Older Men/Women (now NSFW)

Hi ZombieSquirrel. Hmm ... If that's your only challenge, then it maakes sense that that's the talk to have with him. I'd never make hard rules or algorithms around chronological age differences. The 'compatible life experiences' aspect makes sense. Eg, I'd cringe if my partner had a 'who's that' reaction if I say 'Jimi Hendrix'. But sounds like you've already got the head/heart compatibility worked out with this guy.
Comparative life-expectancy ... could that be another relevant factor ... you're looking at the you/him age difference. Also, the 'your/his child vis a vis his age' could be another factor to consider.
There's me to you, ZS, based on what you've said about him and your wants.

Ok ... to open my own heart .. well, though I don't and won't stick it on the front page of my profile, I'm 55. I reckon I'm 55 going on 45, but I've met 55's going on 75. Women I've actually gone out with have been within a few years of my age. But it's an accident of context, I reckon. For me, qualities are always have and will take precedence over numbers.

Fuck. Beverley. R I P. Just remembered her. oh damn. And Audrey. R I P. Yes. My answer to your question is a total "Numbers are totally low on my scale of priorities". In the trillions of years the universe has existed .... that special person was born 30 years sooner or later than me. To me, an insignificant criterion.

I, like you, ZS, would consider the children thing to be "the only challenge".

Best wishes

 

Is he interested in you? (probably a dumb question) and are we talking a sexual affair here or the prospect of a full blown relationship? If a full blown relationship were to develop, either one of you might soon discover that a 30 year age disparity does make a difference. I was married 20 years to a guy 10 yrs my junior and as much as I hated to admit it, even those 10 yrs made a difference. We are the sum of our life experiences. The best relationships are the ones where both partners are relatively on the same page in terms of life experiences. (Unless of course the older party is emotionally stunted) Not to say someone of 30 yrs can't bring a world of experience to a relationship but in the final analysis, the fact that his side of the CD rack is Simon and Garfunkel and yours is Coldplay (or whatever 30 somethings have been listening to for 15 years) will end up making a difference.

It's always the little things that getcha.

I'd say, f*ck his brains out and save a long term relationship for someone closer to your own age, especially if you want children.

 

I don't think he's aware at all..... I don't seem to be drawn to him sexually, so ummm....

Simon and Garfunkel are on my CD rack.....

I've buried my parents years ago and have spent more time in a hospital than many 50 year olds.....yeah...I've got life experience at 30. Most people my age and younger just don't understand.

I doubt I'll pursue anything. I'm just attracted to him.

 

I'm a 50 something and enjoy a bit of Coldplay. Goes to show how bad that example was.

I'm just now realizing how much there is to appreciate about older men now that I'm an older woman. Most of them seem less burdened by the desire for fame, fortune, success, and mindless monkey sex. A man who's wrestled with and come to terms with his demons can be very attractive indeed.

So enjoy the wonderful experience of being attracted to someone then. There's no age limit on that. Well, there is but only when it goes too far down in the wrong direction.

 

Ha, ha I just turned 59 and if I were single I'd sure want to date 30 year old women. Now whether they would want to date me, is another question.

Try it ZS. Who knows what it will be like until you try. There are no guarantees at any age.

 

If a person is vital enough to make you laugh and rock your world in bed, then it's never too old. That's just my opinion, though. Those two characteristics are very important to me. I measure age by the amount of trepidation that has infiltrated the mind. If you know what I mean. That type of aging is what makes a person 'old' to me.

And, Borla, I am 46. But apparently still not old enough to kick your ass at scrabble. bastard.

 

Wow, is that the truth!

 

well, it has been a while now since I've had the sex...

 

I agree mixedmedia, being with someone who can make you laugh and rock your world in bed are incredibly important and as long as the relationship is "about" that, all is good. And I blame women for this more than I do men but...when one partner decides to take the relationship beyond that, things get a bit more complicated even with couples close in age. Humor and great sex are often more an indicator of the health of a relationship than the driver of it. Or can be. I've known quite a few October/May romances that have worked out quite well and some that haven't. It's possible that age doesn't play a part in the success rate (no one's paying me to do research) but I do feel that because every lasting relationship requires so much of each partner it's often more difficult to maintain when "other" issues come into play.

I'm 57. I have no trepidation but I'm not in the least inclined to engage in relationship with a man 20 or more years my junior. I've moved on from raising children, from looking to conquer the world with my innovative thinking and climb a corporate ladder to success. It's got nothing to do with being or feeling old. It's just what happens - and when you finally realize how truly precious life is it somehow becomes very important to want to spend your time with a person who is where you are. Even if that person isn't the person you're still married to. When I was 30, I didn't know I would ever feel this way.

Of course, this is my own "older woman's" perspective. I fully understand that some men prefer younger women and some for reasons that probably have little to do with a desire for a soul mate or a true companion. And, like anything else, there are exceptions, but I can't, in my sensible heart, believe that any 50 or 60 yr old would be fully content being in a long term relationship with someone who is still in a place they've moved well beyond.

Of course, I'm capable of being full of sh!t.

When it gets right down to it, I think any experience is at least worth exploring and at best, worth having. It's all grist for the mill.

 

I speak only the truth. I can't help it if I'm feeling a little randy.
Besides, you are like 1500 miles away and MARRIED. I may be the devil, but I'm not an asshole.

 

My mother is married to a man 17 years younger than her and she has been for, going on, 25 years.

I remember when she first started dating him. I was sure it was just a fling. What could two people with that kind of age difference have in common? Apparently a lot. She just turned 70.

 

Anybody else read the thread title in Strongbad's voice a la Teen Girl Squad?

"Them olda boys."

 

I tend to date older. I'm 27 and I prefer men in their early 40s or late 30s.

I realize that there is a giant disparity in experiences, desires, and values. I realize that part of it is a sack full of daddy issues.

But I also know that my ability to relate to people in my own age group is limited. Much like ZombieSquirrel, I've been through a little too much to date the average male in his late 20s.

Of course, when you get the single male in his 40s, there's an increased likelihood of him being a father, a divorcee with a possibly crazy ex-wife, going through a divorce, or simply damaged enough to not be able to maintain a healthy relationship for along period of time. It's risky.

Also, there's the thought that what relatively sane man in his 40s would really want to date a girl in her 20s? Who actually wants a real relationship and not just a fucktoy to mold?

It's risky business.

 

The Other Side of the Older Men/Women Debate

Aren't we (Royal We) all beautiful and unique snowflakes? I think we (Royal We) like to make a bigger deal out of the age thing than is necessary. It's like the new interracial. The new anal. Or the new Catholic. It's the drunken homosexual experimentation phase in college that every girl went through. It's the mid life crisis of every middle class white man. That Safari Fad. Here's to you, Mrs. Robinson. It's very 2011... 40 is the new 19.

 

Plan, you know that "Royal We"s were used by royalty to refer to themselves as an individual leading a nation? It's more or less their version of "I, your leader".

I love when Japanese royalty uses it.

 

Yeah, I know.

It's a joke.