Discussion in 'Tilted Life and Sexuality' started by fflowley, Oct 28, 2013.
Right. Kids have sex lives, and sex lives have kids.
That qualifies as an awkward father/daughter moment.
Here's a strange one (or maybe not)--One of our friends went with his MIL when she was shopping for a new vibrator.
Could always be worth Redravin. When fighting during my teenage years my mother used to tell me to shut up until I've jerked off because she didn't want to put up with hormones.
There's a few that I could share but here are my top 5:
Honourable mention: Getting a bj from a girl with braces... did not end well... And my mom congratulating me on not having a kid while I was in high school....
5) Actually listening to the girl that cheated on me with my best friend and tried to convince me to stay with her...
4) Being too much of a pussy to step up and kick my best friends ass for doing that to me....
3) Being too stubborn admit when I'm wrong... no longer a problem
2) This one is serious.... farting on a girl while snuggling...
1) I actually have this nagging habit where until I'm comfortable with a girl, I don't get hard at all at the beginning of a relationship but as soon as I become comfortable, I feel like a champion...
This one just begs to be fully explored.
Share with us?
Ugh, my husband does this thing where he snuggles up to me backwards during sleep. He also happens to be a very gassy person at night. It's not awesome. Jokingly, though, we refer to it as his "gas heat"--farts happen.
I assure you, what I did, was 100% accidental...
--- merged: Mar 18, 2014 at 10:24 PM ---
This is copied from my blog about it....
Allow me to tell you a story of how I awkward I am and my dating woes (ish)....
I've been seeing this lady for not too long. We met online through Match.com.... I succumbed after one of my cousins friends said that I should try it out when I felt inclined to. We went out for lunch/dinner and talked for 6 hours the first time we met. Two days later she calls me to to hang out at her place... I'm all for it, we just watched movies and had dinner, simple for me... I'm talking things really slow... like awkwardly slow.... I held her hand the second time we hung out.... because I'm awkward like that and I couldn't even get the courage up to kiss her... fast forward to last night...
I just got home from work and sprinted from getting flowers to shower and shave to her place. We went out for Greek which was awesome. Go back to her place, watch a little TV and she had homework that needed to be done so at about 9, I had to go home. As I'm holding her hand, making a joke about how awkward we both are to kissing each other... we start playing around and I move in closer.... previous to this I had the most painful cramps from holding in a massive fart..... now.... as we're playing around, her feet are under my legs to keep them warm, I lean in for a kiss and I lost control.... I farted on her feet....
We slowly turned to each other.... she erupts into absolute laughter. Me... I'm absolutely horrified at what just transpired... I broke out into a dead sweat, apologizing, and I buried my face into my shirt. She's laughing so hard at this point, she can't breath. I just held my head low, I was embarrassed, ashamed and just couldn't believe the situation just happened to me.
Ok, *deep breath* here's my story.
I was sixteen and my boyfriend, eighteen. Beyond kissing, I really had no idea about sex. I mean I read about it, heard about it, but really no actual one on one experience outside cuddling and kissing. So one night, My boyfriend and I are kissing in his truck. He mentioned that he'd really like to feel my lips on it and get a BJ. So, I nonchalantly unzip his pants, took his cock out, and, yeah, I literally blew it, more ways than one.
Did he inflate?
I once had a girl slap my cock with an open hand.
"Ugh, so why do they call it 'spanking,' then?"
To be honest, the sayings are little misleading.
Another old joke, Texas (aggie) specific:
An aggie guy & an aggie gal are naked in bed. He looks at her and says "Fuck you" in a sexy voice, and she responds "Oh yeah, fuck me!." They exchange sexual comments for about 45 minutes. Finally, she gives up, saying "I don't understand all the fuss over oral sex."
I feel like I know these people.
I really need to be an asshole more.
I'm too much of a nice guy.
It was still probably the most fun he'd ever had to that point in his young life....
I'd bet good money that you're not the first young girl (or even a grown woman for that matter) to do so.
I gave myself some serious friction burns the first couple of times that I masturbated.
My techniques have improved considerably with years of practice .
First off these are just sad but i feel they apply to this thread, TWO women in my life one when i was in my late teens and her being a little heavy but none the less attractive and around my age, and the other being in her mid-ish 40's when i was in my early 20's had Basically offered themselves up to me and putting aside then, what i'd have Fought hard for now i turned them down..without out ever considering their feelings as i 'wasn't ready' ( the heavy girl 'jessica' looked into my eyes and said this, " I will tear you up"...What man wouldn't jump on this chance? lol ) well within a few years they both had passed away in individual car crashes...my heart..and with full respect for the dead my penis will remember and mourn them..R.I.P. jessica and sally Now onto the real blunder....i know how can anyone possibly screw up worse?....you'll see. Now i haven't read all these But i may rate high in the ranks of ' i can't believe that just happened" So i'll try to keep this short, i was still a virgin @ 22 y/o..not because i hadn't had the chance or that i lacked the 'balls' i just hadn't felt 'ready' yet and i met a kind-of-friend of my mothers and we soon became friendly in the traditional sense, and became flirty soon after ( keep in mind this woman was 34 and i was 22 ) at some point we got to the sub of sex and i admitted i was a virgin when it came up. Now i must sway slightly off subject here guys and admit the way she took this news was like when you're watching the discovery channel and a hungry predator notices easy prey from the cover of the brush, which is soo dam hawt lol. Now back on topic, the 1st time we had sex it lasted about 30 minutes and she asked me if everything was ok, and weather i was turned on or not, to which my reply was an intentional look of great pleasure and a slight thrusting of my hips, we spoke further on it as i was still inside her with some motion continuing and after she verbalized a concern to weather she could cause me to orgasm or not as she claimed she had several times already, i assured her it was a combination of my nerves and that i masturbated quite frequently...oh yea long story short ok....that 1st time ended with me not having an orgasm my 1st time, which i find strange to this day and it took much assuring to her there was nothing wrong with her and that i was very attracted to her. Fast forward to the Screw up, we'd been casually having sex for a year on average a few times a week sometime with a 1-2 week break as schedules disallowed. So one day we're at her house ( oh yes she has 2 young girls a 5 y/o and a 12 y/o the 5 y/o isn't an issue but the older one seems to have a 6th EVIL-Anti-getting-laid sense ) in her room and by this point we've gotten a tad more ballzy and we're at it doggy style with her daughters outside on the trampoline playing with a friend, we can hear the movement of the trampoline and we both ASSumed that the other had locked the screen door as we could go "oops how the heck did that get locked" if she came to the door. So we're both near orgasm this being one of the best 'sessions' we had ever had together and then as we're both getting to that point where u fight to last just a tad longer, the extreme pleasure period moments before you orgasm and the planets must have been in perfect alignment as we Both notice the sounds had stopped from outside and there was no knocking at any doors, we Both moved faster than you'd have thought possible from two people Right in the middle of what may have been the best sex to date up to that point, as her oldest daughter entered the room she saw her mom's bare naked ass as the bathroom door closed behind it, and i had JUST gotten my pants all the way on and she stopped, looked at the bathroom door and then at me and said, " i Know what you nasty freaks were doing" now remembering that it breaks my heart as i have more wisdom into what damage that may have caused to the daughter individually And their relationship as a family, now there was no brady bunch vibe in this family but it doesn't feel too hot to know i may have contributed to their current relationship status, not to mention what a perfect arrangement i tossed out the window due to my lust induced negligence, this woman bought me gifts, got me high whenever i desired and provided the means to the extra things in our relationship...i mean holy fuck I'm a moron i had a sugar momma as a 22 y/o virgin and never realized it as virgins in general are notorious for 'falling' for their 1st..i mean i thought i was in love..although now i see it wasn't love but dam what i wouldn't do for a dam time machine right now
Jesus man... I wanna read what you wrote but you gotta put some paragraph breaks and capitalization and punctuation in that shit... I'm not trying to be all pedantic or become the dreaded Intarnet Grammar Nazi, I really don't care about that stuff as long as it flows well and gets the meaning across, but damn... That big long run-on sentence hurts my head...
Anyways my biggest blunder was allowing who I thought was my friend to steal my girlfriend of two years, and second biggest would be to never be able to remember my marriage date - even after 5 years as we were divorcing lol... Guess that just attests to how much we really shouldn't have been married in the first place.
This /\ version is a little easier to read.
You were a 22 YO virgin, she was 34 with daughters aged 12 & 5. Something tells me that relationship wasn't destined to be long term even under the best of circumstances.
General, all-purpose (and personally accurate) response, applies to multiple relationship failures:
Lack of communication
1) Marrying a devout Christian~ Sex is a dirty word
2) Marrying a Granola crunching Pagan nutjob~ Sex is a casual concept to be "Shared".
Best adaptation of lessons=
3) Marrying a Goddess~ Sex is a Ritual of Joy.
Separate names with a comma.