There's this girl see

I think you should make your move on all three of your coworkers and tell us the results.

 

i second this

 

Be careful. The moment you make a move at the place you both work, this can change on a dime. When you show *any* kind of affection toward her that makes her (or others around her or you) uncomfortable in any way, while at work, she can run to HR for sexual harassment and you will lose your job. It's as simple as that. Companies don't want to deal with these kinds of issues and the negative PR that follows that sort of thing. And I've seen it happen to a VP (a second in command) in a very similar situation to yours. Keep your workplace strictly professional. Don't respond to flirts at work - some women think it's ok to do that with signals all over the place. Some get the satisfaction of seeing the men squirm and blush around them, some just like to test you to see how far they get. They don't get in trouble, but you will.

Now, are you single? If so, whatever you do *after hours* it's really up to you. Ask her out, politely. Keep your hands off her and just talk and see what's going on. If she balks it's just a flirt, nothing more. But, who knows, you may just find a lifelong partner. Anything can happen.

 

I've seen (younger) women flirting with (older) men who were their managers, just to get what they wanted. Rather it be a raise, promotion, or something as simple as an extra serving of the staff meal. Women (and men) flirt to gauge what flirting will get them. People want more stuff and they will do everything in their power to get that stuff. Flirting is one of those "skill-sets" that people use to get their way. Usually, it's women because let's face it, it fucking works. Men are simple creatures that can only power one head at a time. I've seen it happen to tons of managers at restaurants where there is always a fresh supply of girls who don't really want to work that sunday morning shift. I've seen a handful of managers fired because of it. The one time I've seen it work, the girl quit her job to be with him.

In this bad job market, some 20 year old pussy ain't worth a pink slip (see what I did there, yeah you liked it). Make good money? Go to some seedy club and throw some cash around, some slut will be willing to blow you in the bathroom for her bar tab.

 

Was going to say this verbatim, so I'll just quote it instead.

 

there have been some posts that I have regreted, but dayum.

First i get accused of being a horny teanager then a perverted old man

I am old enough and intelligent enough enough and been around enough to know when a flirt is casual or has deeper meaning behind it. I've known women who wanted me and I have known women wanted me to want them while being indifferent toward me or even not liking me at all, I'm not ting about a young girl who likes to shake her ass in front of an old man so she can be reasured that she's sexy. What I am talking aboout is something that has been going on for long enough that everyone at work knows but it's not something that has been 'voiced' in an obvious manner between us.
I haven't because of all the reasons you have all mentioned here. She hasn't (i suspect) because of the few relationships she's been in has been with her as the less dominant ands less apprecitated partner.

When I say she's younger I mean she approaches 28 and I will be 49 in a few days. I'm not talking about a 20 yer old but a full grown woman
who is none the less about 20 years my junior. And it is that 20 year difference that causes me to hesitate

I recognize the adjustments one or both of us MIGHT have to make at work to make something like this work, hell even to try it and keep both our jobs.

BTW this is not new, a year and a half ago after say 6 months of meeting her as her birthday approached she told me she would turn 30. I determined then ask her out ( in amanner that would not jepordize job or reputation for either of us). It goes without saying that I was dissapointed to find that while I was excited that our difference was less than that 20 year barrier, that difference had grown to 21 years.

No I hadn't made up my mind, but your put downs have encouraged me to not ask anything real here. I genuinley know how to get what I want I just wanted to get some input from some people I though would offer it. I have made up my mind now though to just let nature take it course and respond to stuff as it happens. And as best I can just watch this thread die.

 

issmmm,

You can take the comments as personal insults or you can realize that they'd be doled out to whoever came down the pike with the same story. I don't think anybody is attacking you personally. If I asked the crowd if it would be cool for me to date a college freshman (similar age range difference), everybody would say the same thing. They'd question the motives of both people because it's human nature in its prime in most of those cases: People using each other more so than couples of a similar age. Anna Nicole Smith, anybody? We've got a lot of examples of these things going bad.

If you'd dropped the details you posted in #26 in the opening post you wouldn't have had as many issues with the response. As an example, yesterday we had a post where another user did the same thing: pretty vague problem with their significant other, what-should-I-do? kinda thing. Most people would assume it has to do with money or sex or maybe the bong they didn't leave back at Berkley. Turns it out was much worse. If you hold back details and circumstances, it makes it hard for people to draw conclusions. As with any writing venture, you have to paint a picture for someone that has never seen you or this person, doesn't have a clue about you or your lifestyle or experiences. Please don't assume TFP is a bunch of troll-holes here to judge and torment you with lame one-liners. I mean, we've only got one of those types here and he's on the staff... eh, whatever.

I do hope you continue to read and post here and I apologize for any misunderstanding.

 

Plan9 I'm not planning on bolting becuase a few people coulnd't give me (or that other poster) the benifit of the doubt, but I did find the 'attacks' unwarrented.
I also posted in the thread you mentioned and if you go back you'll see that before the OP fessed up my post read like there was more than met the eye. I didn't jump to conclusions and oddly didn't expect if from others here my bad, but not to worry, I put on my Big Boy pants every day, I can take it

In that other thread I went to post again but couldn't find the words I thought the OP needed to hear (some encouraging others slapping with reality) so I deleted and wait to hear an update

to sum up
TFPers
dayum, ask a question or two before you jump

 

This has little do with giving someone the benefit of the doubt and everything to do with putting your cards on the table when you post an I Want Advice thread. If you're only going to tell half the story, you're not going to get the kind of response you want. Stupid example: "I just fucked my best friend's woman..." is totally different when you end it with "...now that they're divorced." I don't get the games people play here on the largely anonymous Interwebz. Are people really embarrassed to talk about their largely trivial problems with complete strangers from all over the planet?

Just lay it all out.

 

issmmm - what attacks are you talking about? A different opinion or take on a situation is an attack? You posted looking for advice. You got exactly that. Now you don't like the advice you've heard so it's all attacks.

Listen, I take accusations of personal attacks very seriously here. I'll usually search for variations of the phrase a few times a week in case there's something the staff has missed. And no one has called you any names or acused you of anything. They've simply said that they think you're making the wrong decision - and you invited that opinion. Now maybe this little post is just going to be the last straw for you - I hope not - but if you're going to invite opinions on something, then you shouldn't expect an echo chamber of agreement here. If that's what you're after, you probably need to find a forum designated for middle-aged retail managers who like to bang their subordinates. I'm sure such a thing exists - Rule #34.

Oh, and my professional advice as a guy who does risk management day in and day out is that she should not be in your chain of command the first time she sees your penis. Because if she decides later that you're an asshole, you and your company are screwed six ways to Sunday.

 

I'm not looking for anyone to agree with me or disagree for that matter, I asked for you guys opinion and that's what i got, some said go for it other said don't because you risk too much, the most insighful was Borla who suggested that maybe I was 'safe' for her, that was something I had only cosidered passingly until then it made a difference and affected my decision and I said so
But

reactionary much?
my use of the word attack was in quotes and in response to anothers posters use of it. I don't think I accused anyone of any attack

 

​

It seems pretty clear to me that you felt/feel like you're being picked on. Now you're calling me reactionary because I tried to address your concerns. I explained why you raised a red flag with me. I tried to address your concerns. In other words I tried to provide good customer service to someone who was disgruntled. Sorry if trying to be proactive and helpful was a burden on you. I'll go back to being a jackass now.

 

This is true. I received a well earned warning in 4.0!

 

I didn't feel picked on
it was just a comment

but I didn't really present any concerns, I thought/asssumed that if i had concerns that i needed addressed by the bosses here that i would do that outside of a very public thread
I was not digruntled

somebody plese tell me what i am doing wrong

granted in this and at least one other thread everything didn't come out in the very begining. But I thought I offered a better picture of what i was trying to say in later post. And yet I am still being challenged on stuff where i have said no that's not what I meant.
what I gotta do

 

I'm hesistant to post this since I feel like it's just going to antagonize you, but I'm trying to help, so here goes:

I've tried to explain to you why I'm addressing this issue. I take accusations of personal attacks very seriously. I understand that you're not saying that any such attacks have been made. But you've also made several comments here and elsewhere that you think you're being misunderstood.

Now, from my point of view, I don't know if you're the type that's going to take problems behind the scenes or make an issue in public. That's why I try to make a habit of looking for problems, because sometimes the ones in public get missed since the staff doesn't read every single word in every single post in every single thread. We're volunteers, and that's beyond our capabilities. I found your last post when I did such a search. It seemed like it needed to be addressed, so here we are. As far as I'm concerned, you've made it clear that we're on the same page. I'm glad for that.

As far as what you're doing wrong: well, "wrong" is a bad choice of words. And that's kind of what it boils down to. I'll bet that you're very good at communicating your thoughts in person. But we don't have body language or tone of voice (and I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge my mother's mantra of "90% of all communication is tone of voice".) here; we only have the written words in front of us. If you have a particular tone of voice in mind when you write something, my guess is that a lot of folks aren't picking up on it. In this thread, you're laying out facts like they were pennies from your last dollar then getting irritated when someone misses one of them in a later post. In your other thread, I still think that you don't realize the message you've given. I almost think that you need to start over by laying out your thoughts there as clearly as you can because you've left a lot open for interpretation, and that interpretation is hurting you since it's the attitutude that's coloring most folks' guesses on what you mean.

Hopefully you've found this helpful.

 

It has been helpful and I'm glad that we begin to understand each other
and I am not one to beat a dead horse...but
I thought in each thread (and honestly as i write this I would have to double check to see which one I'm in because both have devolved to one conversation)
in each thread i thought I have said at several point that no, that's not what i mean, I meant that, but some including you UNTIL NOW have held onto an earlier interpitation and in spite of me trying to clear things up insist on telling me what i really mean

here's to an early meeting of the minds
maybe Cynthetic has a point

maybe I am not an effective communicator

cheers

 

I certainly wouldnt follow the gift idea of mr Justin Timberlake. (Although they may have a day for it in Australia - Jazz will know)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhwbxEfy7fg

Ismm - if she values your friendship, and you hers, then step carefully because that could be what you are wagering.

 

Why am I going to know? I'm not Australian. Maybe you mean Lish. Anyway, here's the embedded video.

 

Whoops, sorry about that Jazz, I must have gotten confused and just expected you to know because you come across as so sensible. I briefly thought for some reason it was yourself that knew all about budgie smugglers - which you may do also. Thanks for making Justin more accessable. Would you think its a bit of an OTT gift?

 

A couple of years ago, my husband had to investigate a sexual harassment case between a male sergeant and a female private who worked for him. She flirted with many army guys, even sending naked pics of herself. This sergeant figured it was harmless play and flirted back (but sent no pics of himself). When he made her actually do her job instead of sit on her ass, she retaliated by filing a sexual harassment claim. It took alot of work interviewing people and sifting through crap to get to the bottom of the mess. He did get in trouble for acting inappropriately, but he did not go to jail. He was lucky it was my husband investigating and not someone less persistant.

Just be careful at work ... all this sergeant did was flirt back.