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Tell me your deepest, darkest secret.

Discussion in 'Tilted Life and Sexuality' started by Xerxes, Oct 30, 2012.

  1. Chris Noyb

    Chris Noyb Get in, buckle up, hang on, & don't criticize. Donor

    Location:
    Large City, TX
    I've been telling my wife, for reasons some you know about, to take it easy on her pain meds. Hopefully after today they will not be needed as often.

    Ralphie, plus one for what Borla wrote.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  2. Borla

    Borla Moderator Staff Member Donor



    A couple weeks ago I posted in another space about being on a coroner's jury. For those that don't know, it's a jury that is called in in some counties to review the coroner's work in an effort to confirm cause of death.

    The first case was of a white male. I can't remember the exact age, but I want to say it was late 30s or early/mid 40s. He was obese, over 300lbs and under 6'. He lived with a roommate, but he worked a ton of hours, so they didn't see each other much. One day the roommate comes home, and the dude is laying on the couch. At first he thought he was asleep, but he realized he wasn't snoring, and the dude always snored. He tries to wake him up, but he was already stone dead. EMS gets there and rolls the guy off the couch. Under him was his opioids. He had an incredibly high level of morphine in his system, enough to kill most people. He was a known addict, thus he had built up a tolerance. The high level of morphine in his system, combined with his obesity, had caused him to die in his sleep.

    The sad part? We had to try to figure out whether it was accidental, or whether he'd tried to kill himself with it. And no matter what we thought, we all knew his family would continue to question it. It was a horrible thing.

    That was many years ago. With my wife's ties to the medical community, and due to the overall increase in opioid addiction/use in general, I know dozens of other stories just as heart breaking. A guy I know on another board lost an incredible career, wife, kids, and lifestyle over it. After years he's just now trying to piece things together. Except instead of being in a loving family, with both parents earning well into six-figures, he's lost everything and just barely trying to scrape by in life. All for the escape of some painkillers. I know another guy who almost lost his life and career in LE over it. It's a bad deal @ralphie250 . You are a good guy. I know you have your struggles, but this will only make them worse. Please get help man. We all like you and care about you. But not a fraction as much as your family does. Talk to your wife. Talk to your mom. Ask them to help you get help.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  3. ralphie250

    ralphie250 Fully Erect Donor

    Location:
    Jonesboro ga
    It's a problem that I've had for going on 3 or 4 years now and it just progressively gets worse and worse and worse my wife doesn't know I don't tell her nobody knows other than you because I have a job and the people or person that I get them from it all started just because I had kidney stones and I still get them now. I need to quit or get help. But I don't know that I want to and I know that's half the battle like smoking I don't want to quit and I can't stop doing something I don't want to do. I guess part of the problem would be if I got help then everyone would know and that's what I'm trying to avoid and have done it for a long time now
     
  4. Borla

    Borla Moderator Staff Member Donor

    Not everyone will know if you get help. But I promise you, everyone WILL know if you don't get help.

    You said you don't have any secrets from your mom. Maybe you should talk to her first.
     
    • Like Like x 3
  5. ralphie250

    ralphie250 Fully Erect Donor

    Location:
    Jonesboro ga
    You are correct I did say that but that is the only thing that I have kept from my mom this is my question if I get help how is my wife not going to know? It becomes the point of I don't want her to leave me nor do I want her to think less of me nor anyone to think less of me because I got addicted to pain medication. I know I'm a stubborn hardheaded ass LOL
     
  6. MeltedMetalGlob

    MeltedMetalGlob Resident Loser Donor

    Location:
    Who cares, really?
    @ralphie250, there's NO shame in getting help.

    Please consider it seriously.

    Nobody can look down on a guy when he ends up overcoming his problem.

    And remember: we are here for you, brother.
     
    • Like Like x 4
  7. redravin

    redravin Cynical Optimist Donor

    Location:
    North
    @ralphie250 I'm not going to lecture or tell you what to do.
    All I can say is I've seen that pictures of you and your daughter, the love between you two is clear and beautiful.

    I have two daughters and they have seen me at my very worst, low as any person could possibly be.
    All I could do was show them that it was possible that pull yourself up and get better, that even heroes fall but they will get back up no matter what.

    You showed pictures of your hands, the strength in them is amazing.
    They have taken a beating though despite that strength.
    I'm sure that boost makes it easier.

    My hands went to shit on me after twenty years of being a chef and I had to stop doing what I had done all my life.
    They still have all the scars, the times I sliced myself to the bone, the burns, the strength is still there.
    The surgery, the drugs, all the bullshit can't take that away.
    Nobody can take that away.

    As @MeltedMetalGlob said we are here for you.
    Just reach out.
     
    • Like Like x 4
  8. ralphie250

    ralphie250 Fully Erect Donor

    Location:
    Jonesboro ga
    Let's just say that it was very very hard to admit it
     
    • Like Like x 3
  9. Lindy

    Lindy Moderator Staff Member

    Location:
    Nebraska
    Sometimes admitting the problem, and that on your own you are powerless over your problem, is the hardest part. Try looking at an EAP -- Employee Assistance Program -- looks like there are several in the Atlanta area.

    They could be someone confidential to talk to. Also Narcotics Anonymous or AA probably have groups meeting in your area. Those groups were a big help to me, personally.
    My ex-husband, unfortunately, kept thinking he could beat it on his own, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

    Making this admission to us here probably took some of the load off your mind. Talking to someone face to face will help you move forward into recovery.
     
    • Like Like x 4
  10. Borla

    Borla Moderator Staff Member Donor



    There are a couple of times in my life I've needed help to get my act together due to one thing or another. I found that the people who cared about me actually gained respect and showed more love than I expected in helping me take care of what I needed to. Give them the opportunity to be there for you. If they won't, that's on them. You do it for you, and for your daughter.
     
    • Like Like x 3
  11. ralphie250

    ralphie250 Fully Erect Donor

    Location:
    Jonesboro ga
    @lindy yes making the admission here took a load off. a lot more than I thought that it would. as far as eap, onlky concern that I would have is loosing my job. it make great money for what I do. and they don't drug test or anything. na seems scary I know it sounds dumb mut when I think of it it seems like meth or something like that.

    @Borla you are correct. I guess one issue that I have is thatpeople that konow me know a different me, they don't know the real me if that makes any since.
     
  12. ralphie250

    ralphie250 Fully Erect Donor

    Location:
    Jonesboro ga
    I will put it this way what I do takes its toll on me I hurt all the time 90% of the time it's my back or my hands and that's how it kind of started between that and the kidney stones it did make things better but now I find myself taking more and more of them it started out as One A Day to a day now we're up to 4 days and that's only because it when I do 5 a day it's only on the weekends because I don't have to get up I don't really have to do anything that requires 110% Total Focus unless I'm going somewhere or we're doing something as a family. When I have kidney stones now I'll take them but I have to take twice as many and for the record it is Percocet or hydrocodone 10 milligram and I have purchased the twenties before. It can get expensive but I do not use our money in the bank I only use the money that I do some side jobs to purchase them and with everything going on in the world today sometimes it makes it hard to get butt I also am prescribed Klonopin for my anxiety disorder and from time to time I take that instead of a Percocet.
     
  13. Borla

    Borla Moderator Staff Member Donor


    My back issues are better than they used to be, but I've had some pretty bad chronic pain since about 2001-02. I've been off and on strong pain killers during that time, but thankfully never got to the point where they had to be for daily use for long stretches. You aren't alone in your struggles.

    I'll stop preaching at you, but I hope you find a way to get help sooner rather than later. Hang in there man.
     
  14. redux

    redux Very Tilted Donor

    Location:
    Foggy Bottom
    • Like Like x 2
  15. ralphie250

    ralphie250 Fully Erect Donor

    Location:
    Jonesboro ga
    youre not preaching Borla, youre good.
    redux I didn't know that those things existed to be honest.


    a lot of my issue is that I have an addictive personality. that don't help
     
  16. Chris Noyb

    Chris Noyb Get in, buckle up, hang on, & don't criticize. Donor

    Location:
    Large City, TX
    Ralphie, when I quit drinking I asked myself what was going to happen if I kept going like I was; the early onset of dementia was the answer.

    You might be able get help through a Pain Management Specialist.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  17. ralphie250

    ralphie250 Fully Erect Donor

    Location:
    Jonesboro ga
    for the record thanks you all for reaching out to me. it will be an ongoing battle and I know this. im just concerned about the outcome
     
    • Like Like x 1
  18. fflowley

    fflowley Don't just do something, stand there!

    Ralphie I was thinking about you today.
    If I was in your situation I would want to be able to tell my wife but I would feel much better about doing that if I could tell her that I made some mistakes, realize the problem, and here are the steps I'm already taking to deal with it. And then ask her to help, but make it clear that you will be following a path to recovery either way.
     
    • Like Like x 5
  19. Japchae

    Japchae Very Tilted Donor

    I feel you, Ralphie. You'll have to make the first step alone, and then people can fall in beside you. You're inspiring to disclose, though.

    Mine is that I've never felt this worthless or unsuccessful at my profession as I have since I didn't pass the fucking exam and now can't find a job. I know the reasons for it, but it's so disheartening.
     
    • Like Like x 3
  20. ralphie250

    ralphie250 Fully Erect Donor

    Location:
    Jonesboro ga
    Yes ma'am and the first step is a bitch