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Those cheating / swinger / promiscuous websites

Discussion in 'Tilted Life and Sexuality' started by ejkwt, Aug 7, 2011.

  1. ejkwt

    ejkwt Vertical

    So my friend mentioned to me this website called Ashley Madison, which supposedly has many married women/men who are actively searching for a fling (while married!).

    I was blown away by the.. audacity.. of a site geared for (mostly) cheaters. What's going on here? Is this technology enabling the inner-cheater-within to live their fantasies? Would these people have cheated sometime, anyways, had the internet/technology not been around? Or do you think this actively degrades society by pushing new people into doing such things?

    I'm curious about people's opinions. To me, cheating in marriage is of course bad, but to others this may not be the case. I've heard hearsay that in certain cultures (i.e., Japan), its commonplace that for a husband and wife, both cheat and both are implicitly aware of the other one doing so.

    How would you feel if your spouse even signed up for such a site? (Let alone.. cheating?)
     
  2. Is it free? Our local NHS pays for -
    'Are you a straight married man, wanting to have sex with men..... then come alomg'. Seems its at a community center, and there is tea (no beer), free condoms and lots of married men up for a bit of buggery or what have you. Me, I think the money would be better spent on a few cataract ops a year or the odd hip replacement. There are bars and public places where 'straight married men' can 'satisfy their curiosity' with other men.
    As for your website - if they are already looking on the website they are considering it. I have known people with 'open relationships' - sometimes just one partner is aware it is an 'open relationship' - I think thats looking for trouble myself. eg Charles, Diana and the Parker Bowles creature. Sometimes open works - not my cup of tea. Some countries it is more acceptable to have a mistress or to be one. Even Nick the greek, ....... or so I heard........
     
  3. Cayvmann

    Cayvmann Very Tilted

    Cheating is up to the agreement between partners. That being said, I would definitely not be happy with my spouse doing this, and think it is wrong for me, anyway. I know people who are freer than me, in these respects, and it seems to work for them.
     
  4. Spiritsoar

    Spiritsoar Slightly Tilted

    Location:
    New York
    I'm not surprised, but I'm not surprised by much on the internet anymore. This would happen without this site, on other dating sites. This would happen without the internet, it just takes longer. If you're going to cheat, you're going to find a way. If anything, I would think this would be a bad idea, because it gets it easier to get caught.

    On the other hand, I don't think it counts as cheating if your significant other knows about it. My ex-wife and I used to be in an open marriage, and I considered myself completely faithful to her, because I never hid anything. She felt the same way.
     
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  5. Devoid

    Devoid New Member

    I think cheating is more about breaking trust than sexing somebody else besides your partner. As long as an agreement is in place, I don't consider it cheating. The second somebody lies or looks for relationship-type experiences outside their relationship is when it becomes cheating.

    That being said, sites like Ashley Madison are pretty awful, but there is a demand for them.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  6. Poetry

    Poetry Totally Sharky, Complete

    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA
    Yeah, they have radio ads out here. Whenever they come on, I change the channel. I know there's a "need" for such a service, but it still disgusts me. I suppose I'm too naive about my relationships, but I do feel that if you're thinking of cheating in a closed relationship, there is a problem that needs to be addressed or the relationship simply needs to be dissolved.
     
  7. They all seem to be clones of Adult Friend Finder, but just put into niches so you don't have to wade through so much. Even though, I wouldn't doubt that the same people are on all these sites looking for the same thing. Problem with cheating isn't so much the sex. Its the breaking of trust and possible bringing home unwanted guest like herpes.
     
  8. I wonder how successful sites like Ashley Madison really is. I'm sure it is successful for the website owner but how many hook ups actually occur? I can imagine scores of middle aged married men signing up and not so many women. I doubt if anyone really knows how many liasons happen. Considering the target audience, it's not like anyone would admit to it, anyway.
     
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  9. When inclinations meet opportunity..... These sites just make some who wouldn't leave home to look for some action take the leap. Slipping out for an hour or two on an "errand" is easier than going out on the prowl or developing an outside relationship.

    What I wonder is, how does the easy availability of a fling alter behavior? If one can go get laid whenever his wife isn't cooperative, why should he work so hard at his marriage?
     
  10. kramus

    kramus what I might see

    Meh. These sites are the result of someone willing to put time and energy into an idea. The idea that people are willing to pay for titillation is a fruitful vein to prospect, and Ashley Madison is a successful example of this. The people on these sites are the people who are willing to flirt with intent. A statistically significant segment of the population I believe.

    I'm more amazed at the audacity of real criminals sharing real criminal stuff over the net. But then I've always been surprised by the audacity of the criminal mind. I guess they (criminals and marital cheats) are just different flowerings of the same branch though. They share a willingness to what they want in spite of what the theoretical societal norm deems correct, and what they themselves know will be frowned upon to a certain degree if outed.
     
  11. ejkwt

    ejkwt Vertical

    Isn't marriage supposed to be the time when you can get laid anytime anywhere (except when someone's tired) .. ? Its like that when you are bf/gf; I'd imagine its the same for marriage except people get tired of each other or when they are in an long argument.

    / the above assumes the guy is the one wearing the pants in the relationship
    // hasn't been married
    /// not even close
     
  12. kramus

    kramus what I might see

    I think the power of momentum, the hold of sincerely spoken vows and the actual place of sex in a long term relationship all come into play. Consider being monogamous and faithful for a period of years, and having entered into that state through a formalized process (ie got married). There is a greater tendency to hang in there and leave your fantasies to bubble on the back burner. The weight of years and honest intent often keeps people from allowing their willies (or cootchies) to lead them out into the great unknown of extra-marital relationships.

    It is true that if the perception of marriage is one of is sexual access which preempts any feelings or alternative desires of the other partner, there may be a greater chance that the hornier party will slip out for a quick no-strings encounter. I wonder if that is the situation within the marriage, then why was there either a marriage in the first place or why has that marriage continued to such a point? Really, that is why there is a courtship phase with sex and such before you get hitched. If your marriage has transformed into such a stratified and uncommunicative desert then I think you really owe it to each other to forget working on it and gracefully let each other go. Please people, don't let something as important as your love get to such a point.

    Sorry to say, marriage isn't purely a free pass to monkey sex whenever and wherever you choose. Real life precludes such a non-stop coupling. Passion can be a powerful element in a LTR, and if you look up Robert Sternberg's Triangle Theory of Love http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangular_theory_of_love he explains how it is a critical part of the whole. But Sternberg also explains the other 2 other elements - Intimacy and Commitment - which have an equally strong place in a healthy and committed relationship.

    That said, I can tell you something from my experiences of both a committed relationship where sex was often doled out on a random basis determined by some arcane voodoo system I never mastered, and my current LTR which has sex on tap (so much so that I am turning it down - what capacity I started with had has been diminished during my half-century plus). The on-tap relationship leaves zero room or desire for dreams of dalliance.
     
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  13. ralphie250

    ralphie250 Fully Erect Donor

    Location:
    At work..
    to me im not a cheater. but some people are for that. i took my vows serioulsy and i do my best to live by them. some people are in relationships that everyone in the relationship is ok with it.
    to each his own.
    eventually you will get caught if youre in a monogomous relationship
     
  14. cellophanedeity

    cellophanedeity New Member

    I can understand the appeal of these sites. If you're in a loving marriage, but your sexual needs aren't being met, it may be helpful to have a website in which everyone knows what they're getting into. It's not as if most mainstream dating sites have the option for "In a semi-open relationship and looking for sex and companionship" standard, so it may be more comfortable for these people there.

    If sex outside of the marriage can save or aid the relationship, and/or everyone knows what's going on, then it's not so bad. That said, I've never been married, and I've been in open relationships for years.
     
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  15. lionrock

    lionrock Getting Tilted

    Location:
    Out here
    I have been watching a friend's divorce unfold in real time on FB. After hearing the story behind the story, I am not surprised at anything anymore.
     
  16. amonkie

    amonkie Very Tilted

    Location:
    Windy City
    Its the human nature to be fascinated by things that are foreign to us. I would be curious to see the actual ratio between those who joined the site and those who act on in any sort of interaction. Is this any different in our current context than going out to the beach on a hot day and ogling whatever is out there? Its an ogling of a more subtle sort, and part of the attraction lies in the details provided and the sense of secrecy behind it all.
     
  17. If eyeballing a pretty girl constitutes infidelity, then I'm a serial cheater.

    Meeting a random somebody, you face a decision point. If you logon to Ashley Madison, you've made a decision. Taking a peek ain't no sin. Attempting to take a taste, though...
     
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  18. ejkwt

    ejkwt Vertical

    I haven't been married before but it seems like you are talking about passionless, meaningless sex in a marriage? Sex in relationships, for me, has always started out exciting and great, but then it gets kind of old and you get used to the other person. That doesn't mean I don't have enjoy the other's company; in fact as I come to like them more and more it usually is more about living and spending time with the other person doing regular activities, than it is about sex -- that is, for me, the sex gets old but I still enjoy being with them.

    Seems contrary to my experience. The more sex you have the quicker you get used to each other, and it just gets kinda tiring. Then its like sex once a week is enough. Maybe I just have less drive. Lol.
    --- merged: Aug 14, 2011 at 3:45 PM ---
    This is what disgusts me about fb.. that such things can happen. Yes its a free world yada yada but that's just SAD to hear.
    --- merged: Aug 14, 2011 at 3:48 PM ---
    So what's the difference between taking a peek on Ashley Madison and going to the beach / lounge and ogling it up? Both can lead to precipitous outcomes. And both have some sort of latent "curios" intent to just "see".

    I'm sure if Ashley Madison allowed a "peek" mode, where you don't have to sign up to see, then there'd be alot of curios peekers -- why does that necessarily incriminate them? Just as you can check out a chick at a bar, how does that incriminate you? Just cause you went to a bar that had women who could possibly be interested in you?
     
  19. It's about intent, ejkwt. I think maybe my double negative caused confusion.

    Every relationship is unique. Ideally, the boundaries are clearly defined, but can be subject to change without notice. Your results may vary.
     
  20. Chris Noyb

    Chris Noyb Get in, buckle up, hang on, & be quiet.

    Location:
    Large City, TX
    This old thread is interesting to me for several reasons.

    One being the Ashley Madison site got busted for false profiles.

    Google
     
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