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Your biggest sexual or relationship blunder?

Discussion in 'Tilted Life and Sexuality' started by fflowley, Oct 28, 2013.

  1. fflowley

    fflowley Don't just do something, stand there!

    Let's hear about it. When did you really blow it? And did you come out better or worse in the end?

    Here's mine: I was in medical school 20 years ago. I was single. Never had much of a social life, particularly in those years. Not a huge amount of sex either.
    There was a young woman named Teri in my class. Young in spirit but actually in her late 30's which made her a little unusual for being in med school. She was absolutely beautiful with a radiant smile and a body that could stop traffic.
    We became very good friends and flirted quite a bit.
    One night she invited me over to watch a movie. It seems that her VCR (remember those?) was in her bedroom. So we watched the movie, me being completely oblivious to why this woman had really invited me over to watch a movie in her bed..........
    So eventually Captain Obvious gets the clue and we have a passionate evening of lovemaking. The first time was the best 20 seconds of my life; luckily as a younger man I could reload quickly and it went swimmingly thereafter. She was experienced in the bedroom and clearly had a lot more to teach me than we could get to in just one evening.
    So she snuggles in to get ready for bed (undoubtedly to be followed by hot morning sex and breakfast) and I then get up and announce that I have to go home. She looks at me incredulously and I tell her that I have to be up early to go on a bike ride the next morning. I am not making this up. Yes, a fucking stupid bike ride with the cycling club. And out I went.
    I was very lucky that she remained my close friend after that.
    When I think about my possible role as her boy toy and all I missed out on I shudder.

    Interesting footnote: As I said we remained very close friends. 6 months later I went on a first date with M, the woman who would later become my wife. We went on a second date and ran into Teri partway through the evening.
    So I called her the next day and said "So what did you think of M?" and her reply was "I think I'm going to dance at your wedding."
    And 3 years later, there she was dancing at our wedding.:)
     
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  2. DamnitAll

    DamnitAll Wait... what? Donor

    Location:
    Central MD
    Now that's one hell of a happy ending, loss of boy toy status aside... and given the outcome, it seems like a small price to pay in the larger scheme of things.

    I might have to think a little about this one. My first impulse would probably be to say my biggest blunder was cheating on my first girlfriend two years into our relationship, after she'd left for college. Or maybe it was the months and months it took me to realize that she'd fallen for me while we were still best friends, which maybe could have averted her suicide attempt had I clued in a little sooner. Then again, had either of those things not happened, I know I wouldn't be anywhere near where I am in life today, and for me that would be a shame.
     
    Last edited: Oct 28, 2013
  3. Hooooooo boy.

    My life is littered with these blunders, mostly due to the immaturity that comes with not being responsible enough to keep it in my pants. Still struggling with that, but working on it.
    A couple of forum members know exactly what I'm talking about here.

    I will say that due to my most recent screw-up I've gone on a journey of pretty intense self-reflection and self-improvement, and for the most part I'm doing pretty well with it. Some slip-ups here and there, and there's not a chance in hell that I'm done on my road to becoming who I want to be, but there's no possible way that I'd be who I am right now had I not made the mistakes that I made back then.
    Besides, this blunder allowed a couple of other people to find happiness as well. Everybody wins!
     
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  4. Charlatan

    Charlatan sous les pavés, la plage Donor

    Location:
    Temasek
    I don't even know where to start...
     
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  5. snowy

    snowy so kawaii Staff Member Donor

    I kinda sorta could start, but it's a story I prefer to keep close to my vest. The whole thing blew up in my face, and I'd rather not go into too many of the messy, messy details, as I'm hoping to turn it into a book someday.
     
  6. Plan9

    Plan9 Standing in the Door Donor

    Location:
    This Island Earth
    I had sex with two women that had the exact same three names (F/M/L, same spelling on all), one right after the other. I married the second one.

    It was an omen and I ignored it.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  7. evaderum

    evaderum Getting Tilted

    Location:
    California
    My only blunders so far, at least that I'm aware of, are not realizing the signs that a girl is interested in me until some time after the fact. It's probably happened more than I've realized actually. I tend to do better with more straightforward things and not so well with things that are rather subtle, but there are other reasons for it too that are all sorta intertwined.
     
  8. Xerxes

    Xerxes Bulking.

    And just like that, I unblocked reddit. I mean, seriously, why even bother posting. I came here to lol. Not to be told that there are stories that I will not be privy to.
     
  9. arkana

    arkana Very Tilted

    Location:
    canada
    My biggest relationship mistake was not noticing that my partner was just "going along" with polyamoury. If I enter that relationship mode again I don't want to be driving the bus. I want a co-pilot.

    This could be two separate threads. One sexual and one for relationships.
     
  10. mixedmedia

    mixedmedia ...

    Location:
    Florida
    Staying with the fuck-up who threw a temper tantrum when I told him I was moving to Austin to go to film school and who then proceeded to spend the next decade + sucking me dry like a leech in every way imaginable. That's all.
     
  11. Plan9

    Plan9 Standing in the Door Donor

    Location:
    This Island Earth
    ...LATER...

     
  12. Levite

    Levite Levitical Yet Funky

    Location:
    The Windy City
    Well...I could say my very first "girlfriend" ever-- really she was a fuckbuddy, we just didn't know to call it that-- who basically used me for sex and didn't let on to anyone that we were doing it because she was a cheerleader and it would've killed her social status (I was, shall we say, not part of the in crowd). Should've never gotten involved with her, but I was a teenager, and thinking 100% with my dick.

    But also maybe a better answer would be getting into a five year relationship with a girl who turned out to be a lesbian. Not that we didn't have some good times, and I am definitely the better for having been with her, but we should've called it quits way earlier than that, because it was clear she wasn't happy with me. I just thought it was something I could work on. Turned out it wasn't. At least, not without major surgical intervention. This is especially true because during the five years I was with her, I had several excellent opportunities to get with other girls, either romantically, or at least to get hellaciously laid. Unfortunately, I probably should've thought a bit more with my dick, and I thought mostly with my heart and head on this one....
     
  13. spindles

    spindles Very Tilted

    Location:
    Sydney, Australia
    Married (the first time) for a matter of weeks. There is an art to being completely blind to what is going on in your life. Thankfully I have given up on that art :(
     
  14. Fangirl

    Fangirl Very Tilted

    Location:
    Arizona
    Marriage 1 and marriage 2.
    I married for the wrong reasons both times (it was the same one). I totally sold out. On myself.
     
  15. Remixer

    Remixer Middle Eastern Doofus Donor

    Location:
    Frankfurt, Germany
    My last ex had been lying to me on all sorts of small things very early on in our relationship.

    Even when I uncovered some of them, I went with the thought that small lies don't necessarily mean anything worse may be happening.

    I was wrong.
     
  16. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    Ah...let me count the ways.

    Actually, my most significant blunder was with my ex.
    I allowed myself to not give myself the benefit of the doubt.

    I thought initially, that I was the one at fault, when in actuallity...there were other factors that she wasn't elaborating on.

    Ex: When she initally came down with her syndrome at the start of our marriage, she started being in pain, triggering lashing out.
    And sleeping constantly, which was one of the symptoms. So I thought I was being a terrible husband, hadn't done enough, and she was depressed.
    In truth, she was in denial about her condition, we didn't become aware until she collapsed at work. (which we found out from another, not her)

    And this was just the tip of the iceberg and a pattern throughout.

    My point is, the blunder sometimes isn't simply what you do to another.
    But what you allow another to do to you.
    And often, it's not just you...people don't tell you everything (and they may not even be aware themselves)

    It's your life too, be good to yourself.
    Sometimes, you're not the issue in the equation, sometimes you are. It takes two.

    BTW...this is not to say I haven't been the shit either, in other relationships.
    I'd say most of my blunders have been because I wasn't prepared or ready.

    Often, people have a hard enough time dealing with themselves, much less another.
     
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2013
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  17. DamnitAll

    DamnitAll Wait... what? Donor

    Location:
    Central MD
    Yes, this.

    I'm still coming to terms with the fact that my most recent ex lied to me for eight months about being in love with someone else as our relationship was crumbling. I freely admit that there were a host of other factors in play to contribute to the end of the relationship and I am in no way free of responsibility for its demise, but that infidelity, and her strident denial of it—not to mention all the ways she tore me down for sharing my concerns that something was going on—was her massive blunder. Not mine.

    I will, however, own up to every single time I lied or was not completely honest with her in our relationship—and there were many, some more serious, some less—especially to someone that would tell me over and over that the only thing she really ever asked for from me was my honesty (oh, the irony!). Maybe it's karmic payback after all, but I will say I'm in a much better—and happier—place right now, more than I was then and more than she is now.

    Boo yeah.
     
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  18. Chris Noyb

    Chris Noyb Get in, buckle up, hang on, & don't criticize. Donor

    Location:
    Large City, TX
    Same here, except more in the distant past. In retrospect I don't think that being a player would have suited me, and if I had learned the Art of Easily Bedding Women I never would've had the LTR with the woman who is now my wife.
     
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2013
  19. Charlatan

    Charlatan sous les pavés, la plage Donor

    Location:
    Temasek
    Let's face it, relationships are messy -- physically, mentally, in every which way.

    When two people decide to spend a lot more time together and possibly put their moister bits in direct contact, there is a shit tonne that can go wrong.

    You are lucky if you get out with your limbs intact.
     
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2013
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  20. Lindy

    Lindy Moderator Staff Member

    Location:
    Nebraska
    When I was in high school I thought that my band director was really hot. He was in his mid twenties, handsome, athletic in a gymnast kind of way and an amazing (jazz trumpet) musician. I was seventeen, had already been with several guys, thought I was hot stuff. I'd caught him checking out my chest when he thought I wasn't looking, thought that meant he had the hots for me like I did for him, and decided to add my band director to my string.
    I was a slut back then, and I wasn't bashful if I wanted a guy, so one day after school I hit on him hard, went into his office and kind of motorboated the back of his neck while he sat in his chair at the computer. He looked back at me in the mirror and said something like 'Lindy, do you have any idea what you're doing?' and I suggested that he should lock the door and pull the shade, and lock the door, I wanted to show him something. He awkwardly excused himself, said he had to go to the bathroom, and went out the door, noticeably aroused. Instead, he went and called my dad who walked in a few minutes later.

    Found it... the whole story is in this thread on the old TFP. I don't have time to re-write the story about what a dumbfuck I was. I hope the link works. Post #19 in this thread : https://thetfp.com/tfp/general-discussion/153801-whats-worst-trouble-you-got-school.html#ixzz2jEJkPMoE