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What's an adult problem that nobody prepared you for?

Discussion in 'Tilted Life and Sexuality' started by cynthetiq, Feb 9, 2018.

  1. cynthetiq

    cynthetiq Administrator Staff Member Donor

    New York City

    View: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/7wdrmr/whats_an_adult_problem_that_nobody_prepared_you/

    Having to make adult decisions daily that affect the future simply and profoundly. There are so many choices and if you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.

    I mean you can decide to not go to the market and get groceries. But if you don't and feel really lazy, you got nothing in the cupboard when you wake up and want to eat breakfast. So a little planning makes life easier. A little longer term planning such as planning for big vacations or events takes a little more effort and time but no one tells you this as a kid. You figured your friend was just lucky that his parents took him to Disney World for 7 days and they did EVERYTHING at the resort from staying on property to getting all the cool souvenirs.
  2. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member Donor

    To give "them" the benefit of the doubt...they told me...but I didn't absorb it.
    To give me (and others) the benefit of the doubt, you really don't realize it until you live it...again and again and again...every day, every week, every month, every year
    Whenever it's due again...or it has to be done again.
    Because the buck stops here.
    • Taxes
    • Utilities
    • Rent/Mortgage (man that's a big fuckin' chunk every month)
    • Insurance (not paying for it so much as dealing with all the inane rules and paperwork)
    • Health (it all changes when you have to figure it all out yourself and deal with the docs yourself)
    • Credit
    Consequences...again, the buck stops here. No one takes care of it, no one else funds it, no one else repairs it, etc and so on... (sure, you get a "bit" of it as a kid...but not until your fully on your own do you get it)
    If you break it...you bought it. (including YOURSELF)

    That's just the tip of the iceberg.

    BUT...what's nice about being an adult ONCE you get over that climb/hill and get a bit comfortable (a long hike for many)
    You get to enjoy what you want, how you want. (except for compromises with the SO, that is)
    And you get to express yourself...your way.

    However, there is a price to pay for that play.
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  3. redravin

    redravin Cynical Optimist Donor

    Getting well.

    Taking care of yourself is a lot more complicated when you are an adult.
    Judging when it is time to stop and just be sick.
    When you should go to the doctor.
    For guys especially, who want to macho through stuff (even worse when they are young).

    The whole, wondering if you can afford it part is probably lost on folks in civilized countries but for those of us in the US it is an issue.
    We never really got taught the cost benefit analysis on all this stuff.

    Many parents had their own hangups about illness that they pass along (unhealthy ones sometimes).
    So often we just don't come prepared.
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  4. cynthetiq

    cynthetiq Administrator Staff Member Donor

    New York City
    OMG the incidentals!!! All the extras on top of what you purchased just to take care of what you purchased. I mean as a young adult at home you just had to do oil, tires, maybe a tune up a few times. But then you buy a performance vehicle... which you've always wanted. The extra cost for the more expensive gas, the more expensive oil change, the more expensive tune-up.
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  5. RedSneaker

    RedSneaker Very Tilted Donor

    Relationships with men. My father was pretty much just uninterested in doing more than required. My Mom modeled unhealthy, codependent behavior and as a result I still have trouble in relationships. I still do not understand men and their behaviors. And I feel ridiculous saying so, but it’s true.

    I was blessed to have been taught about finances, credit, money management and that stuff.
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  6. Lindy

    Lindy Moderator Staff Member

    My mom didn't model that kind of behavior. But somehow I managed to get into a couple of those relationships right out of high school. Then I married a practicing alcoholic. I married him and then it took me almost four years to get out. I actually got out sooner, but kept going back. Codependent, huh? I probably owe my sanity (if not my life) to Al-Anon.
    I've always done well with money management. I started investing while still in high school, and I've done very well. I have zero debt.
    One adult problem I have is a psychotic fear of airplanes and flying. It effects my life and relationships. I make light about it most of the time, but the time has come to actually do something about it.
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  7. RedSneaker

    RedSneaker Very Tilted Donor

    Al-Anon has been my saving grace. I know I owe my sanity to the people in those rooms.
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  8. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member Donor

    In a way, I wish I had a support group or professional like this.

    This is an adult problem I never considered
    I thought they had all the answers or I would have them when becoming adult.

    What do you do with the crap in your head and heart??
    How do you deal when it’s just yourself for much of the time in life?
    The anxiety, the pain, the...nothingness
    I never could justify going to someplace organized
    I didn’t have “bad” stuff happen to me
    Just poor relationships and situations.

    On the male side, I didn’t have anyone to teach me how to be male or deal with females in relationships.
    Mom just said put them on a pedestal, love and respect
    Nothing about the negatives
    Females cause as much pain as males.
    And I’ve heard the same from my gay/bi friends about their own trials.

    And often it wasn’t even about someone
    It was just my own issues and weaknesses.

    Somehow, some way, I had to battle and deal with the bullshit
    Often losing, no group to turn to, my friends I didn’t want to burden, or share, or they didn’t want to hear.
    Pros I couldn’t afford.
    Drugs weren’t a solution (scripted or underground)
    Plus they had their own price and penalties.

    I still deal with this as an adult.
    I help other adults talk it out.
    But at first, I thought it was all “just me”.

    And adults, often hide the fog & chaos from you.
    Partially from protecting, part from pride/shame.
    It still doesn’t teach you or make you aware.

    Nothing prepared me for this as an adult.

    And I don’t feel like I can go to a group or pro now.
    I just give myself a variety of releases or expressions.

    I guess the TFP has long been one of them.
    (But there’s only so fast and so much you can type...)
    • Like Like x 3
  9. cynthetiq

    cynthetiq Administrator Staff Member Donor

    New York City
    A community is where you find one. It can be the rooms. It can be LiveJournal. It can be TFP. It's where ever you can speak and get feedback that is meaningful.

    For some, this is going to see a therapist.
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  10. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member Donor

    I’m good now...I was just saying that no one prepares you for it.
    Mostly just many phrasings of “deal with it”.

    They didn’t have a lot of the things available now
    Back when I started “adulting”
    It was just get through it one way or another.

    Actually, I’m finding I’m helping others
    Who’re going through it later in life.
    Inadvertently blaming it on age.
    It’s not age...just an accumulation of BS in the head.
    Which they likely ignored or denied as they pressed on and built more & more.
    They need to figure out how to process it and manage it.
    It’s like a tar bubble which pops in the head
    Then messes with your brain and emotions.
    I help convince them they’re not crazy or going unstable.
    Talk them through it.

    That’s what everyone needs...
    awareness meetings for adults
    Coping meetings for adults

    Some have religion, some drink, some exercise, etc and so on
    Good habits, bad habits, realization, release and repair.

    Right now, many just have pop psychology in media.
    We don’t do mental and emotional health well.

    We as adults, need to not say...”it’s just in your head, deal with it”
    It’s real...and some implode...and some explode...or both.

    I wonder what would happen if we did have a more formal/accepted place for everyone/anyone to talk it out...no shame, no pride, no stigma.
    No matter what age or situation you were in.

    Whatever, I’m good...for now. ;) :)
    • Like Like x 1
  11. Freetofly

    Freetofly Diving deep into the abyss Donor

    There is only one good thing my Mom taught me when us (7) kids were growing up...how to handle money.

    My first marriage put so much pressure on me, he spent, spent, spent!!! Once I left it the debt was split between us.
    It took me a year to become debt free and I’m still debt free, but that also comes with a price, but it can be done.
    Learning to happy without having everything does take conditioning, but it is doable if you really want it.

    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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  12. Stan

    Stan Resident Dumbass Donor

    Managing stress.

    I'm an engineer by education, I solve problems for a living, and I'm pretty good at it, but:

    My wife's issues combined with my daughters' issues with the usual work and personal issues thrown in gets to be a bit much. I really need to turn down the internal dialogue in my head most days.
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  13. Dealing with young(ish) adult step children who seem to make the same bone-headed mistakes over and over.

    Dealing with a spouse who has a chronic semi-debilitating disease.

    Being responsible for other peoples paychecks.
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  14. Freetofly

    Freetofly Diving deep into the abyss Donor

    I recently called my father and step-mom and thanked them for everything they did for us kids and that I realized how much they sacrificed to keep the family going.
    They are now in their late 80's.

    Your step children sound like my youngest daughter. Just keep given guidance and it's up to them to make the correct choices for themselves.
    Don't take it on board to be your problem.

    Welcome to TFP! :)
    • Like Like x 2
  15. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member Donor

    While my mother who's nurse, prepped me to deal with my body.
    And many people have a hard time with this...medically and sexually.

    She couldn't prep me with what it means to be a male...or the issues that come with it.
    And I didn't have any males around to confide in or coach me.

    I had to figure this out all by my self.
    The myths, the expectations, the double standards, etc...
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  16. Herculite

    Herculite Very Tilted

    Long term body maintenance.

    Proper diet, meal habits, exercise etc. It doesn't help that if you do a quick google 85% on the subject is going to be bullshit.

    Made me into a fat ugly dude in my early 30's, wasted years. I fixed it myself but I look back and wish I had a mentor early on to say "dude, why are you eating that?!"
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  17. cynthetiq

    cynthetiq Administrator Staff Member Donor

    New York City
    Because it looks really good on Instagram!!!
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  18. itwasme

    itwasme But you'll never prove it.

    under your bed...
    Teenage girls and all that goes with them.
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  19. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member Donor

    I’m still fighting that...
    Because what you learn earlier doesn’t make as much a difference later.
    Your metabolism goes down...and down...and down
    Makes it harder to take off

    And old injuries come back to haunt
    Or wear and tear on the joints adds up
    Making exercise more...paced and careful

    Everything has consequences
    Anything wears down
    Even if you’re in exceptional shape

    Adjust, tweak, adjust, tweak...repeat

    Your bounce back doesn’t bounce automatically anymore
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  20. cynthetiq

    cynthetiq Administrator Staff Member Donor

    New York City
    To be happy instead of always needing to be right.
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