Movies that suck.

Just providing you with a new base line so that my "compliments" seem amazing.

These days it wouldn't be so hot.

 

Well, I'm counting on the violence and blood to make up for it.

 

The subtitles for Japanese audio or badly dubbed English not matching the mouth will just increase the audience that would buy it.

 

DaddySquirrel is Japanese......

 

I'm thinking Paris Hilton meets Freddy Kruger.....

Maybe "A Night in Paris' Abdominal Cavity"

 

I've done enough reading and seen enough movies to know that in general I don't like SF/SFF. A "good tale" is fine, but if it's set in a genre that I generally don't like, then chances are I won't like it because of the genre. I don't automatically label movies as being bad just because I don't like them. With that said, I'm not going to sit through a movie when I know in advance I probably won't like it. I wish that I had $1.00 for each time* someone told me "You'll really like this movie," only to be disappointed (not necessarily because the movie was bad, it just might not appeal to me).

* A cliche just for @Baraka_Guru.

 

One of my "in progress" stories (I use the term loosely at this point, still a bunch of notes for the most part) is a trilogy how it is laid out currently. In the second part there is the ending where the "bad guy" confronts the "hero" ready to spoil the nefarious plans. He shoots him first where it will be a crippling mortal wound before doing anything resembling monologuing.
That would not be changed if I ever write that properly and it was turned into a movie script. If a film does something like that it goes that much higher on the "good scale" for me.


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What I refer to as 'Hollywood endings' will spoil a good movie and a book for me.
Executive Decision was a very well done movie.......until the plane landing ending.
The novel True Evil by Greg Iles was pretty entertaining........until the WTF? over-the-top 'Hollywood ending.'

 

On a more general note to directors of horror films:

1) Ease up on the fucking zombies for a while, can we?

2) For God's sake, drop the "found footage" bullshit. It has almost literally been beaten to death.

 

Terrible movies, well I'd agree with the no talent David Caruso movies, (and TV shows, who the f likes this guy?)
And, another no talent Tom Cruise (5'-7"on a good day), what the hell is with this no talent jerk....( I'm still pissed that this midget thought he could pull of being Jack Reacher, (6'-5") what a shit head.)
I must admit that I have not seen the movie, maybe when it's on TV I'll record it and blip the "pills"...

 

I'm once again stepping into the time machine.

The memoir, perhaps more of a novel according to some critics, Papillon by Henri Charriere is a good read. The movie of the same title, which was very popular and received some fairly prestigious nominations, didn't come anywhere close to matching the appeal of the book. In all fairness it would've taken a mini-series, or a very long movie, to cover all of the novel.

 

That Reacher film is on Netflix. Tom is far too light and short for the role, but I still plan on watching it. I strongly suspect my general ignorance of the literary character should help my impression of the film.
Tom was the perfect choice for the recent "Ground Hog Day meets Normandy Beach" film. That was superb and actually better with him in the lead role.

 

Tom has done some good work.
He is not a terrible actor.

 

Have to say he did do one of the top five movies of the summer (that no one watched).
If you like SF I really recommend you see Edge if Tomorrow (which they kind of changed for the DVD to Live Die Repeat, which I think would have done much better at the box office).
He is really good in it and Emily Blunt is even better.

 

That was the only new release film I have seen all year and likely will be. Well worth the money.

 

I'm an absolute sucker for a bad movie and often find myself watching it to the end just see how bad it actually is. It usually results in a "OMG that was so bad I can't believe I just wasted my time" muttering as the credits roll up.

With that said, it's pretty hard for me to pick one out of the many bad ones I've seen. The Sharknado type movies and other of their ilk are too bad for even me to watch for more than a few minutes. It may have something to do with my love of natural disaster/end of the world type films that I can't stomach it when it's not done well.

The wife and I went to the movies to watch, in her opinion, the worst movie she's ever seen. 'Daybreakers' was a majority choice (me, my friend and his brother) that she had to go along with. When one of the action sequences depicted a vampire drinking blood directly from a severed head as if it were a chalice, I knew I was in shit...the pursed-lip glare I got from her was enough to confirm that. I'm no longer allowed to choose movies. Ever.

 

Most of the blaxploitation films were tuly awful. I recall one scene, in Cleopatra Jones IIRC, where the heroine is fighting at least one guy (using martial arts, of course!), and the stunt double is clearly a guy weating ass pads.

In the Keenen Wayan's parody film, Gonna Git You Sucka, the stunt double has a mustache.

In Kentucky Fried Movie she is Cleopatra Schwatz.

 

The Underground Comedy Movie

Before his iconic, meth-driven appearances in commercials for Shamwow, before his brief infamy for severely beating a prostitute he had hired, and before his unpleasant separation from the Church of Scientology, "comedian" Vince Offer made an attempt at writing, directing, and producing a comedy movie, which he titled The Underground Comedy Movie. While the title implies that the movie is a comedy, or in any way humorous, it is neither. Early in the musical scene I hate L.A. I considered the possibility that the movie might be an attempt at satire or parody, or even dadaist anti-art. I was quickly disabused of this notion by the poorly-sung verbal diarrhea that also fell short of its apparent goal of offending me, which gave way to a sense of pity - it was quickly becoming apparent that the chief failing of UCM was not the failure to be funny, but a fundamental failure to understand the construct and nature of humor itself. Or, to borrow most of a line from the unquestionably funny Douglas Adams, the result was something almost, but not entirely, unlike humor.

If I've piqued your interest and you have to see this trainwreck yourself, please don't buy it firsthand and risk giving anyone involved money for it. Buy it for a penny if you must, but don't pay for shipping, the seller should eat the cost as penance for what they're inflicting upon the world.

 

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines
I'm a die hard straight up terminator 1 & 2 fanatic. theres 3 movies ive based my life on and its terminator 1&2 and the matrix. so I was extremely fucking upset when I went with my dad and saw t3 in theatres, and I was only 12 maybe. but first off why in gods name would john connor be a worthless stupid thug that carries a paintball gun? he should've been a military expert armed to the teeth at all times. it really made me sad to see corolco go bankrupt and james Cameron have nothing to do with this movie. he was the genius of terminator. this did everything awful and wrong to me as a person besides actually ruining the first two movies which cant be done but damn I wonder if they actually thought they were making a bad ass follow up to the originals. the girl terminator was a joke, in one seen she threw aronolds character on the floor the the floor broke under his weight, but in the first two hed be thrown and nothing would break like that because he was designed to be light. a terminator shouldn't be that goddamn heavy. john connor being a dumb ass unintelligent pussy is probably one the worst parts of this movie concept. sarah Connors character didn't have a part in 3 (they said she died of leukemia then john hit the road) because she didn't want a part in it without james Cameron being a part of the film. I think she had the right god damn idea. theres so so so much more but I cant think clearly enough right now ha ha ha. but all in all this movie was a disasterous letdown to the die hard terminator fan, to a regular person it may seem like a good movie, its probably better they feel that way to so they're not suffering the same horrific letdown that C-2 pictures bestowed upon me. one of the biggest let downs of my life. any other die hard terminator fans out there? any feel the same way I do?