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Why do you think it’s so hard for people to say they’re sorry?

Discussion in 'Tilted Life and Sexuality' started by cynthetiq, Oct 28, 2011.

  1. cynthetiq

    cynthetiq Administrator Staff Member Donor

    New York City
    Why do you think it’s so hard for people to say they’re sorry? Do you have a hard time apologizing when you've made a mistake/wronged someone? Why?

    I used to have a really hard time apologizing to people. Not that I would hold any grudges, I mean I'm the one that fucked up and was just trying to wiggle my way out of the situation without apologizing. I used to deflect all that I could and project the issue somewhere else.

    In my early adult life, I have learned to accept responsibility for my mistakes and apologize for them and correct them. I must say it sucks to eat humble pie. It really does. I believe it makes me a better person for doing so, the sooner I do it.

    I believe that others don't want to do apologize because they can't see that they actually did something wrong. Many people tend to believe that they didn't do something wrong because they just can't believe that they make mistakes.
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  2. I have no problem with saying I'm sorry. Have been married over 30 years, I suppose that has something to do with it.
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  3. It's a maturity thing. It's an ego thing. It's a false pride thing.

    I think the same thing that makes apologizing difficult for some makes folks refuse to concede points in debate. They are right, you are wrong.

    Then there are folks who fear rejection. They hide from their mistakes. Acknowledgement of flaws terrifies.

    I believe most people possess these traits to some extent at some time in their lives. Some never overcome them.
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  4. Willravel

    Willravel Getting Tilted

    There's no harm in apologizing, in fact it can be a very nice moment of closure for something you and another or others are no longer interested in being concerned about. If it's your fault, it's a healthy way to admit fault and express remorse. If it's not your fault, it can be you choosing to check your ego for the sake of a more important peace. Apologies are the bomb.
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  5. lionrock

    lionrock Getting Tilted

    Out here
    It is asking for grace which may not be given, or worse, given temporarily and brought back up at an inopportune time.
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  6. streak_56

    streak_56 I'm doing something, going somewhere...

    C eh N eh D eh....
    Ego, maturity, admission of fault within ones self.... take your pick... I find saying sorry too much annoying... I had a friend that did that, only because she felt she insulted everyone with every word she said... not so much.
  7. Plan9

    Plan9 Firmware Donor

    This Island Earth
    I've found that it isn't nearly as hard to say you're sorry as to mean it.

    Which is probably a whole 'nother thread.
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  8. DavidNorris

    DavidNorris New Member

    Pacific Northwest
    I frequently recognize that I was wrong and apologize right away. I'm not sure if that helps though, because it seems like I'm just apologizing to get out of the mess that I got into. I also think that maybe because of my ease at issuing apologies that I may not think things through as well, because I can always apologize for it.
  9. I often have those 'whoops, another faux pas' moments. If its my error, of course its merely courtesy and manners to appologise. However, there are those who rather than appologise, will wriggle and squirm and shift guilt as though their life depended on it. My ex used to love to try and make any woman guilty of his drunken incompetency (a man might try and hit him I guess.) He had one lady removed from her job and was promoted to above her old post after he blamed her for what he had done. Any appology from him would be worthless and a waste of good oxygen.
    Cyn, rather than thinking of it as a step down perhaps to appologise, maybe you could remember that excuse me, pardon me, sorry was that your foot - its all under the heading of being well mannered and courteous, being a shining example of genteel behaviour and impeccable manners - not beyond you now is it.
  10. Mick

    Mick Vertical

    I've come to be very accepting of my faults and fuck up over the last couple of years. I have no problem saying I'm sorry if I know I was in the wrong.

    Trouble is, sometimes we just don't believe we were wrong, sometimes we just don't want to see if from someone elses side. Sometimes, we don't have to. Other times, we really do.

    Generally though, I try not to put myself in a position where I anything to be sorry for. Doesn't always pan out that way of course.
  11. Charlatan

    Charlatan sous les pavés, la plage Donor

    I have no issue with apologizing when I am wrong. I do have a problem apologizing when I know I'm not wrong but have to be the bigger person so things can move on.
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  12. Doris

    Doris Getting Tilted

    Like the guys above say, the issue may be brought back up again or apologies are not honest.

    The problem for me is to get to the bottom of things. It's not easy to apologize, if I'm not told, what I did or said wrong. My habit is not to offend people on purpose, yet I have to admit the juiciest jokes often "require" picking on the other's personality. Of course, sometimes the person, who would want the apology, has difficult to explain, why they are hurt for real.

    Then again, some people with big egos take offense for smallest reasons, they seem to be demanding apology or apologetic behaviour for their egos sakes. I may have bit of authority issues there.
  13. I'm sure that the OP wants to explore beyond the social niceties of "sorry I jostled your elbow" or "pardon my flatulence," although I know quite a few people who can't even concede those.

    The tough apologies are the ones that require some form of restitution or behavioral modification to prove their sincerity. Sleeping with you spouse's cousin or losing the house payment gambling online require more than "sorry, my bad." Of course, if you are prone to such behavior, your first and most sincere apology has to be to the person looking back at you in the mirror.
  14. MJ Foghat

    MJ Foghat New Member

    Actions speak louder than words. Instead of saying you're sorry, do something to fix your fuck up. Of course, some things are so bad that it's next to impossible to fix. I think the Japanese committed suicide because major mistakes can only be excused by killing yourself.
  15. I think many people don't want to accept the personal responsibility required in order to apologize. Whatever happened, it's not their fault because of x, y, and z, so why apologize? I also think that pride and stubbornness have a lot to do with it.

    I've been actively working on accepting personal responsibility and I can realize when something was my fault and accept it. But the pride involved in saying I'm sorry is harder and something I still struggle with.
  16. Ego. It's pure ego. Saying that you're sorry and admitting that you're wrong can be viewed as a sign of weakness.

    That and people are just assholes.
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  17. Arc101

    Arc101 New Member

    Depends on the situation, if I make a mistake I own up to it and apologise. However I work for a charity providing homes the the homeless, low income etc. Sometimes when a mistake is made, then the people we help see this as a opportunity to put a complaint in just in the hope of getting some compensation. This make things more difficult, you want to admit fault and you are doing this job to help people but sometimes it is just not worth admitting you are sorry or at fault.
  18. Eddie Getting Tilted

    An apology is an admission of weakness. If you did something wrong that means your weren't strong enough to do the right thing.
  19. cynthetiq

    cynthetiq Administrator Staff Member Donor

    New York City
    what does strength have to do with offending someone out of ignorance and cultural difference?
  20. And on the flip side, I know people who apologize for everything regardless if they had anything to do with it. To me that's just as annoying. Makes me question when they actually do apologize for something they were responsible for just how sincere that apology is.