Why do you think it’s so hard for people to say they’re sorry?

Never.

Also, i think i've heard something similar about that whole "women like face" thing

 

Do you think you are qualified to make that declaration?

 

as my local he-man woman hater's club founder, president, and chief of staff... i'd like to think i have an inkling of credibility on the issue

 

Yes, you got dumped and for the moment at least hate women - the rest - no. No credibility whatsoever. Have you read what MEN on here have written? As I said, sorry you will never understand. Maybe when you grow up a bit more........ but it doesnt bother you, so no big deal is it.

 

chinese crested

You seem a bit touchy when it comes to EventHorizon.

Are you on your period?

 

Worse than that Remixer - I have seen lots of proper real men crying. Some of them have medals, some dont. They all have heart and are strong enough and man enough to know that crying doesnt shrivel your testicles. I would be remiss not to defend them when something slightly bigger than a child infers that men such as these are some form of Nancy boys.
One occassion. HMS Sheffield - remember her? First anniversary re-union - at one point - remembering those who are no longer with us - the air was so thick with grief you felt you could cut it. Lots of tears I can tell you. It is not cowardly to cry, far from it.

 

jeez and here i was trying to crack a joke or two

 

At eleven o'clock on the eleventh day of the eleventh month there are always gentle men with tears in their eyes, hauling themselves up as straight as they can, trying to turn the clock back to when they were young and able. They grieve for their friends, for their lost comrades - remember those who were gratefull that they loaned them their arms to die in and their ears to listen to their last words, to save their last messages. Nothing cissy about that.

 

Why do I reckon it’s so hard for people to say they’re sorry?


Because they've prioritized their own 'rightness' or 'not wrong' ness over the consequences of their actions, and their self-image is more important than their relationships: they have a two-dimensional connectedness with the world they live in. Similarly 'manliness' over that multi-dimensional connection with the universe which includes tears. At a more general level, it is that they have prioritized 'self' over other. Until they develop flexibility in this area, they will sincerely argue their position, and, since it is all they have for now, will do so articulately and with conviction.

In my life, developing and refining skills of empathy has been one of my key challenges. I've always found it easy to apologise and sympathise, and whilst I've never been one of those who 'doesn't really mean it', I had to work and train hard to feel enough of the pain of others to build and cross bridges, rather than to extrude well meaning gestures across the divide, no matter how well expressed.

Empathy is a prime tool for gathering information on what one is actually apologising for, and the quality of one's empathy can have a massive effect on the other's process of 'moving on'. The importance of an apology including commitment and demonstration of behavioural change connects with my position that 'walk' is as much a part of empathy as the 'talk', and Cyn, I will address that in detail in my response to your 'What you say - how you say it' thread.

Best wishes.
--- merged: Nov 3, 2011 12:31 PM ---
Why do I reckon it’s so hard for people to say they’re sorry?


Because they've prioritized their own 'rightness' or 'not wrong' ness over the consequences of their actions, and their self-image is more important than their relationships: they have a two-dimensional connectedness with the world they live in. Similarly 'manliness' over that multi-dimensional connection with the universe which includes tears. At a more general level, it is that they have prioritized 'self' over other. Until they develop flexibility in this area, they will sincerely argue their position, and, since it is all they have for now, will do so articulately and with conviction.

In my life, developing and refining skills of empathy has been one of my key challenges. I've always found it easy to apologise and sympathise, and whilst I've never been one of those who 'doesn't really mean it', I had to work and train hard to feel enough of the pain of others to build and cross bridges, rather than to extrude well meaning gestures across the divide, no matter how well expressed.

Empathy is a prime tool for gathering information on what one is actually apologising for, and the quality of one's empathy can have a massive effect on the other's process of 'moving on'. The importance of an apology including commitment and demonstration of behavioural change connects with my position that 'walk' is as much a part of empathy as the 'talk', and Cyn, I will address that in detail in my response to your 'What you say - how you say it' thread.

Best wishes.

 

Being strong enough to admit the ignorance in feeling different is harder than feeling the same: hurt/bewildered/not up-to-the-task. When "I'm sorry" = "I'm not sorry," the problem has become communication, which remains two-way. The listener shares responsibility for necessary apologies.

 

Great statement. Holding self-image over the well-being of the relationship shows a lack of ability to become vulnerable. Because apologizing makes us vulnerable, it exposes our weaknesses, the very weaknesses that caused the wrong-doing.

True. To offer a sincere apology is to admit that there is something in your character or "self" that needs improvement. An apology is a pretty intense thing.

 

In many cases, because people do not like to admit that they were wrong in their actions, I think.

 

What did you do wrong?

 

Snowy, whatever the mistake, it cant be as bad as what Cartman did to Scott Tennerman can it?.

 

Isn't it so that, when you apologize for real, you also recognize something has to change?

Changing your behaviour, when it's part of your personality, but has hurt the other, may be the difficult part.

 

Something I've learned in life is that if you come off as weak, people will walk all over you. But if you defend yourself and display confidence, people with think twice before they challenge or accuse you. Maybe next time, rather than caving in to your boss, you can stand your ground and explain yourself. He/she might just end up having more respect for you.

 

Yeah, Eddie, standing up to your boss when you've made mistakes is a GREAT idea. Come work for me. See how that works for you.

 

The mistake she made is far less important than how people, especially her boss, view her. People prey on the weak, they take advantage of the weak, they abuse the weak. So if you portray yourself as weak, you will be in for a long, miserable ride. Which is why I suggest standing up for yourself, not backing down at the first sign of conflict. Just because snowy is the employee doesn't mean she has no right to speak up for herself.