My girlfriend is miserable

Just a "side bar" question: Are you hard of hearing?

 

This kinda, sorta, maybe relationship you are in is par for the course. You're both feeling your way through the early hours of what you will look back on as your learning stage (usually occurs in mid-teens but your generation seems flooded with a lot of late bloomers.)

Neither of you sounds ready for a real relationship. You're both naive and have some growing up to do. That's not said to insult you, it's simply where you are right now - where we all were once, I suspect.

Don't take this thing with her too seriously. It's going to end sooner or later and your part in all this will be to add the experience to your kit bag - to be remembered the next time.

 

LOL, yeah..that could be the reason.

 

Yeah I remember so much angst in my teens and early 20's.
In retrospect, totally not worth it, but probably unavoidable at that stage of development.

And ultimately it helps you figure out what it is you really want.

 

She passes her phone to her sister and you talk to her sister. Why?

You didn't live up to this kids expectations? So what? Is that your role in life - to live up to some spoilt child's expectations?

Just say no. Really. You're being jerked around by a couple of kids who sound closer to 14 than 18, to be honest.

Be honest now - are you really 21? If so, this is the kind of drama-fest you should have left behind a while ago.

Sorry if you don't like the opinions being given, but you asked and this is the only opinion I have.

 

This.

And Joniemack reminded me of some of my past and present tendencies.

As drama-fests go, you haven't got a chance, because you don't even get to play opposite your leading lady. Have YOU got a brother you can hand the phone to when she hands to her sister, or, if all else fails, a sock puppet?

"Mediation" is more than a third party telling you that you're the problem.

There may or may not be stuff you're doing that is, itself, problematic, but at the moment, it's as though you're not really there. That bit you wrote:

"Btw my gf did mention marriage plans with me, she even got it all mapped out."

I try to standing your shoes a while, and it's like all your good points and all your bad points, none of which I know, are Irrelevant, because you are faced with a self-sufficient system (her and her sister), and you might as well be a number. Your messages don't get a real chance to get through to her in a proper conversational space, and her messages are effectively non-existent .... you are having the 'relationship problem' discussion with her sister, and thus not getting to know or work through stuff with your gf at all.

In your position, I'd be feeling pain, frustration, and hope that MAYBE I might hit on some 'right thing to do'... with luck. etc. can't do right for doing wrong, and maybe even wrong for asking cuz I should have known in the first place. All kinds of stuff where I'm basically in a mood of and ???????. A seesaw of hope and hopelessness. I'd be in a spin.

Joniemack 's advice puts the next step firmly where it belongs .... on your gf's table.

Hmmmmmm .. OK, in my twenties, I would NOT have been able to take that advice, so I hope and I trust that YOU have got a better sense of self than I had back then. Actually, jiaqi21, I think you HAVE .... listen ... I'd have felt so 'wrong' ... my own sense of a ME trying to work my own way out of this problem would not have been developed well enough to Go To Someone Else to ask for help. Which is what you've done.

Actually, I wish I'd had a group of friends/advisors like this when I was younger. I so do. But this is your thread for what you're working through. So I'll continue MY nostalgia with my whisky and coke, and wish you strength and all the best.

Take care.

 

That is a little harsh. He described the situation pretty well and other people who have some experience were talking about what they would do.

The only advice I can give the OP is to listen to The Tom Leykis Show (6-9pm EST). The Tom Leykis Show | Live Weekdays at 6PM Eastern, 3PM Pacific!

 

Thanks for all your advices! It was really helpful and enlightening to go through them. Well.. and yes. I agree that we were both immature in this relationship. I was hoping that we could sort out our differences as we get to know each other better. I didn't do a good job communicating my boundaries to her, and that lead to her having certain expectations about me. We broke up once before because I tried to communicated to her about my insecurities. She claimed that her family was strict and she would be busy with her school projects so she couldn't meet up with me that often (almost up to three months back then). I was rather unhappy about this because I felt she was spending more time on her games and giving me excuses about how she couldn't meet up.. She told me that I was being impatient and started to get rather aggressive. We started to argue about our insecurities and I asked her if it will be better if we break up. She said: "thanks for ruining my first relationship and toying with my feelings. I am feeling a thousand and one things because of you... blah blah..." I decided to play by her terms back then (I couldn't stand the thought of losing her) I told her I wanted her back and apologized for what happened. She told me that she was upset and wanted to punish me. I had to play an online game and level for her almost every single day during my vacation for a week. She told me I would change from this punishment o.0. I thought to myself maybe this is a trial for me to win her heart back. So (I was really stupid) i push myself to deliver for her.... =.= Apparently, all that did was gave her the thrill and after which, she neglected the account I trained for her.

 

I believe cynthetiq hit on the "stick" perfectly.

 

I think it's a lost cause. Earlier on, she told me her mouse was spoilt and she was raging about it. So I suggested to purchase a new mouse for her and delivering it to her doorstep. She shouted at me saying that do you think it's possible? I could have purchased one myself at the shops nearby! Want me to wait for you??? =.=

 

She's a psychotic self-centered bipolar (it sounds) bitch. She's never going to change, and only going to treat you worse over time to see what you'll take. Like was said earlier in the thread: Don't stick your dick in crazy. Find someone that will actually respect and appreciate you.

 

Hi



I've read your last two posts. I'm satisfied to agree with you "Lost Cause"

I'm reckoning that deep down, you'd decided before posting, and that, having had enough of putting up with it, you are now ready to have a feeding frenzy of angst, anger, regret, sense of unfairness and rage.

So let's start you off:


And some more, just to be thorough and get it properly out of your system:



ALL those times you can shout about NOW for the last time, and learn from them as you enter your OWN future with a stronger, and WISER sense of



My serious message is that I believe your immediate next step is: Put that angst into the past as soon and as quickly as possible .... so's to get better, not bitter ... so's to KEEP the LEARNINGS, but let the old feelings go to make space for the new ones, which are waiting for you like magnets of possibility.

Take care.

 

She is downright scary when she is on her period. =.= Earlier on when she asked me "HOW?" when her mouse was broken. I kinda know she was going to blow her top. I hesitated for 30 second before suggesting that I will get her a new mouse. Intuitively, I knew she was going to shoot me down again. Should have just ignored her. I tried to be as understanding as I could, she was having a hangover from last night. I volunteered to get her a free mouse, delivered to her doorstep. And she have to scream at me... -.-

 

My guess is she's on her period all month long with enough intermittent moments of "sweet and affectionate" to keep you dangling on the hook.

I'm always amazed at how some people can attain pro-level manipulation skills at such a young age.

How long have you been putting up with this batshit broad, jiaqi21? Honestly, no one is worth castrating yourself for on a daily basis. Not unless you're like a torso and a head and dependent on her to survive.

Balls. You need to find yours and quickly.

 

Her temper issue just come and go. It wasn't all that bad initially. She was really sweet and affectionate at one point of time. At least that's what I thought.. I was naive for thinking I can tolerate her tantrum and bad behaviours. Apparently I was her first boyfriend, tons of guys tried asked her out but they couldn't understand her and didn't want to pursue the r/s. Once, she left the house for a 3 weeks because I treated her "like-air" by ignoring her when she was raging in a game. She even keep tabs on how many times I ignored her. She wanted to take a walk in the park to cool down but her dad forbid her. She then packed her stuff and left the house. I heard from her sis that her "rich" friend offer to buy a house for her to stay in for that 3 weeks. (maybe a chalet) Her story just keep on getting better.

 

My sympathies go out to her and her family. She obviously has some serious emotional problems.

Certainly nothing you can help her with. No kidding. You can't change her or fix her. You can't buy her anything, do anything for her, or say anything to her that is going to make a dent in what's ailing her. Not in the short or the long term.

I think I can guess what her next move is going to be. As soon as she sees signs of you backing off her, she is going to do whatever it is she always does to reel you back in. In your case, it will probably only take her not being a total bitch for 24 hours or so.

Your response to her should be to keep walking away. Run if you have to.

 

I was trying to post this earlier today, but the solution to your problems, is summed up by two words: "Dump her."

She's unappreciative, and obviously wrapped up in herself. Be happier in the long run. And you're only 21. Plenty more fun to go.