Oh, BTW, I have a GF/BF. When should this be disclosed?

It has happened.

 

But it wasn't an all-woman group, from what I'm getting. It was the men's AND women's rugby TEAMS. Maybe his girlfriend had to work in the morning. Maybe she doesn't like his rugby buddies. There are plenty of reasons why she might not have been there, and most of them aren't "I'm looking to cheat on her."

*shrug* I'm kind of a flirt, though. I'm not going to hide the fact that I have a boyfriend, but it's certainly not going to be the first thing I say when a guy says hi to me, either. If I had to pinpoint when I'd bring it up? Probably around the "we should go out sometime" part of the conversation. It would most likely come up sooner ('cause I like to brag about him, y'know?), but once dating or sex is brought up, bam...game over.

 

Totally a mixed group. And why aren't people allowed to go anywhere without their significant other without people thinking something is wrong?

What is there to brag about?

 

As usual, CinnamonGirl gets it right

 

What about the whole Lordeden thing though?

 

I said as usual, not as always

 

Sure... but didn't the guy kind of admit, something IS wrong. Perhaps.

We rarely go out at all to drink, hubby and I. I'd rather not be present, when he drinks too much and makes an ass of himself. I would be surprised, if he'd manage to do something with opposite sex out of boundaries, when going without me, but who knows... *just thinking out loud*

 

Geez, it seems that I need to wear a placard on my chest that states "No, I'm not hiting on you and yes, I'm married".

I enjoy intelligent conversation with both men and women. I'd mention that I was married at the first hint that the conversation was getting flirtatious; but I'll also admit to being totally oblivious, sometimes.

 

That print might make you an even more wanted target.

 

Hah! That is EXACTLY how my fiancée feels about going out to drink with me...

...

*cries*

 

Of course you are awesome!!

It's not really about a man *gasp* being out without his significant other, it's about his distribution of time and conversational content.

See, if he had spent fifteen minutes flirting with you, then excused himself and got a drink and started chatting with others, that's fine. That's normal.

If he spent two hours talking to you because you guys just really hit it off on a friendly level, that's fine.

When you take a two hour long conversation in a bar that shifts from friendly conversation to flirting to "oh, my pathetic existence, kiss it and make it better," then that's more. That's him acting with intent.

 

There's nothing wrong with any kind of conversation with the opposite sex as long as you don't take it too far. Having someone come out and tell you that right off the bat is pretty close to an insult at times.

It seems alot of people who also really are all about announcing it are quite a bit into putting a social ball and chain on the other... people should be freely allowed to have and make friends of the opposite sex if they choose to.

 

There are subtle, non-insulting ways to go about these things. Why would letting someone in a bar know that you are only available for friendship inhibit a person from making friends?

Let's flip it around and ask ZombieSquirrel, this...if you were the one in a relationship, would you have handled the situation in the same way? Would you have sat there until 2am talking exclusively and flirting with this guy without saying anything about being attached? Somehow, I think not.

You said at the end that you felt 'led on.' That wasn't necessarily an irrational feeling.

 

True! I usually just get annoyed by it when it's overly boyfriend this and boyfriend that.. or just clearly squeezed in there before it's needed.

I was once lead on for a few weeks by a girl who finally got around to mentioning her boyfriend of six years. wow was that a buzzkill! turned out she was fairly close to the end of the relationship but that still didn't play to my advantage... she didn't even have mention of him on facebook.

 

I think the guy should have found a way earlier in the evening to slip his relationship status into the conversation. He may have been trying to see how far he could push things without technically "cheating" on his wife. That would make him a bit of a jerk, in my estimation.

I am often out without QW, and every once in a while I start getting signals. I let it be known that I'm spoken for, even if I have to be blunt about it. Sometimes it kills the conversation, sometimes not.

 

2 hours was longer than my date this afternoon.

 

I'm not exactly the kind of person to ask how things would differ if the situation were flipped. I am very rarely in relationships....because, well...I'm selfish with my time. It has been my experience that being in a relationship hinders my progress of life goals and drags me d0wn as a "free spirit." I'm not saying that I wouldn't get into a relationship again as the stability sounds appealing, but I don't like actively seeking them out. I tried that online dating thing and it was annoying as hell. I did make a pretty good friend out of it, but that's all I'll really put any effort into.

I believe that the conversation would get pretty far before I realize that I need to speak of a significant other. It wouldn't be because I was hiding a SO...it would be because I just don't realize it. Sad, I know.

 

Hey ZombieSquirrel, wanna go out? I have a wife.

 

Maybe I'd rather go out with your wife.....

 

To answer the question in the thread title, as soon as it's relevant. The bar I've always used is "If my wife[SO] were listening to this conversation, would she be upset that this woman doesn't know I'm attached?" If the answer is yes, the perhaps it's time to bring it up somehow. Otherwise, it doesn't matter.

Debating the guy's intentions is just about useless. Probably he just enjoyed your company and didn't want to leave you without telling you or looking like he was trying to hide it and I wouldn't try to read much more into it than that.