Oh, BTW, I have a GF/BF. When should this be disclosed?

Many men enjoy a good conversation and hanging out with women, without any motive of putting anything inside of them. A good conversation is a good conversation. When do men (myself included) bring the Significant Other/Girlfriend/Partner up? When we feel that the conversation has moved to the point where we need to express a boundary. Is it any different when women do the exact same thing? I think not. I will fully admit that there are a lot of sketchy guys out there, but labeling all men as such is no different than labeling all women as the equivalent.

 

When in a relationship, I try really hard to not give my s.o. any reason to question my fidelity. it's about loving the person I'm with. Love is a verb, it requires action. This is part of me doing my best to be the best partner I can be.

 

Update.

I saw the dude last night and he apologized over and over for being a "dick" and not disclosing the bit about having a girlfriend sooner. He genuinely enjoyed talking to me and he hopes that we could continue to be friends. I think the fact that we talked for hours again leads me to believe we'll be just fine as friends.

Both of us had problems NOT flirting and we did acknowledge when we flirted. We would then apologize and changed the subject.

It is really sad that he has a girlfriend. We get along very well and he meets some criteria of what I would like in a man. He's TALL. He's HILARIOUS. He is working on his PhD in psychology and plays rugby. Too good to be true.

 

If this doesn't eventually evolve into an affair, I don't know what else it would be.

Not that you'd listen to reason when you're already really liking him, so you and him will accept the "risks" involved in being "good friends" and will spend many evenings together, talking and drinking, until that one fateful day.

Yay.

 

I know when I hang out with my female friends I like to get drunk and screw like a rabid badger.

Because I can't just enjoy another human being's company if they have compatible crotch parts.

Or not.

But I do think that Remixer is right: you've got too much chemistry with this dude (at least until after the first orgasm in a shitty motel room) to be friends without it entailing more sexual frustration than an episode of Moonlighting.

 

Luckily, I don't see this guy often enough to let feelings flourish and develop into an affair. I am worried about the chemistry, so distancing myself from him is the best thing I could do. He lives an hour away, so I doubt I'll be bumping into him. I'll think about him for a few days until I get distracted by someone else. (Getting ready to go to a meeting and taking the long way around so I can say hello to another PhD who sadly does NOT play rugby)

Meeting someone in a hotel room for a dirty, dirty affair does sound like a lot of fun. Also, I LOVE Moonlighting!!! My favorite episode was the Taming of the Shrew one.

 

Yes, I'm yet again necroposting. This thread has many interesting posts.

Early in the conversation. If you're in a solid relationship, not shopping around or considering it, mention your SO fairly quickly. Even if you think the conversation is harmless with the other person having no agenda. Some people proceed with great caution when trying to gauge another persons interest in them, and sometimes it's hard to tell that they're feeling you out (so to say).

 

I mention my Lady all the time. I also use "we" a lot. My status as a happily pair-bonded citizen is evident from the beginning. Being older, heavier and lacking any outward trappings of a successful career it's unlikely I would be flirted with by a seriously seeking woman. The question is a non-starter for me.

 

This ^ applies to my situation nearly perfectly.

OTOH over three decades of happy monogamy have lead me to slowly but surely ignore my sexdar. There must be many young, attractive, fit, & successful women who seriously want me .

 

Sexdar? Don't think I am equipped with one of those

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My opinion - as soon as it comes up. I figure that if the partner is important enough to the person that they'll mention it in the "getting to know you" phase of the friendship.

 

Don't tell anyone, but neither am I.