationship.
     
    Borla, Dec 29, 2013
    #2
    • Like Like x 8
  3. ASU2003

    ASU2003 Very Tilted

    Location:
    Where ever I roam
    Are they naked pictures of your friends? No (since they are from Facebook), then I don't see the problem. I wish I had pictures of people I went to high school and college with now, even though it was before digital cameras and Facebook. Even if he was fantasizing about them, he has been with you for 7 years, that sounds like he is pretty committed to you.

    I have a bigger issue with the 7 years you two have been together and having problems either masturbating in front of one another or each of you telling the other one that you masturbate. And if you don't, that is a different problem that you should look into.
     
    ASU2003, Dec 29, 2013
    #3
    • Like Like x 1
  4. fflowley

    fflowley Don't just do something, stand there!


    This really needs to be answered.
     
    fflowley, Dec 29, 2013
    #4
  5. hamsterball

    hamsterball Seeking New Outlets

    Location:
    Coming soon to a galaxy near you

    There's a serious underlying issue in this relationship and it isn't the pictures....
     
    hamsterball, Dec 29, 2013
    #5
  6. Plan9

    Plan9 Rock 'n Roll

    Location:
    Earth
    Hi, @Alexandria. Welcome to TFP. We are glad you decided to join us to talk about this issue with the group.

    Please don't misconstrue our approach as critical. Many times the questions people post have deeper issues involved.

    Example: "How can I secretly cheat on my wife?" The real question would be: "Uh, why do you want to do that?"

    ...

    Masturbation fantasies are natural and harmless until they move into creepy serial killer closet shrine territory.

    There isn't a guy with heterosexual testicles that hasn't masturbated at least once to his woman's hot friends.

    One of the funnier discussions I had at work lately was how some dudes keep picture folders of all their exes.

    Supervisor: "Dude, it was like having a time traveling, long distance threesome. Blew my mind. Quite satisfying."

    I would not worry about his choice of materials, honestly. Better real women than Barbie Doll porn stars, right?

    Got some friends that have been brainwashed by California and no longer find normal, natural women attractive.

    ...

    You've been together for seven years and are waiting to get married before sex? This is a formula for anxiety.

    How old are you? The math doesn't line up. Seems that people that no-sex-until-marriage get married pretty young.

    I'm also guessing sex won't be the magic or mystery you think it is today. Pretty sure you'll be all: "Ugh, what? That's it?"

    ...

    Also: I'm masturbating right now.
     
    Last edited: Dec 29, 2013
    Plan9, Dec 29, 2013
    #6
    • Like Like x 8
  7. fflowley

    fflowley Don't just do something, stand there!


    I was wondering why you kept all those pics of Borla.
     
    fflowley, Dec 29, 2013
    #7
    • Like Like x 3
  8. Plan9

    Plan9 Rock 'n Roll

    Location:
    Earth
    Heh... @Borla doesn't have a red beard.

    #FilthyFiltherton
     
    Plan9, Dec 29, 2013
    #8
    • Like Like x 5
  9. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    Masturbation, a person's way of keeping from going insane, due to their body's desires...and sex is not always available or convenient.

    He's with you, he's waiting for you.
    Trust but verify ...put it out there. It may be the talk you need before you get married.

    People aren't machines, you cannot turn on & off emotions...repress, redirect, etc...yes...turn off, no.
    You may have to figure out both your "sexual levels"...they may be different.
    This is not good or bad, but it does need to be discussed.
    No judging, no accusing...just talk. Communicate.

    Could be as simple as saying I don't mind the pics of celebs...they are a distant fantasy.
    But keeping pics of friends and acquaintances...that's too close to home. Just tell him, please don't do that.
    Set your terms...but allow some flexibility. It's a compromise.

    And yes, you're going to have to address why you were looking around in his things.
    He has to trust you too.
     
    rogue49, Dec 29, 2013
    #9
    • Like Like x 3
  10. ALEXANDRIA

    Alexandria New Member

    Hi Plan9, I am 25 and he is 27. Thank you for your posts. I feel that I am overreacting and that it is normal. When I first saw the pictures, I just thought, "Wow, he secretly wants our friends instead of me, that's not good." Lol.
     
    Alexandria, Dec 29, 2013
    #10
  11. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    @Plan9 don't corrupt her now, she's being sincere.
    We know how you are...you and your nefarious ways. :D

    /insert evil chuckle here.

    ooo...good word...where's that darn word thread now??
     
    rogue49, Dec 29, 2013
    #11
  12. Katia

    Katia Very Tilted

    Location:
    Earth
    PBI, chances are that he wants both (your friends and you). And, not necessarily at separate times. ;) In my experience, it's a typical male fantasy. That doesn't mean he's going to do anything about it though.
     
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2013
    Katia, Dec 30, 2013
    #12
    • Like Like x 1
  13. martian

    martian Server Monkey Staff Member

    Location:
    Mars

    Being able to recognize that you're overreacting is positive.

    Not overreacting would be better, but one step at a time.

    He lied to you about masturbating for the same reason you're freaked out about the idea that he's having fantasies about your friends: you've created a relationship in which discussing sex is taboo. You really should work on breaking down that barrier if you want to have a healthy relationship. Before you're married would be a good time to handle it. Good things to discuss would be why he feels the need to hide his masturbation habits from you, and why you guys are choosing to wait until you're married to have sex. That's not to say that waiting is the wrong choice but you should both have a clear idea as to why you're waiting. Discussing fantasies, what turns you on, what you're into or not into, etc, are also good subjects, but if neither of you has any sexual experience beyond personal massage you might not really know the answers to those.

    As an aside, I want to have sex with lots of people. Doesn't mean I'm going to do so, even if the opportunity arises. Desire is natural, which is why we go to the trouble of setting boundaries in the first place.
     
    martian, Dec 30, 2013
    #13
    • Like Like x 1
  14. snowy

    snowy so kawaii Staff Member


    Pretty much.

    And who knows? Maybe someday you'll end up like my husband and I, cracking jokes about mastubatory habits. 'Cause masturbation doesn't stop when you get married and have sex regularly, since they're two different beasts.
     
    snowy, Dec 30, 2013
    #14
    • Like Like x 1
  15. hamsterball

    hamsterball Seeking New Outlets

    Location:
    Coming soon to a galaxy near you
    A relationship (marital or otherwise) is a balance between your individual identities as people and your collective identity as a couple. That balance takes time to find and a great deal of work to maintain. It's important that you each respect your relationship, but it's also critical that you respect each other's boundaries. The glue that binds your relationship is respect and communication. If there's an issue, it's important to talk about it. But it can be a mistake to demand that there be no room for individual privacy. I think that's a recipe for a rocky relationship.
     
    hamsterball, Dec 30, 2013
    #15
    • Like Like x 3
  16. Street Pattern

    Street Pattern Very Tilted

    Location:
    The American Midwest
    [never mind]
     
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2013
    Street Pattern, Dec 30, 2013
    #16
  17. snowy

    snowy so kawaii Staff Member

    Well, that's too bad.
     
    snowy, Dec 30, 2013
    #17
  18. antonhugh Eugene

    antonhugh Eugene New Member

    I can understand a courtship of one, possibly two, years - but seven?! In this day and age no wonder his mind could be driven to distraction.
     
    antonhugh Eugene, Dec 31, 2013
    #18
  19. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    Is 20 times a day too much?
    I still have a few layers of skin left.

    /damn, I hate these hormone surges... :eek:
     
    rogue49, Jan 4, 2014
    #19
    • Like Like x 3
  20. Street Pattern

    Street Pattern Very Tilted

    Location:
    The American Midwest
    At my age, I'm usually a once-or-twice a day man. Four times at the most.
     
    Street Pattern, Jan 4, 2014
    #20
Page 1 of 5