Relationship Concerns

Did you miss the cocaine part, Xazy?

 

Maybe he just likes the way cocaine smells. Sorry.

I do believe it's intervention time. Contact any and all family of his you can. Get your family involved. Call a professional. If you actually love him and want him to lead a healthy life with your or even without you... Do him one last favor and get him help...

 

RedSneaker, I understand what you're saying and what you want. I hope you realize that it may just not be possible.

You can't change him. Only he can do that. And he may not want to. It sounds like this is a long-term problem.

You don't want to tell your family because it would change their opinion about him? You'd rather lie to them about how happy you are together? Stop and think about that. It's called co-dependency. You're actively making excuses for him. Telling your family would ruin everything? How? Are they that judgemental? You won't talk to his mother about it because it's a betrayal - I assume you think she might have the power to do something. Either you let him sink farther into cocaine or you help him get out.
--- merged: Aug 15, 2011 at 10:52 AM ---

Xazy, you know I love you, but you need to read past the first post. There have been some ... revalations I think you missed.

 

Damn I totally missed that.

You need to do an intervention ASAP. Make him understand the cost of what he is doing and how it affects your relationship, how it affects his entire life.

 

He's doing something so bad that you can't tell your family about it. Are you possibly more worried that these people that you love and respect will sit your ass down hard on the topic? Or more worried about what they will think about you for being engaged to such a man and tolerating his behavior?

If it was weed, that's one thing. Coke? No. He's a loser. He might not have always been a loser, and he might not always be a loser, but when someone has a habit that impacts their life and health so badly, that risks their relationships with family and fiancee... that makes them a loser. They've lost. And there's nothing you can do to salvage that relationship unless he gets off his ass from his own internal motivation and does it himself.

You leave him.

And I've actually done this before, for a different situation, same outcome.

You tell him you're cleaning, organizing, shedding dead weight. Getting rid of stuff you always meant to get rid of.

And then you dump it. Some of it you Goodwill, some of it you toss in a storage unit or a friend's garage, and some of it you sell on Craigslist. If the utilities are in your name alone, you tell him you want him to put his name on the utilities for some made up reason. If they're in both your names, quietly call at work and remove yourself from the account for your move-out date. Call your landlord, tell them that you need to be taken off the lease without alerting your partner. Pull the abusive relationship card, say that if you're partner finds out you're afraid for your physical well-being but you still care for him so you don't want to call the cops. Or say that you're having to do a massive intervention that means you need to move out. Whatever. As long as your landlord doesn't alert him to the change.

Wait for a weekend where he goes out of town. Or even one day where he's gone for eight hours. Hell, send him somewhere with one of his guy friends, encourage a boys' night. Before this, schedule with friends and family to show up an hour after he leaves. All that should be left is your clothes, your furniture, and some surface boxes to cover up how much stuff is missing in the garage and closet. Make sure to rent a trailer so you can pick it up and move it all in one trip. Four to six people should be able to move everything into that trailer in 3-4 hours, max.

Leave a check for the last month's rent, know that you aren't going to get your security deposit back. Take a picture of that check on the counter or wherever you leave it, just in case. It's not worth much, but it's something to have that photo.

Spend the next few months (or however long you need) couch-surfing with friends while you save enough money for the security deposit and first month's rent on a new place. Find a new apartment, move in, start over.

It's a lot of work, but it's worth it.

Or, if you don't want to leave the property, send him on a guy's weekend out, move all of his stuff into a storage unit, pay for the first two months, leave the envelope with the storage unit key+letter taped to your door and crash somewhere else for a week while he rages.

Really, it's just a place you live. It's just furniture. Most everything you have can be replaced if you need it. You just have to be willing to make the sacrifice and emotionally disconnect from the material goods that you're surrounded with.

Anyhow, that's just the basic living crap. It doesn't address the emotional repercussions of the situation and how many lies you have to tell yourself to convince yourself that he can be saved when, in reality, you're just as worried about yourself and how his devotion to his drug habit means that you've just come in second place.

 

He's doing cocaine while living at your house??! You can get arrested!

Call off the engagement NOW.

Think about it. This is happening now when you should be at your happiest, most care-free time of your life -- a couple with no kids. You should be at the top of the world, enjoying every moment of it. But you're already suffering. What will happen when you have a baby on the way, you need help, and he's nowhere around? What happens if you get no sleep during the night dealing with a fussy newborn for weeks at a stretch and he gets violent because it disrupts his "habit"? There is all kinds of shit you will end up living through if you continue with the course you're at right now.

Even if he changes his ways for a little while, it's easy to relapse to his old habit once you're married. By then breaking up with him is a whole another ballgame. Your finances will take a hit and you could lose your home as well. When you get kids with him they will have to see and live through all that, an this is what makes it especially sad. When they grow up, they will end up making the same mistakes.

I'm not saying that people can't change. They can. I know some friends who have done some amazing things because of life's lessons they had to deal with. However, considering the moment in life you are at right now (I don't know if you plan on kids or not), it will not get any easier from this point on. Whatever demons he's trying to escape from on a regular basis, there are many more of them for him when you add the stress of a larger family to the mix. Now, having a family is a wonderful thing - there are many fantastic human beings out there who would love to build a loving, stable, and supportive family for themselves and their siblings, those who cherish the daily challenges of a busy family lifestyle and take it all in. Instead, he's already withdrawing from all that. I seriously doubt that he is the husband you want in your life.

A simple change right now will have huge repercussions later. Please choose your life's path wisely, early on. You only have one life to live.

 

Hi
Mr Bean's recent post is, IMO, an immediate clincher. When there's a bomb in the house, you've got to evacuate before getting the bomb-squad to defuse all the bits. You realize there is probably some cocaine no more then 20 feet from where you are sitting now? You are 'in possession of cocaine' in addition to 'knowingly letting it be used'. If there is above a certain amount, then you come under suspicion of being a dealer. Come to think of it, if challenged, you would be unable to provide proof that you, yourself, are not using it. At the moment, him out or you out has to happen. He has a key to the house, and you are not in a position to police what substances are allowed in. Him out or you out. I hope the fact that you and he will 'probably not get caught because you are discrete' will not diminish the urgency. IMO, the future possibility of him stopping is a separate issue from management of the immediate situation, since, by your own account, you have not enough experience in the matter, and therefore no way of knowing what he is or is not doing In Your Home.


For now, I'll assume you've had that talk with him. How did it go?
In your position, I would write a detailed transcript for yourself.
Then realize that it is right to share this with more people than us. A transcript is something you can go through to decide what specifically do do or do not with to share, and with whom.
A dear friend of mine ... an email pen pal ... is going through stuff, and she's said that something which makes her situation especially difficult is that she has 'virtually no on-the-ground-support'. We, here, are feet-on-the-ground. However, we're Virtual. "On-the-ground" for you, means it's time to begin to write a list of some of the people in Your neighborhood who can be the first ones you will tell. You've been handling this by yourself long enough.
I truly hope that your boyfriend has given you full satisfaction in his reply.


I truly hope he has.
Because, by yourself, you've already formed YOUR Rock Solid positions. However much you might feel pulled to be 'tolerant' or to 'not nag' or to 'Hope for the best while putting up with stuff' .... however mush that ..... your bottom lines are This:

Two of many major statements you have made here:
1 - "I want a family, and a good life and I don't think you can have those things with drugs interfering. "
2 - and you've indicated you are unfamiliar with cocaine and 'the signs' etc.

Even if he was not taking cocaine, his uncommunicative behaviours are not acceptable. and not conducive to the family and good life you want.
The fact that he IS taking cocaine puts him right where you know you put your foot down.

I'd say there ARE things to be discussed with him, and that reclamation/getting better is Logically possible. But first, get him or you out of that physical environment. Firstly to ensure ZERO likelihood of being implicated in crime. Secondly, there is no more powerful message, IMO, in a case like this, than Full Removal first THEN if you want, do the talky talky stuff. Talky talky stuff is CRUCIAL .... but it risks sounding only like 'talkytalkytalky', if someone's addicted. Your best arguments, are just words to be wiggled around, accompanied by sincere expressions of regret, and sincere promises to 'do better'. It doesn't mean the person is a bad person, but it DOES mean that he's got a 'chemical agenda' which is pulling his strings. And while you are present, in the house with him, he's getting his fix of You, though he might be having to put up an umbrella as you shower him with expressions of concern. Better a bad fix than no fix.

Heck, what am I saying? I don't even know the guy. I live for the idea that people can change, improve, 'get better', yet I am pushing the notion that it's likely that HE is not really listening to you and that you are talking to the Drug rather than to him. Whilst I ma going for worse case scenarios and damage limitation, I am ignoring his positive qualities for which you have been loving him in the first place. Engaged. You're engaged. that's about getting married and starting a family and stuff. There must be a lot of things about him good enough that you're going to find what you need to safely cut right through the bullshit. To let him really find out if he's going to be the the man who should be shoulder to shoulder with you in that future.

Take care

 

Thanks, Zen.

I did have a talk with him when he got home from work and it went better than I anticipated. Not to say that things are resolved, but perhaps moving on a better track. I took the approach to begin by telling him how much I love and care about him and how much I miss him when he is high. I also relayed the fact that this is not something I am comfortable with going on in my home and told him that any numbers he had stored in his phone I would like removed. He agreed. I know who he's getting it from and I know that he doesn't have this number memorized, so as long as it's deleted, which I will check tomorrow, he shouldn't be able to contact him. I think that will help, even if it's not a complete solution, it's something.

I also told him that his actions were negatively affecting our relationship and that I was concerned about marrying someone who may continue to put this before me or any children. I stressed how it is horrible for his health and I'd like to know that he will be around for a long time. And of course brought up the fact that it's illegal and would not want to see him in jail over something like this

I took the advice of someone who mentioned that this should be he best time of our lives as we're supposed to be embarking on this journey of life together and I feel very lonely. For once, he seemed receptive to what I was saying and said he had been feeling bad about the situation himself. I didn't give him an ultimatum, but I did tell him that if he could not clean himself up, I could not guarantee anything.

There are no drugs in the house, and I will be monitoring the finances closely. I always knew before when je was going to get it, so I know what to look for in terms of bank withdrawals.

One thing that bothers me and is a red flag, is that he said he could not promise he would never do it again. He said he didn't want to do it now, but he also said that there may come a day when he does. He did say that day may never come. It worries me, even though I appreciate his honesty. BecUse if he had said he would never do it again, that would seem suspect to me as well.

So, for now I am going to monitor things, encourage him to communicate with me and be present in this relationship and see what happens. If the weekend comes and he's back to his old tricks, we will have a come to Jesus meeting for sure.

I felt I owed it to him to tell him how I felt, ask for what I need, and give him a chance to choose to do those things. I don't know if any of you will agree that I've chosen the right path, but it is I who has to live with the decision.


I appreciate every single person's thoughts and concerns and have taken bits and pieces of ya'lls advice. I'm still hoping for a positive outcome.

 

Hi, RedSneaker

Thank you so much for that transcript. I mean ... thank you for going ahead and writing it and also for sharing it. It is a manifesto .. a record of statements expressed, agreements made, and long-term and short-term concerns and consequences considered.
It's Tuesday today, and your next check point is the week-end. So you've got your time-frames for this next phase sorted too.
He's also performing, at your request, a positive action - the deleting of the phone number ... prime evidence that he's not going 'contrary on yo ass'.

Red flag: OK ... I see how it is red flag both ways, but here and now, apart from the information, how did he look and sound as he was telling you about not promising for the future? I mean tones of voice, rhythms of speech, gestures, face coloration etc? This is the man you love encountering the core of his conflict, and intending to do the right thing so it's useful to have a strong memory of this moment, as well as the rest of the meeting. Also, something to put in your pocket: 'I can't promise that I'll never do it again' is different from 'i can't promise that I'll never WANT to do it again'. Some people feel they've failed if they just WANT to ... and then it does not 'matter if they DO' .... that might not be how he works, but it's useful to have that distinction ready just in case.

NOWwwww ... In addition to this, which I reckon is a great step forward which you can test with hard facts and action ...

Please work on the 'worst case scenario' elements. Plan's Bottom-Line Concern, and Poetry's Extraction-from-zone procedure are IMO essential safety gear. I'm not intending to be a 'downer' .... I know you are climbing for the Heights ... those things you most want in your life, a life which ideally includes him.

The best climber .. Needs the ropes and safety harness.
The best climber also Needs the choice to tie their rope to a safe place, so they can be even more supportive to the their team member who might well be swinging around all over the place.

Take care, and my fingers are crossed for how the rest of the week goes

 

I have money socked away in case I need to take action to have him removed from the home. And upon further thought, I DO have friends who would back me, no questions asked.

I got the impression that he was more saying that he couldn't promise he'd never want to do it again, and hopefully if that time arises, he can be strong.

We ended up having a nice evening together, working on getting some household projects done - well not completed, but started. So that is positive as well.

He hasn't mentioned coke since our conversation, and I'm not going to bring it up in conversation first again. If he's not thinking about it, I don't want to place it in his head, ya know?

It's only Tuesday, and we have a long road ahead of us. I hope we can get through this together. It will be interesting to see what the weekend holds, as that was his time of choice to use.

 

When you go up to the altar, you can not expect to alter him. He might decide to change for himself one day, but you should most certainly not bank on a person changing just because they have a ring and a piece of paper.
You cant even trust him to open a tin oc cat food! You and the cats most likely deserve better. At the very least, talk through the problem with him, if he says you are more important than the coke, let him give it up first, ifyou are not, then give him up. Of course it is understandable, from the perspective of your friends, that you would want their companionship and support at what is obviously a difficult time for you both - and if they know, they may help him too - if he is serious about quitting.

 

Nothing new to report. After I got finished with work today I crashed and slept for several hours. I think I'm emotionally drained. I did not cook dinner and let him fend for himself. Not any help around the house tonight, but I didn't ask for anything either.

I'm wondering if a "honey do" list would be a better way to approach things instead of pestering him to do this or that. I don't like having to ask over and over, so maybe a list would be more effective.

I know if he changes it's going to be for himself and not me. And I don't want him to change for me because it won't last. So how do I tell him something is a dealbreaker and it not be an ultimatum?

I mean he could say I needed to lose weight or he won't marry me. I haven't been taking the same care of myself lately and it shows. Yet he loves me still. Granted being overweight and having a drug problem are two very different things.

Still thinking and working things out in my mind. It's nice to have a place to do this freely.

 

Nothing much to report? Wow ...It's these periods between the high-octane action and stress which contain some of the most crucial ingredients., and you have hit some home runs!

For example, your examining the balance between 'pester' and 'honey-do' list is a A-list RedSneaker-do item! In the short term, I'd write that list, put a splash proof cover on it, stick it to a wall, not in a drawer, and take him to it, and through it lovingly and firmly. Pestering then need not be about 'do' an individual item on the list, but a generic 'Go to that list' or 'have you do the things on the list'. LOL ... I hear some quiet but deep throated growl in the darkness, so there is another view which I will share for the purpose of completeness. Formally stated is goes like this: "If the two of you sit together, and that list gets written as a result of your putting your heads together, then he will be More motivated, or at least feel more obliged to follow it, because he had a hand in its development. Subsequent pestering from you will be about an outcome and set of procedures which he had helped draw up in the first place."

It IS a dealbreaker, and a 100% consistent message from you to that effect WILL be an ultimatum. Think of it this way, you, in yourself, have already made that ultimatum. You will not have him at all unless the drugs stop.

"I will not marry you unless you stop, and it will be written in a pre-nuptial agreement that any drug behaviour will be instant grounds for divorce."
If 'it' does not last in him, then he will not last with you. That is the deal. You have already made it in yourself. I'm just providing some external wording. Psychobabblically, 'he needs to change for himself', and if he were writing here, instead of you, then if I got a whiff that he would 'make like he'd changed so's not to get dumped', or that he was ONLY holding back on the cocaine so you'd go to the altar and that after that he'd 'try but he'd make no promises, because he's human ... and honest ... yadda yadda ....

Then, RedSneaker, I'd ride his ass to hell and back. Actually, others would already be riding his ass before I'd finished typing.

HOWEVAR .... his quest for internal consistency is not your problem .. is not your burden. What you will or will not put up with and the measures you take to deliver the message and ensure that YOUR environment is protected ... bullet proof .. is all that matters here.

With a serious-faced and grim lol ... I hallucinate at the bottom of the honey-do list, the HONEY NEVER EVER DO OR YOU LOSE ME FOREVER list, which has a few items like 'Never Take Coke'.

Your last line says it all ... they are very different. Your issue is about imbibing nourishment and how much you should do. His issue is about imbibing poison and he should STOP IT.

Your perception of being overweight and what shall you do about is something else, and could deserve its own thread. I'm gently indicating total agreement with you and emphasizing How Dang Different these are. And on a cold practical note ... Yes, he could indeed make a weight-based marriage stipulation. You or he could make a 'must sing Chipmunk Song at least once per day' stipulation. All these are possible.

Really appreciating these updates ... this is your 'record', your inventory, and as these next few days and weeks develop, this is what will enable you to do some of your best thinking and us to do some of our best responding.

And ... oh maaaaaaaan. Emotionally Drained. Heck yeah. Heck yeah. Yesterday, you Made Tomorrow Happen ... and Today, you've been living the 'Day After' you've laid it all ont on the table to him. You're drawing lines in the sand, and setting up processes which are not just about him, and him and you, but which strengthen your position as a being on this planet whomever you're with and wherever you are for the rest of your life. Emotionally drained. Makes sense.

Let those batteries recharge.
Take care

 

I can't imagine this working out. It's not like it's weed, you know?

I really, really like Zen's pre-nup idea about the cocaine use. I'd say that is mandatory.

And he should be very, very aware that if he uses cocaine, either pre-marriage or during marriage, you will leave him, end of story. Not that I think that'll do you any good in convincing him that he needs to stop, but hopefully you'll feel less guilty when you end up having to leave him because you warned him.

 

Are you fucking kidding me? You're setting her up for failure. Stop coddling. Prenup for cocaine? Am I the only person here that sees a problem with that? Prenups are for fighting over Labradoodles 'n shit. You don't marry someone that uses hard drugs or has a history of using drugs without getting counseling. I hate to be the voice of reason here but 99% of the time, cocaine is the boss in the drug / user relationship. He might be clean for a week, but he'll go back. I reckon there isn't anything on this Earth that gives him more pleasure than that chemical substance. Science! has proven it many times over. Even if he can reform, it isn't her job to beat herself up waiting for him to get his shit straight. That's battered woman syndrome and, quite frankly, it's pathetic. What's the cutoff point, people? Is there one? I think not. I think people like getting shit on by their broken significant others.

Curbstomp this zombie and thank me in 2013.

/you don't stick your dick in crazy, you don't marry cokeheads and other pearls of wisdom

 

No ... not kidding you. Though, re-reading my posts, I say you've smoked out areas where I need to improve. OK.

You are batting for her safety. And in what I've quoted above, and in your other posts here, you are solid in recommending immediate extraction - presumably for eventual fresh start with someone who did not do this shit in the first place.
I came into this thread later on, but I, too, have a bottom-line choice as initially summed up by Poetry in her first post in this thread:

And amplified by her with a step-by-step personal-safety-conscious extraction procedure.

That's the 99% solution. Solid. Best option, lowest probability of damage.


RedSneaker has already been given the 'Get out ASAP' warnings, and does recognize this, but is, at present, choosing to go for the 1% possibility:

She has made explicit statement, witnessed by us of what she'll do if there is 'one more slip up'.


And I hear you ... I hope. You say:

You'd rather she does not put the chip on that color at all. Partly because the odds are she won't make the 'last one' the last one, and partly because even if she does, that could be the one where she gets damaged.

Feck .. what can I say?

You're right. As the numbers go, the cards are stacked against her.
And my buying into her 1%, it's coming across as supporting her in 'backing the dangerous losing-gamble'.

The fact that RedSneaker has known him as an individual most of her life, rather than a statistic does NOT change these crappy odds. But it has factored in her decision to give him this one last chance before moving him out of the house.
She knows dang well it is not the highest probabily 'win' situation, but to date, she's coming across as mentally and emotionally astute, and if she's insisting on this being one final chance, then I commit to supporting her implement it as well, and as safely as possible.

"As well as possible" means: He will get maximum explicit boundries put to him with full awareness of the seriousness of the situation, the importance of doing right, the consequences of failing, and the opportunity to demonstrate virtue. RedSneaker will gather maximum high quality-information with which to resolve conflicts and base her best next steps. Her physical safety will be, as it already is, paramount on our minds, because the likelihood is that he has more size and muscle with which to express his lack of balance than she has to express her insistence of it.




RedSneaker ... Hello ... I felt so uncomfortable referring to you in the third person for so long! Please re-read the above, and if anything I've said looks like I am 'gently arguing against' or trying to undercut Plan's words, then Please read All his posts again .... because he is saying all the stuff which goes on in my gut as I've been writing to you. I believe your obvious and immediate best move is to cut the knot, but, like the rest of us here, I stand firm beside you as you make your best moves according to Your way of deciding and adding up the situation.

May I recap and check the following with you:

Your position, your choice, is to put cards on the table to him, which you have done.

His response, his bottom line position is not satisfactory ... and I misquote 'he doesn't want to do it (cocaine), but can't promise that he won't in future. He's given just enough to give you hope whilst leaving you open to doubt. And you had a very painful conflict between having 'dealbreakers' and not wanting to give him an 'ultimatum'. Your sense of internal conflict has been real, and that whilst cutting the knot is the most direct way of resolving it, your next decisions must make sense to you?

Your practical response is to choose to continue to move forward WITHIN the relationship, in a mood of - if I read you correctly - extremely cautious optimism. The honey-do list sends a powerful message that you will definitely assert your position in many areas of the relationship, and from his responses, you will get solid proof as to his level of commitment to genuinely working WITH you as a partner?

Insistence on Pre-Nup is an additional way, as far as I am concerned, of asserting the zero-tolerance nature of your position, and a firm stance against his 'can't promise I won't in future'. I see it as a way of lobster-potting him into a 'place without wiggle-room'. I believe that will bring matters to a head, and I reckon you will see and hear from him another level of behaviour ... more solid evidence you need to begin to resolve your conflict, and you may know even more precisely what to do next.

It just occurs to me that retraction of engaged-status could leverage that effect: "You said you can't promise that you won't in future? Then I cannot, in good conscience, consider us to be engaged." If you are caring about him enough, and generous enough, and risk-taking enough to give him this one chance, you ought to present it to him in ways which are as consistent and impactful as possible, so that they must get through to him, so that he must be fully aware of the significance and cnsequences of his actions.

All these are not 'try them today', thoughts. Let's face it, you AND He are probably still settling into this week and recovering from the emotional exhaustion, but I suggest they are positions to ponder deeply that they become choices available at such safe time and place as they may be most appropriate for you.

Take care

 

...

I wish I was dating some of you girls. I swear, I could get away with murder.

*rimshot*

Alright, I'm done.

 

This has been said, but I'm saying it again. Cocaine is a fucked up drug. People who do cocaine usually fall in the "junkie" "fucktard" or "loser" category.

I've been around a lot of coke, but never did one little bump. One because of heart problems I have and two because that shit is bad news in a big way.

I've seen people go from normal functioning members of society to dead-beats trying to sell me their son's collection of comic books at 1am on a Friday night so they can score. Is he doing it more than once a week? He's addicted. I'll bet you all the money in my wallet, when he isn't doing it, he's thinking of ways to do it/score some more. It takes control of your mind and makes you think that you can't live without it. They call weed the "gateway" drug, but I think it's fucking cocaine. I've heard people say, "Coke isn't doing it for me anymore, I need something that gave me the feeling of that first bump of coke." Helllllllllooooooo, meth, crack, or pills.

I've seen the low end of coke, the selling of all personal property, the giving away of their once precious rose garden to some dealer so they get free drugs, pets dead from lack of food/care/water, broken relationships and physical abuse. I've walked into my house to my 4 roommates attacking a mound of coke like it was the pass of Thermopylae. You don't see it now, but you will.

You have money hidden away? You better hide anything that you don't want sold. It will get to that stage, you will start missing things and he will make excuses for the items or blame you.

You can try an intervention, but he has to want to change for it to work. If he just goes through the motions, he will be back lifting up the skirt of snow white.

I say, walk the fuck away. Then again, no one ever walks away when they need to. They always hang on to a bad lifestyle choice til they are laying on the floor with a broken nose while a coked up SO is standing over them yelling at the top of their lungs. You think they are not capable of doing this? Coke fucks with people, it changes them, makes them do things they never would have even considered before starting the nose candy.

Get out while you can. It's only going to get worse from here.

 

It sounds ridiculous to me as well.

However, if she's your standard issue female-- which most of us are, she's not going to leave him. She's going to hang on for dear life.

Why? Here are some exciting options!

One, because she loves him.
Two, because she'll feel guilty for not sticking by him during this "rough period" of his life.
Three, because if she "saves" him then she's a special snowflake (and we're all very, very special snowflakes, dontcha know).
Four, because she's invested however many years in this man and she doesn't want to feel like she's wasted her time.
Five, because she doesn't want to come second place to a drug in the rankings of his heart.
Six, because she wants to be validated (and have her relationship validated) by his chosing the drug over her.
Seven, because she wants not to be wrong about chosing this man for a mate.
Eight, because she feels like this man might be the only one she can ever catch.
Nine, because she's clinging to a memory of who he used to be.
Ten, because she's clinging to an ideal of how she perceives him.
Eleven, because she's worried about how having a coke-head as a partner reflects on her worth as a person.
Twelve, because she's worried abotu how having a coke-head as a partner reflects on her ability to make healthy and sane choices.
Thirteen, any number of psychological traumas that I have no real way of guessing off the limited amount of information in her posts.

All this for under $29.99 for the next twenty years of her life! ACT NOW!