office culture: "lets have lunch"

So I work in a large corp, am fairly new to my job, and its my first job.

So - people are always saying "let's have lunch" -- then they inevitably cancel a day before or on the day of (legitimately, I think, due to last minute work or a meeting or etc).

Or, people say "let's have lunch next week" and then they never really bother.

Heck, I do that a few times too (moreso because I took it as acceptable behavior).

Is this part of all/most corporate office culture; specific to just this corp; or is it just people being lazy? I suspect the latter-est (and the former-est).

Thoughts?

 

I don't know anything about corporate stuff, but I do know that kinda crap happens everywhere.

It's totally like when I go back to the States for a month and I wanna see my so-called friends:

Me: "Hey, I'm going to be in the area for a couple weeks. We should get together."

Them: "Sure, but I'm busy on this weekend and that weekend." or worse, "I've got nothing planned."

Me: "No worries, I'm available 24/7 since I'm quite literally on the couch. I'm excited to hang out."

Them: "Great, I'll see you then. I'll give you a call this weekend. We'll do something gnarly."

*nothing ever happens, people don't call or repeatedly reschedule, goes a month without seeing anybody*

...

You can tell your worth to someone by how much effort they take to narrowing down a few hours in an entire month to see you.

If I want to see people while I'm on in the States, I have go to their location and do everything on their schedule / terms.

People are so goddamn busy with nothing. And you know what? You can all eat a big veiny dick.

My new approach is to ignore everybody and drink heavily. It's far more satisfying.

/loneliest man in the world

 

If you really want to socialise with these people (over lunch), then, when they cancel, re-book right then. If they cancel several times in a row, then you're flogging a dead horse; either they don't really want to have lunch with you, or they are so socially inept as to be the sort of person you probably DON'T want to hang around with. When it's "next week", or "sometime", then press for a specific day, even if it's only tentative, then confirm a couple of days in advance. It's true the exigencies of work can play havoc with lunch plans at times, but most people realise that work IS a social situation, and that accepting an invitation, even an informal one for lunch, does create a social obligation.

 

I can't say I share your sentiments, but probably because I'm not part of the corporate world and have to deal with constant bullshit from colleagues.

In the business world, "let's have lunch" usually means more than that.

Often it comes down to two or more of these elements: intro talk about general business before lunch (usually in a hotel lobby/café); heading to the restaurant, have lunch/dinner; pay the bill and spend an extra half an hour on the table talking about more concrete things; go to another lobby/café and enjoy either coffee/cappuccino with some sweets; or do some light drinking while talking about serious business.

Rarely are lunches/dinners cancelled, unless it is something very important and urgent. And if it does get cancelled, a reschedule is done at the soonest possible time.

At least, that is the experience I've been making on a weekly/almost daily basis for the past 3 years.

 

I'm not talking about business lunches/dinners with a concrete agenda. That's a whole different ballpark.

I'm talking about casual lunches/dinners with partners. You become friends quite often, especially if you're like-minded, and while there is (due to mutual interest in business) a well-sized exchange of information, ideas and thoughts; the whole intent is to understand each other better, enjoy some time together and to really get to know the guy you're working with on projects/a project.

It will probably still seem to you the same as your example, but it really isn't (unless I got your example wrong).

It's basically a lunch/dinner with a corporate colleague, only here you are almost always both driven and passionate about business. The exchange that follows is a matter of course.

 

Following-through and following-up on something is an attribute I've always had in my personality.

But only when I started to work together with Australians, and now with Afghans, did I really learn to value whenever I meet someone who has the same.

 

I'm buried with work and salaried. If I spend 2hrs at lunch, I will inevitably have to make it up elsewhere. I rarely accept a lunch invitation and expect the few that I do accept to occur as scheduled. I have no interest in socializing with my coworkers unless they ski or ride a motorcycle.

Outside of work, things are a bit more casual; but my time is important, too. I understand that shit happens; but stand me up more than once and I won't give you any more chances. In fairness, I practice what I preach. I'll bust my ass to keep any commitment that I make and will always be early.

 

snowy "If I didn't follow through, I'd be cruising for a panic attack" - yup, I know that one.

Plan9. Yup. Another one and I swear ... word for word "we could get together? are you doing anything this weekend?" "No, but I don't want to put anything in my diary." The sad thing is that I Can make up reasonable reasons on their behalf. I Can nod understandingly. But deep inside, I am a tiny kitten, crying and mewling at it tries, in vain, to reach a cat-flap which won't be lowered. In the snow. At night.

I'm careful to check whether a 'let's do' is intended to be followed through or not, because I know I will follow through come hell or high water, and don't want to waste my energy on a generalized maybe. Conversely, I avoid the 'I'll drop around sometime and maybe we can ...' type of open invitation people have sometimes given themselves in the last seconds of a conversation.

 

If it's a social lunch, it's lower on the priority list sadly. Sometimes a donor just "pops in" and I have to drop a lot of things so that I can adequately kiss some booty. (I hate when the retired donors have nothing better to do than pop-in on me.) People who work with me know this is the case so we just reschedule for another day. I don't tend to schedule social lunches during weekdays that aren't with co-workers for this reason.

I always have my calendar (phone) on me, so when I say, "Let's do lunch," I plan it immediately. Most of my social lunches with co-workers are last minute deals though.

 

Usually when I hear the phrase, it's meant as a conversation-ender. This is a typical example:

MeltedMetalGlob (droning on for the past 7 minutes): ... and those are all the words I know that rhyme with "trapezoid".
Disinterested Co-worker (glancing at watch, yawning): Really? How interesting. Well, I have to be getting back to work, so let's do lunch sometime.
MeltedMetalGlob: Okay, when?
Disinterested Co-worker: Hmm?
MeltedMetalGlob: When do you want to do lunch?
Disinterested Co-worker: Oh, are you still here? I just said that to get you to piss off already.
MeltedMetalGlob (nodding shrewdly): Righto!

 

or they are hungry and hope you pick up the tab.

 

All relationships take work, even office ones. Just reschedule and move on.

 

You are quite right - this happens all the time with friends too; the context and implications and meaning may be different but more or less people are busy and if they'd rather not expend the effort to add an extra person into their life, they just somewhat do that. This happens to me quite a bit, save my very best/closest friends (and that's how I know they are my closest friends! - I may not see them often as we are all far apart but if we say we're going to meet up, we do it.)

I think you have the most likes on TFP. Whatcha' bitchin' about
--- merged: Sep 15, 2011 5:03 AM ---
Yea I agree with several here's sentiments/view on this: sometimes its mostly just a polite way of saying "hey I gotta go - catch you later. I like you, so let's kick it down the road to get to know each other".
--- merged: Sep 15, 2011 5:04 AM ---

Yeah.. this too -- I think its a combination of "I just don't have enough time, but I would ideally like to get to know you better" - ie, you do not seem of immediate importance to me in terms of career, but on a friend level yes I'd like to become more aquainted.

 

I like to read, so I usually just go out to lunch with a book.

However, if I really want to connect with someone, I'll try to snag them same day. If they brought lunch or have other plans, I'll schedule with them the very next day. Any longer than that is way to open to cancellation or forgetfulness.