Woman walking the streets of NYC w/hidden video. Constant sexual harassment?

First, watch this video:






The video claims she was verbally harassed 100+ times in 10 hours. It shows clips throughout the day of various examples. Most of the incidence involve a guy making a passing comment like "hey beautiful" or "Nice!" or "What's up girl?". In most scenarios I'd label that as immature, usually unwelcome, but not said in a threatening way.

Several times the comments were a bit more sexual in nature. A couple times the body language of the guys also made them appear creepy or threatening. One guy walked right next to her for over five minutes. I'd have to imagine that would be a bit frightening and very uncomfortable for most women.

However, a few of the comments seemed to me to be fairly innocent. The one guy out in the street in purple at the 1:12 mark or so looks like he's just trying to get attention on the street, maybe hawking for his business. Another comment was "How you doing? Good?" by a guy with a little table set up, like he was trying to get attention for panhandling or a game/scam he was running. Some of those comments make me wonder whether the unedited version of this video shows more of that behavior (general greetings, people who are just trying to get anyone's attention, etc.) or if there really is THAT much boorish and harassing behavior going on in general in public space and I'm just missing it.


My wife will occasionally mention someone making a comment to her when she's at the store, or at work, but it is usually either someone just trying to start a conversation, trying to see if she is attached, or something like that. Very rarely is it something that made her feel creeped out or uncomfortable, and I feel her threshold would be reasonably low for that too.

So I guess I'll throw this out there to our TFP ladies (mostly, guys feel free to chime in your perspective or your SO's if they have been subjected to such behavior or if you've done such things and now see it in a different light).

Do you get harassed randomly in public?

Where do you draw the line between being friendly and being harassed?

What makes you feel threatened?

How do you react/respond?

What can guys do to stay on the "safe" side of this when trying to show interest? (Is it never okay to show interest in public?)

Any specific experiences you'd like to share?

If you have a SO, what is their reaction?

Do you think this video portrays things accurately?

 

Do you get harassed randomly in public?​

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Yes. It happens frequently enough that I realized earlier this year that I was kind of tuning it out and ignoring it. I've started paying more attention to it. You'd be surprised where it happens--standing in line at the grocery store, looking at books in the library, walking past people at Costco, waiting for public transportation. I get comments like the ones in the video ALL THE TIME. "Someone who looks like you should smile!"​

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Where do you draw the line between being friendly and being harassed?​

If someone says something that makes me uncomfortable, that generally makes me feel harassed.​

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What makes you feel threatened?​

Proximity.​

How do you react/respond?​

Usually, I just ignore it, though sometimes I manage a snappy comeback.​

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What can guys do to stay on the "safe" side of this when trying to show interest? (Is it never okay to show interest in public?)​

Interest can be shown AFTER a decent, human conversation.​

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Any specific experiences you'd like to share?​

I was walking to catch the train into the city this summer, and this guy approaches me, all smiley, falls into step beside me, and says, "Girl, you must catch this train a lot. I see you around here all the time." That was maybe the third time I'd been there over the course of several weeks, so I had my doubts, and said I didn't think so with a shake of my head. He tried to insist that he'd seen me before, and I said that I get that a lot (why is this a line, btw), and it definitely wasn't me. I gave him a smile and walked away to the other end of the platform near some other people, and he left me alone. I've had similar situations go the complete opposite direction, so I was a little surprised when the guy just dropped it and let me be. That was nice.​

If you have a SO, what is their reaction?​

My husband is often surprised by it. I've been hit on while he was standing right next to me a couple of times--it always seems to happen in a crowded bar, so I guess the guy assumes I'm by myself?​

Do you think this video portrays things accurately?​

YES. Sadly, yes. Even walking in suburbia this summer, I'd get dudes hanging out of their cars and trucks whistling, honking, and yelling comments. Sometimes it's just a "Hey, girl, what's up?" My favorite one this summer was, "Damn, girl, your ASS is FINE," from some guy that looked to be about twenty in a construction pickup.​

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What this video doesn't show is how often men check women out to the point of it being uncomfortable. I catch creepers checking out my boobs constantly. Yeah, I know they're there, and I know they're big, but seriously. A casual glance, fine. Staring? Unacceptable.​

 

I found this video disturbing. I get odd comments when I walk around or ride my bike, but I admit I'm a white woman who lives in a predominantly black working-class community. That's going to attract unwanted attention. The worst experience, though, was a series of comments made toward me and then toward both my husband and I while we were walking out of a movie theater. Tt had rushed off to use the restroom while I enjoyed the credits and we met up outside the theater. Following me out was a group of youngish boys (15-17 years old?) Who were following a little too closely and obviously commenting about my fair skin (how they wanted to taste it and other offensive nonsense) without trying to talk to me. When I met up with my husband and held his hand, the boys started directing their comments directly at my husband, harassing him about me. He held my hand tighter and we just kept walking. It was a very uncomfortable situation, which has kept us from returning to that theater during peak hours.

I have to add that what I really like about this video is the fact that the men making the comments seem to come from, every race, and every socioeconomic class. It's not just Latinos/Blacks/Italians/insert-stereotype-here

 

Yeah, I'm pretty disappointed to hear the personal experiences. The area I live in used to be just a small, conservative farming community until about 10-12 years ago when suburban sprawl reached it. It is still pretty small town-ish and, though I travel a frequent amount, I don't see this behavior very often. If I saw my wife, sister, or a friend subjected to it I think it'd set me off, and I'm a pretty laid back dude.

Sometimes you can't help but notice an attractive woman. But I try hard not to ogle, and couldn't imagine making comments like those in the video.

I guess I'm saddened if this is closer to reality than I thought.

 

I guess she should get married soon!

Where are you writing this from, the 19th century?

 

Oh, I figured.

But more realistically, such comments are common in all sincerity, and its tone is certainly "21st century online."

I guess I was joking too. Irony isn't dead, I don't think.

But in all honesty, I am biologically old enough to be a grandfather. (And perhaps I would have been one at my age if I were living in the 19th century.)

 

I wonder if all these guys do this because they actually got results at one time or another??

I know most only do what works.
If it didn't work, they'd try something else.
So someone has to be reacting in a positive manner to their comments and tactics.

Not that it helps the others who don't want it.

 

Some of them are doing it because they are bullies or because their buddies laugh. It 'works' because the end result those guys are aiming for isn't necessarily to have a civil conversation or romantic encounter with the woman.

 

Do you get harassed randomly in public?​

Yes. It happened a lot more in Boston than here in Lincoln. But worse in New York than Boston. Maybe just the result of a lot more people crammed into a small area. But the other day I was standing in line at a food truck here in Lincoln, two guys sitting on a bench were talking "Sweet little butt." "Definitely nice." They were ostensibly just talking to each other, but of course more than loud enough for me to hear. Guys talking loudly to each other, about me, is maybe worse than them trying to talk to me. I've been ogled publicly at malls, bars, swimming pools, the library, (lots of weirdoes at the library with nothing to do but hang out) and even at church. It was kind of flatteringly hot when I was a teenager, and allure and sex were new things, and I'll admit to some provocative dressing, but at this point it gets tiresome.​

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Where do you draw the line between being friendly and being harassed?​

If a guy won't accept just being ignored, I feel harassed. Or a comment about my body or looks. I get the same "You should smile." comments. So, like, why aren't you looking at my face? ​

What makes you feel threatened?​

Proximity. And drunks. And groups of pushy black guys who think they're God's gift to women everywhere.​

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How do you react/respond?​

I've found it best just to ignore it, or turn the other way. Walk from the mall or the street into a store. I've had snappy cut backs turn into a pissing contest.​

What can guys do to stay on the "safe" side of this when trying to show interest? (Is it never okay to show interest in public?)​

Start out with something friendly and innocuous, like the weather. Or the band. Or the movie. Don't just walk up, call me beautiful, and stare at my tits. ​

This spring at a small appliance repair store I dropped off a food processor, and had a nice friendly chat with the sixty-ish proprietor about my new home town. He said I looked familiar. At the end he asked "Do you still dance?" I was taken aback, shocked and surprised. I'd only danced in lincoln a couple of times in 2002, but he remembered me, remembered my stage name, and wondered what became of me. He'd quit drinking (and going to the titty-bars) and had been clean and sober for over ten years. I didn't feel harassed, because we had, a few minutes earlier, established some commonalities and a relationship of sorts. And he was a grey-haired old guy like my dad. ​

He said I looked as good as ever, (yeah, right) which was a nice compliment, true or not. I guess the point is he didn't start out the conversation by asking if I was a stripper.​

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If you have a SO, what is their reaction?​

Sig is surprised that guys are so forward about it. Like @snowy says, even when he is right there next to me in a crowded bar. Guys sometimes even apologize, saying that they didn't realize that I was with someone. Sig considers it flattering to him in a way, to be with a woman that others find desirable. He says girls will always get hit on in bars, it goes with the territory, but you never see that kind of harassment on the streets in Sweden.​

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Do you think this video portrays things accurately?​

Yes, it does. I've never had some dude walk right next to me for five minutes, but the cat calls, wolf whistles, drive around the block for another look, drive around again, (I can lip-read 'nice tits') sometimes no one says anything at all, they're just watching, watching, watching. The guy at the gym, or the library purposely sit or stand where they can see you... And this, I think, this borders on stalking.​

In many ways the guys I danced for as a stripper in some dive were much less creepy than the guys on the streets.​

One of the many things I don't understand. Guys with a thing for tits (in other words, most guys) can go on a computer, and in five seconds be on reddit, or tumblr, or a dozen other places and see an incredibly large number of incredibly nice tits, naked, and willingly displayed. Millions of naked tits. Literally. World class tits. Or a porn tube site, and they could just fap away to their hearts content. Instead, they go and obnoxiously stare at clothed tits at the grocery store.​

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I'm well over 30, and somehow guys, even much younger guys, still show their immaturity interest. ​

I love the way you use the term creepy presumptuousness. How perfect!​

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I think some are just showing off to their buddies, but others are playing a numbers game. If you hit on enough women, you'll probably eventually find some lonely, insecure, starved for attention score. ​